h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

People who aren't interested in sex, as opposed to celibates who have a sex drive but resist their urges, or enforced celibates because they haven't got a partner, etc.

Apparently, there are as many asexuals as there are gays.

Are they all closet asexuals? Ashamed or embarrased to admit their lack of interest or scared of being called "frigid" or a freak?

What do you think?

I know more asexuals than I do gays (out of the closet ones anyway) and I've found that generally they steer clear of any conversations about sex/sexuality.

One of them is a some guy who freely admits to not being interested in sex with either gender and if the subject is raised just wanders away. If pressed he uses the Boy George line about prefering a

I know one guy in particular who is totally Asexual, never had a relatiohnship with a woman or a man, I don't think that homosexuals are closet asexuals, or the other way round, from this guy I've some ideas as to why he is assexual, basically he's lived alone for far too long, in a protective, over protective probably environment, and a lot of it seems to be connected to teh way he was brought up when young, but I guess it isn't going to be the same for all in the group we call 'asexual', as in the same way that 'homosexuals' or 'hetrosexuals' don't necessarily share many or any 'common features' that are considered common or typical for that group, most of us are, after all, atypical heterosexuals, asexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals or what ever we chose or end up being

Nomosexuals perhaps?

Interesting also are the people who declare themselves to be neither sex. They try to look as sexless as possible and refuse to tick the sex box on forms.

Isn't this all just part of the natural range of human sexualities? Don't most people have periods of time where they are uninterested in sex? I do think we live in a culture that has quite strange messages about what is normal, so I can understand if people who don't want sex don't want to talk about it.

I suppose in some cases it could be a chromosome/hormone anomaly. Perhaps there is an evolutionary advantage for humans to have some non-reproductive members, like animal groups where young or lower ranking adults help with rearing infants or guard duty.

'Don't most people have periods of time where they are uninterested in sex?' They do?

Well, most women do...

The only person I know who could possibly be described like this took great pains to tell me that he was perfecly ok with other women both before and after me. Not wanting to ask those ladies he mentioned if it's true prevents me from confirming this.

I have always been aware of asexual persons being within the range of normal human sexuality.

For some it is a problem or temporary complaint.
For others it is just their life.

I have known more than one person whom is asexual and happy once they decided it is the most normal and comfortable for them.

Homosexuals sometimes deal and talk about hiding their sexuality ( at work or in other spots)There are asexual people that deal with the same social stigmas , assumptions and questions they would rather not have to. A few asexuals I knew let it be assumed they were gay ( when people were guessing) because it was easier for them than saying they are asexual.

I had not been aware of asexuals until I read about them recently. From the article it seemed that they weer trying to ram it down peoples throat *cough* with t-shirts stating what they are.

A few questions here:

1) Has being asexual ever stopped someone getting a job?
2) Has it ever meant that staing they were asexual(as if hetrosexuals stand up and state that 'I AM HETROSEXUAL') ever meant that they have been beaten up?
3) Has being asexual made thme not feel accepted or part of the crowd?
4) Has it meant that they have been thought of as being gay...because some of us are crap at asking people out or just keep it quiet.

Now if the majority of the answers to these questions is no then I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN WHETHER YOU DO NOT FANCY PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX if you feel the need to tell us all about how asexual you are then it is YOUR problem not ours. I am hetrosexual I do not date that many women because I am crap at picking up signals OK I am 36 y.o. and if any one think I am gay I will happily f*ck them or their wives to proof I am not.

I am getting fed up with these 'Gay Pride Marches' and these Asexual pride marches - on the whole YOU are accepted in society these days. And just think of the stink that would be kicked up if there was a 'Hetrosexual Pride March' boy would that get people hot under the collar. The very fact that the recent Gay Pride Marches this year were so accepted says alot. I was in Birmingham and Glasgow when they had theirs. They looked great fun but they are starting to become more irrelevant in these times no that the church has less say in UK politics - not in the US unfortunately.

I really can not see what the big deal is with some people just not fancying people at all - the opposite or their own sex. So what. It just seems to make a good newspaper article or create an issue out of nothing.

