h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am attempting to write a six part radio series (comedy of course) based in the year 2020

I have lurked here and decided that the free thinkers of h2g2 might have some witty and perceptive predictions about what life might be like

what has happened between then and now?

for starters:

Alastair Campbell is DG of the BBC

the Queen is still alive but in about the same state as the Pope

Charles has become a market gardener

there was a massive internet crisis in 2015 - it was discovered that all those fractions of a euro cent not accounted for by bank calculations were being diverted by the worlds biggest operating system to a bank account in Seatle - the Euro computer section issued a bug fix that made the whole lot crash

Radio 4 still exists - but the BBC is also in the business of creating computer games under the terms of its charter

Real newspapers - an anachronism today - continue to exist because people need large sheets of paper to line cat trays, top drawers and for use when decorating houses

Tony Blair's son is PM - despite links being discovered between New Labour and Texas oil money - Jack Straw's son is home secretary

The Americans are about to open a "Saddam Land" theme park

we have batteries good enough to power cars

The Hamiltons have been enobled

Dope bars are operating in every high street

any more ... insane or sensible

Any ideas are liable to be outrageously plagiarised, intellectually mashed and appear as ripples in the ether

dylan

I would suggest you set your sights a little lower that a six part radio series.

Your Ideas so far are a little weak, the Hamiltons, alternative fuel vehicles, Saddam Land etc. are to be honest not funny are they ?

Tony Blairs son is PM ? Didn't that just happen across the pond ? (or is that the point ?)

There is a whole writers section hidden in BBC Comedy on this site somewhere, you could post there to steal peoples ideas.

Err, welcome to H2G2 by the way.

Putting some information up about yourself in your personal space will make sure you are greeted properly (rather unlike my post above).

I don't think any of the ideas are funny either...plausible maybe...funny no.

I suppose they could be funny...if the presentation was right.
What are you planning on doing with this piece when it is finished???

I took the list to be the background context for the play rather than having to be comedic things in themselves. Although I did find some of them funny.


dylan, there are a number of very old prophecies that predict the end of the world around 2020 eg it's meant to be the end of the Mayan calendar. The New Age cults will be especially active round then.

Aha, the old 20-20 foresight saga.

~jwf~

"free thinkers needed"

Maybe we will be charged for our thoughts!
A few *cheap thoughts* could be afforded on a monthly basis after food ,heat and water.

Maybe then they would be valued, a real commodity to trade.

Or then again just wear one as a trendy fashion - Oh my, that thought looks good on you! May I have a try when you're done with it?

You could always steal things from Conan O'Brien's "In the Year 2000" bits (for those who can't or don't watch NBC, Conan O'Brien is a late-night talk show host). He still does those, despite it being 2003.

Also, there are many sci-fi stories set in the future or in alternate realities, and you could easily rip off several of those. I remember a Robert Silverberg story in which California had split up into a few dozen republics, and the Sacramento Republic was facing invasion from the Wiccans. San Francisco was an empire, for some reason, and the Golden Gate Bridge had become a makeshift tenement house.

Anyway, my own suggestions are as follows:

Canada becomes the 55th American state, after Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and Mexico are annexed.

California secedes from the union.

L.A. secedes from California.

Generalissimo George Warbert Hawker Bush declares France a national monument, despite warnings from Secretary of State Madonna that it is a separate country.

Keanu Reeves and company star in "Matrix: Rehashed."

Peter Jackson remakes Citizen Kane, but deems the parts about Rosebud "not worth including."

Vladimir Putin retires from politics to become a rapper.

Fidel Castro retires from dictatorship to star in commercials for adult diapers.

Sport utility vehicles become passe when civilians are allowed to purchase surplus tanks from the military.

Homestarrunner.com becomes a profitable venture when Strong Bad t-shirts become part of the standard U.S. Army uniform.

Due to the success of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central replaces NBC Nightly News as America's Most Watched News Network.

After "Bend it Like Beckham 2" and "Bend it Like Becham with a Vengeance" are greeted with critical acclaim and box-office success, Parminder Nagra becomes America's first female Vice President. When Generalissimo Bush is assassinated by a digruntled Canadian lumberjack, the Presidency passes to Speaker of the House Michael Moore.

Sheep seize control of the Middle East.

Genetically engineered penguins transform the Antarctic into a Marxist utopia.

Time travel is made practical, but is banned after a research physicist burns Rome as a prank.

Super-fast semi-intelligent blue clouds are discovered in the earth's mesosphere; their domestication renders all other forms of air travel obsolete.

The Dandy Warhols inspire a cover band called The Awesome Pollocks, whose record "Nevermind the Pollocks" is banned in the UK.

Researcher #242047 is banned from H2G2 for life after violating the newly added House Rule about making terrible jokes.

Headlines for the US in the year 2035 (email joke circulating)

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in
the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops &livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to
Wednesday only.

35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters, and rolled
up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

RS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Florida Voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.

What will happen to Bob Dylan????

Peanut butter is important.

2020 is not very far away.

How about having many futures in 2020 by inventing a time machine and having fun testing the time-travel paradox?

For example, you could go back to the Garden Of Eden and pinch all the apples, then return to 2020 to see if that made any difference to the future. You could go back to a random year in a random century, kill someone and see how the world is different in 2020 (you could kill someone 'unimportant' and found out their removal had suprising consequences). You could go back in time, kill one of your ancestors, then when you return find yourself in a kind of pre-birth limbo state.

Or, maybe someone in the future finds that all the DNA from people who've lived is stored someone (an area of the ozone layer or something) and all the greats (and some not-so-greats) from the past are recreated.

This website may help to provide some ideas:

http://www.longbets.org/

If you're pressed for time this is the page of predictions:

http://www.longbets.org/predictions

thanks for the excellent replies and suggestions

dead right andrea - the ideas are not supposed to be funny of themselves - merely the background to a series of incidents

as for transparency - sneijder

I am a 47 year old freelance radio journo filling in time between jobs

- the plans will rattle around my laptop for months and may never escape - but I will benefit from the mental excerise

the reason for doing it in 2020 is not just the hindsight - but it allows me to be more ruthless in criticising current developments - less need for balance - otherwise you would have to make as many jokes at the expense of the tories as you do new labour

Dr Unscrupulous - thanks for your suggestions - excellent

spunks - excellent link

as for the core idea - I am a great fan of Mark Twain

I aim to invent a newspaper hack called Sam Clemens - and use many of the plots and characters created by Twain - so many of the things he said 100 years ago are relevant to today - and make me laugh

he snipes at politicians and bureacrats for being ego-maniacs and obstructive

I aim to write something that works on the surface level but stays faithful to Twain's ideas and thoughts for the sake of the part of the audience that understands the link between clements and twain

so I aim to knock out half a dozen outlines and see if I can get anyone interested..

certainly I am being optimistic about my abilities - and the way the BBC might receive the idea ....but if you are not optimisitic at the beginning of a project then it ain't worth starting at all

even DA started somewhere

Crikey, