h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i have a question that has baffled everyone i've ever asked. and no, it's not "how do you know you're in love?" my question is this: what happens when you're tired of being in love with someone? i'm not talking about bored, i'm talking physically exhausted from putting up (lovingly, of course) with all of those little things that are both adorable and special, but also a bit too strange to accept without effort (like why does he always come to the door in his socks?). i'm tired, i'm going to bed.

*blinks*

I think you answered your own question.

'Nonnie

We need a lot more info. Does this chap have a tiled or parquet floor that he's protecting from his shoes? Does he come from a culture that takes shoes off at the front door? Is he wearing anything else? What's the heating level? If his feet would be freezing without socks, would you be more irritated if he put them on any part of your anatomy to warm them up? Does he own a pair of slippers/house shoes? But I agree with Anonymouse - you know the answer.

The answer to the question of what happens when you get tired of love is that you have to start to work. (The sock bit I'll leave for you to figure that one out on your own!)

Relationships are hard work, no matter what the fairy tales tell you. The falling in love part is easy. You've got all these super duper drugs that your system injects into your brain when a suitable mate is in range. The drugs make you get all gooey inside, and essentially turn you into an obsessive lunatic, for a while.

But when the hormones wear off, you're left to your own defenses. That's when you have to start the work. You have to find out what works and what doesn't, in your relationship. And you have to try and make the good stuff happen more often than the bad stuff.

A lot of folks get to the stage when their hormonal rush starts to wane, and they take it to mean that they don't love their mate any more. These people go from relationship to relationship continually searching for that ONE amazing person who can keep the high going. But what they don't realize is that that's not how we humans are made. Lasting love is not an addictive high, it's a sustained level of comfort.

So if Mr. Sock wearing dude is the kind of person who you enjoy taking a walk in the woods with, or if you enjoy his company on lazy Sunday mornings, then you'll eventually figure out what to do.

Very nicely put, Turtle.@

I liked Turtle's reply very much, but I also have another suggestion. Sometimes, being too familiar, spending all of your time in somebody else's company can mean that you feel slightly caged, which in turn can lead to everything becoming more of an effort.

So, my suggestion is quite simple, spend some time apart. Please, don't misunderstand me, I think that having some seperate interests helps to sustain a relationship, and helps you to talk about more when you are together.

I'm not saying that you are spending time apart because you don't love them, quite the opposite, as it makes your time together all the more precious, and they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Mind you, bearing in mind my own relationship status, I shouldn't listen to too much of what I say!!

Yeah, that's one of those traps I'm always falling into. I forget to do stuff for just me. It's so easy to do. But it's important to keep learning, growing, and exploring on your own. (Oh, geez does that sound sappy!) And it's great if you can have seperate friends, who you can talk to.

Oh, and I'm glad you guys enjoyed my reply. That's such a reare occurance! Usually I end up pissing someone off. Heh.

Heh, if you sound sappy turtle, then that makes the both of us sappy! I just think it is very important to maintain perspective in any kind of re,ationship, but especially as love affair, if only to help remind you what attracted you to the person in the first place...

I think that it is a mistake that is very easy to make, to fall into the day-to-day of rut and ritual, to cease to see the uniqueness, beauty and joie de vivre in the other person, which means that when you do spend ytime apart, you come back with new eyes

It is SO easy to get complacent, to think that things will take care of themselves, where, with a little judicious pruning, some light, heat and warmth, nourishment and nurturing, love can be made to last a lifetime.

At least, I hope so!

wow. i'm impressed. i only posted that question in a bought of frustration and, to be honest, i forgot about it almost immediately afterwards. but i must say, i read thru the entries, and you all gave really sound advice. Mr. Sock wearing dude(as he has been named, and quite appropriately is just the kind of guy i'd love to spend the rest of my life with (and no, he's not the kind of guy who is afraid of scratching his floors, he just has poor circulation) and yes, we've gone for walks in the woods and just about everything else. but i was (and still am) under a lot of stress and i felt like he didn't really care and was just making things worse by asking too much of me. so yeah, we're spending some time apart until things in every other aspect of life lighten up a bit. thanx so much for your reponses. great to know at least a couple people out there know what they're talking about.

what about those of us who know nothing at all about what we're talking about yet still would like to chip in with a bit of moral support. for what it's worth it may seem to you that he doesn't really understand the stress that you're under but in reality he could be an alien spy and not use to the subtleties of the human female's emotional range.

that would explain the sock thing

i just wish love was easy.

Wise words - Caspian and Turtle in particular. I live about 3 hours from my girlfriend and don't see her as much as I'd like, but it still gets to the 'tired' stage - I think it's the routine rather than the how frequently you see someone. Part of us wants routine and safety and familiarity, while part of us wants passion and excitement and novelty. It's tricky keep both parts happy but not impossible.

I feel, in a way, if love were easy, that would take away some of the spark, uniqueness and beauty of it. The fact that it is something that we strive for means that we believe it is something worth working towards, and the more you put in, the more you get out! Never be afraid to love with all your heart, for how can you love with less?

you know, you've hit the nail right on the head. i keep thinking that i am loving everything as much as i can. your words made me realise how much deeper a love can be. my capacity for love is overwhelming sometimes, so much that my hands tremble. if i felt that love all the time...i can't even imagine. to love to the point where you would die for something, it's that beautiful.

"Dance like no one is watching,
 Sing like nobody hears,
 And love like you've never been hurt."

that's the answer. nonnie, please have a drink with me. i'm drinking beer. what is your pleasure? you are so wise.

Right now I'm busily sucking down the coffee trying to counteract the effects of riding around in a tanker full of wadka getting to Helena's Hen Night.


'Nonnie

good bye, Nonnie.

*blinks*

*Love's not Time's fool*
WS
shazzPRME