If I am wrong tell me I would love to know whether asexual people are in anyway subjugated within society apart from the odd are they gay comment.

Given your relative ignorance (and prejudice) about homosexual reality, it makes sense that you wouldn't see the problems that being asexual might present in heterosexist societies such as ours.

>>If I am wrong tell me I would love to know whether asexual people are in anyway subjugated within society apart from the odd are they gay comment. <<

Do you really want to know?

Excuse me? Did I in anyway state any predjudice against homosexual reality? Yes, I know there is a problem with affording gay couples with the same legal rights as heterosexual couples - however these are slowly (unfortunately) being sorted out and a bloody good job too. The fact that some one is attracted to the same sex as themselves should not in any way be a disadvantage to anyone today. We are not talking about homosexual people - I have said previously that it wil be a great day WHEN Gay Pride Marches stop because that means that gay people are a normal part of society with nothing to be particularly proud of apart from being normal - unfortunately - *they* still are not considered normal due to the conditioning of society that makes gay people *different*. Hell, a gay man I knew was the only guy who was thoughtful enough to keep tampons in his house for his female friends just in case. He did actually find Kate Bush good looking so I became a bit dubious after that!

But asexual people - < Do you really want to know?> Erm, well yes? I have been pretty asexual for most of my life as I have not been able to really ask a girl out however that has not affected my life. How does not being attracted sexually to other people disadvantage someone apart from people thinking that they are gay?

Please answer as yes I really want to know because I do not know any asexual people...or at least they have not stated they are and I do not care or should I say mind rather. The only thing different between myself and an asexual person is that they do not get into a real tizz about asking someone out and then getting hot and sticky and abit uncomfortable with someone else. And sometimes I bloody well wish I was asexual because it would certainly be a hell of a lot easier if I was.

>> He did actually find Kate Bush good looking so I became a bit dubious after that!

Er....

One of my exes went out with Kate Bush.

Said 'she had a body like sprung steel'.

Luckily he likes curves as well.

B

So that's a not-aseuxal person called Ben.

Are asexual people as damaged by society as gay people?

Probably not.

But would an greater acceptable that some people are asexual be a bad thing?

Probably not.

It would help the teenager who didn't fancy boys or girls and felt like the only one in the world.

It would help the asexual person pitied by their family because they never had a relationship.

Having a different sexuality from others, and not knowing what it is like is a lonley experience, having a name for it would be a help to people. It would help the young woman who thought that she was 'frigid' and that she must be mad. It would demedicalise it.

It would mean they are not alone, which is important.

Alfster, to be honest your previous post did appear ignorant and heterosexist to me. I accept that you feel you have no prejudice against gays. In my experience statements such as

>>I am getting fed up with these 'Gay Pride Marches' and these Asexual pride marches<<

and

>> - on the whole YOU are accepted in society these days.<<

are indicative of an ignorance of queer reality. Go to any small rural town and see how many gay pride marches there are, or how many people are still not able to be honest within their family or community about their sexuality. Yes many things have changed and there is a greater acceptance in many parts of society, but there is still alot of prejudice and ignorance as well in just as many parts of society.

Personally I hope we always have gay pride marches because it celebrates diversity (gay pride is not just a protest action), and I feel that wanting to not have them is trying to make queerness invisible again.

I'm glad to hear that you think there shold beno prejudive against gays. The fact remains there is still quite alot of prejudice against gays, and saying things like "I am sick of gay pride marches" just feeds into the general homophobia.


In terms of asexuality - heterosexism assumes that normal sexuality is always between a man and a woman, and I think it also assumes that people should want sex, and that there is some kind of norm for how much sex people should want or have. I think prejudice against asexuals is more subtle than homophobia, but I don't think it's healthy or ok for anyone to be repeatedly told their sexuality is abnormal.

I think most people have never even thought about whether there are asexuals or not; most would be hard-pressed to recognize what that means. It seems in (western) society, it's assumed everyone is some kind of sexual, and the ones not interested are not even noticed.

