h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, how about the Britishism to drop definite or indefinite articles, such as "I just got out of (the) hospital" or "I'm going on (a) holiday (vacation)"? Perhaps it is a desire to be efficient in communication.

There's a difference in meaning between "I just got out of hospital" and "I just got out of the hospital" The second implies that we both know which hospital, presumably the only one in the district. "I just got out of hospital" means "I've been ill enough to need in-patient care.
Compare "I've just been to prison/hospital/school" and "I've just been to the prison etc" which implies I was visiting someone else there.
"I'm going on holiday" means I am taking time off work - not necessarily going away."I'm going on a holiday"means I'm going away somewhere specific.
That's before we get onto the difference between "A man in my life" and "The man in my life"

I've noticed that people (and chickens) in this country from Yorkshire seem to manage most of the time without using the article whatsoever!

There's also the dubious usage of the word 'the' in statements such as 'I think it's all the fault of the aliens', implying that whether or not the matter in question is indeed the responsibility of one or more extraterrestrials, there is still no doubt in the speaker's mind that such entities actually exist.
In a similar vein, 'the scientists' is often used in such a way as to conjure up images of a homogeneous army of white-coated socialpaths, or 'the French' is used to blame an entire nation for the occasional antics of a handful of career bureaucrats.

As I think I possibly mentioned earlier (or in another forum), regarding British English and efficiency by dropping words from sentences, there's also the oft-parodied Northern British "t'", as in the archetypal 'Well, I'll go to t' foot of our stairs' (an expression of some degree of surprise). Where I come from, we contract even the "t'", and replace it with (as near as I can describe) the briefest cessation of exhalation, as in "Shut ' door", or "Pass me ' hammer". If there's only one door to shut, or hammer to pass, (and you need to knock in a nail, or you're sitting in a cold draught) why bother saying more than necessary.

Surely the classic northern (well more likely a Lancashire/Yorkshire thing) would be "trouble at 'mill" or "trouble at t'mill". Good point about the use of t or more properly the lack of use of it depending on which side o t'hill you come from.

I wonder how long it will be before a speech recognition system can tell the difference between "Shut door" and "Shut 'door", or understand the alternative expression "Put 'wood in 'ole"?

I guess we'll probably all have household robots by then. I reckon a robot with a Marvin-like personality and a broad East Lancashire accent could seem almost human.

Try Fowler's Modern English Usage published by Oxford. If you're a serious student, try A Student's Grammar of the English Language by Greenbaum & Quirk, pub. Longman.

May I put in a good word for Chicken Run for any serious student of regional accents and dialects.

I second that - in fact everyone should go and see this film.
Do it now - put the keyboard away and go and see the film - really, you won't regret it.
And when you do see it - don't leave at the start of the credits. Like all good comedies (Life of Brian, Airplane etc.) the jokes actually continue through the credits and out the other side.

"Of course I didn't fly the plane - I'm a chicken. Do you think a modern airforce would allow chickens to fly the plane?"

More jokes after the credits? Damn, I missed them!

Thanks to Chicken Run I now know what 'owt' and 'summat' mean.

And I take my hat off (an expression we have in the States) to Rocky Rooster, who put quite candidly what I have always suspect about strong Scottish accents.

Perhaps I should treat myself to a second viewing...

I think Marvin came from Nuneaton or possibly Handsworth. Both those accents sound depressed to the uninitiated.

Just wait till Marvin gets the Hollywood treatment, then he'll sound a bit like me - no accent at all!

In line with your "owt" and "summat" discovery; there's a phrase from back home that goes along the lines of:
"Them as kna, divvnt need be telt and them as divvnt kna cannet be telt" which is a good example of a more northen accent.

That isn't even English - what are you talking about?

Some accents make the speaker sound rude or abrupt - I guess I'm thinking 'Yorkshire' here (sorry).

And some are quite impenetrable, like certain Scottish and Newcastle accents.

The acccent concerned is near Geordie, and the best literal translation to mid atlantic is:
"Those that know don't need to be told, and those who don't know cannot be told."

The revival of local British accents continues to amaze me. For the first half of my life it was accepted wisdom that we would all be speaking mid-Atlantic by now and here we are still exporting cockney /Essex and Birmingham and Glasgow and .....

Some odd phrases which I would use at school included;
"Oi, Heid the ba'" - "Excuse me, daft person!" Presumably from the idea that they have headed a football so often they now have brain damage.
"Ah huvny seen thaim in dunkeys" - "I have not seen them in Donkeys" - " I have not seen those items in a long time." Where does the idea of Donkey's years meaning a long time come from?

Also, the whole sausage roll, roll and sausage dilema. Down here in England a sausage roll would appear to be a couple of linked sausages in a roll (or bap). Back in Scotland a sausage roll is sausage meat rolled up in pastry. Now you definately have these in England, so how do you tell the difference? In Scotland you would ask for a roll and sausage. Of course then they ask if you want links or sliced, which is another matter all together

Such dilemmas, like the crumpet/muffin/scone problems help to explain the rise of the supermarket.You can buy a lot of food without knowing what it's called. In a good specialist bakery you say "I'll have two of those please". This should be the third or fourth phrase you learn in any foreign language.

Well - If something's good, its the "Bees Knees" which I believe to be a twisting of "it's the Business". Take this, and other mysterious phrases such as "it's the cat's whiskers", twiddle it a bit into silly extremes and you'll eventually get to "the dogs bollocks"
Further variants on this - "the mut's nuts" "dogs danglies" and "terriers twitcher"

I acknowldge the fact that this probably hasn't helped other than to demonstrate what a twisted bunch we are.

Oh and on the subject of "while" - DON'T ask someone from Yorkshire, or you'l be in even more of a mess!

Sausage in bread roll - aren't we taking Hot Dog here?