h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

can someone give me some advice please,,,,
..how easy is it for someone
to gain equal access to a child,,the freak of an ex has just threw that one at me.....and its all because i won't allow him to take my child near his new girlfriend,his sister~whom i have already got an injuntion against,and let my child sleep at his parents (ex's),due to them smoking approx 400 cigarettes a week and i dont want my child breathing that in....
Would i be in the wrong, or or am i being reasonable by not letting this happen..could he still gain this sort of access.....
what are the courts like with this sort of thing??
one stressed cutie.. :0(

Hi, I don't know much about this, but if you have an injunction on the sister, then surely you have a stand on this. Can you ask the police for advice, if you went to them originally for the injunction?

Hope someone comes along soon with more advice.

Start a thread titled; family law question in UK, you might get some help.

Unless things have changed in the last 7 years (thats when I checked if Jo's 'dad' would have any rights) only you have legal rights to your little 'un unless you were married before they were born and he would have to get a parental responsibility order from the court to be able to demand anything.

Thanks for the messages...

me and the ex were together for 12years,,my child is 5yr,and we have been split up for 3yrs.
we were never married...(thank god for that)

oh god i'm stressed,i can't even write down what i'm thinking because theres too much going on in me head..

Well you know where I am if you need to chat Em

Can your child's family come to your house to see your child? I can understand you not wanting to put him/her in situations where his/her health might suffer, but children really do benfit from extended families.

Mmmmmmm it's always saddedned me a little that my son's other family have never wanted to see him. His grandmother even blanked him in the street once . If something can be worked out amicably do it.

i understand the injunction is protecting the childs health and that is all fair enough

but why do you not want your ex to take your child where he may come into contact with his new partner?

the reason i ask is because a cousin of mine split with her long time boyfriend after having 2 kids together. she now throws a strop and makes life very difficult for him to see the children if she suspects his new girlfriend will be there. i can understand that she might not like the idea of another female figure in her childrens life, and that she may be bitter about him leaving her for the new partner, but i am sure he won't get a say if she gets a new boyfriend. what she needs to understand is that sooner or later, whether she likes it or not, that new girlfriend may play a role in her childrens life. especially when they grow up and decide they want to see their Dad more often than Mum used to allow.

if you have a reason then fine, restrict his access. but don't do it because you have spite towards his new girlfriend, you could run the risk of becoming the 'baddie' a little later down the line.


i have re-read this post just to make sure it isn't provacative, but i feel i should put a disclaimer of sorts here just incase. the above is not an opinion but some advice from a distance as it were. i know i don't know the background which is why i say if you have a reason then go for it. just thought i should state my peaceful intent

Good luck with whatever decision you make though

thanks sandra,mina & creachy


right heres how it is...the ex's sister,well shes not allowed to come near me or my child,ive solicitors letters backing this up,due to harrassment,and quite frankly the further she stays away the better...
ive never stopped my ex from taking my child around to see his parents,i just don't want my child sleeping there,due to them smoking between 200-400 cigs a week,and in the past my child has come home with cig burn marks on his arms,,i just dont want him breathing all that crap in,and coming home with anymore burn marks......i dont smoke,nobody is allowed to smoke in my house and my family tend to smoke outside if the kids are around,


right the ex....well he has taken it upon himself to become a part time dad,i have never stopped him from seeing his child,quite the opposite,its him thats picking and choosing when to come around,ive had this arguement with him
quite a few times now...
last year we had an aggreemewnt with each other that we would keep any future partners away from our child,,i have stuck to this aggreement,but now because he has found someone he wants it to change...now since before xmas ive been gettin funny phoncalls,it comes down to two people,one being his bint and the other being another bint (whom i know),so since xmas thats when ive found out about her,before that he denied having a girlfriend,tho he was with her,,right so why now its been forced in me face,why should i allow my child to go near her,i dont know her,what shes like as a person,or what shes like with children,maybe it some of it comes down to jealousy,but alot of it is through anger at the minute,ive told my ex when i feel ready il let him,but until then its a no...theres alot more to it,oh and another time was that his two sisters,and his 'then' girlfriend came into a pub were i was working one night,just to cause trouble,police were involved that night, its hard to explain it all,,now i bet i'm sounding out to be a right cow,i'm not honestly
but from were i am,its just a total nightmare these last three years

right ive waffled on far too much now,and probably not made any sense to anyone...

males sence to me but that proberbly dosent help much.

and I would be cerfull because under brittish law you have to be married but uunder EU law you dont so I am not shure if he could use that one and if so how much power it really has I will look in to it but I am not a solicater is just did reserch on line

>> if you have a reason then fine, restrict his access. but don't do it because you have spite toward his new girlfriend, you could run the risk of becoming the 'baddie' a little later down the line. <<

This is very good advice. Well worth pondering over and taking the time to be very honest with yourself.

On a similar vein, my Mother died when I was eighteen months old. My Father re-married soon after but tried to sever contact with my Mother's family due mainly to a disagreement with my Mothers sister, my Aunt. During the intervenening couple years it was my Aunt that looked after me until my Father re-married. It didn't succeed but did cause a lot of trouble well into my adult life. I ended up being piggy in the middle between my Father and My Aunt. Not a situation any child should have to endure, to have to chose between one relative and another.

Donald