I have to say, it would be a difficult position to be in, with family pushing at one -- "when are you getting married," "where's my grandkids", etc.

SC

There tends to be speculation about anyone over a certain age who has never married or been in an equivalent relationship, as to why not?

It's a shame that society has this expectation of people being in couples. Some people may just never have met anyone they want to be that close to, or, have no desire to have such a relationship.

I think overall the situation is better than it used to be, when you think of spinsters marrying anyone remotely suitable so as not to be 'left on the shelf', and the persecution & imprisonment of homosexuals. In those days, there were probably more incidences of unmarried siblings sharing a home. Any two people of the same gender sharing a residence was likely to be regarded as slightly dubious.

OK, black-and-white worldview coming up, so stand by.

I'm a male heterosexual. That's not a sentence I say out loud in public. Therefore, how could you tell I am? Well, you might see me out in the company of a woman. But then again, you might just as likely see me out in the company of a man, or alone. You might note that I have shared a home with women. But I have lived alone, and with men also. In short, you can't tell, because I don't wear a big t-shirt saying "I F**K CHICKS", or similar, partly because that would be shocking bad form, and partly because I don't know where to buy a t-shirt that says that (possible business opportunity there...).

So, if you a male homosexual, or a male asexual, and I met you, how could I tell?

Well, there are certain culturally accepted methods of telling whether a man is gay.

1. He's clean and well dressed, and has a good body. Unfortunately due to the increasing influence of people like David Beckham, this is becoming less of a reliable indicator. Many straight men are cottoning on to the fact that a couple of evenings a week in the gym, and a shower and a shave can transform their success with the ladies. So strike that...

2. He lives alone or with another man. Well, I've done both, more than once, and I've never been gay. Several of my straight friends do too. No use there nowadays.

3. He has an effeminate voice and manner, commonly referred to as "camp". Although this sometimes works, I have found this to be as often a feature of straight people who can't help it, straight people putting it on for reasons of comedy, straight people putting it on because pretending to be gay is a good way to get a woman to s**g you, or straight people pretending to *themselves* that they are gay (e.g. Marco from Big Brother this year - never have I seen anyone trying so hard to convince themselves that they are gay. Talk about protesting too much...).

So, the only truly reliable way of telling that you're gay is if you demonstrate it in front of me. Now, quite frankly, I'd rather NOBODY demonstrated their sexuality in front of me.

I'm particularly baffled, however, as to how I could tell someone was asexual. It would seem to me to be an entirely internal problem, i.e. absolutely nothing to do with me.

Oh, and as for the idea that it's difficult for gay people living in backward rural communities, here's the news: it's also difficult for short people, fat people, intelligent people, people who speak with a different accent, people from ethnic minorities, and people whose idea of entertainment stretches beyond cow-tipping.

There is a simple solution to the problem: MOVE. Stop whining on about the way you're treated, leave the backward rural communities to the slow death they deserve and move to a city where you can be with people who will accept you. Don't bother trying to change the people in the place where you are, because you are wasting your time - just change the place where you are. It really is that simple.

H.

>> It really is that simple<<

Unless you like living where you are. Or your children live there with your ex. Or you have other dependants (elderly parent, disabled sibling) living nearby. Or you can't afford to move. Or you or your partner has a job here that they can't get easily elsewhere. Or you are raising kids on your own, or are ill, or are disabled, and all your family and support system are in the area you already live in. Or you belong to a group of people who relate in clan system and you need them culturally and spiritually. Or you have a deep cultural or spiritual conneciton to the place you live in. Or you are 15 or 13 and have no way to support yourself yet....I could go on.


>>leave the backward rural communities to the slow death they deserve<<

I've lived in a couple of rural places and I don't find them backward. I think that there is still just as much bigotry of all kinds in cities as there is in the country it's just that country people are more honest about their feelings. I was using rural towns as an example of obvious homophobia because this is not the first time I have come across the idea that because we have gay pride marches everything is alright now, and this is always given in a big city context.

Rural communities are still where most of our food comes from and I personally hope that they don't die a slow death.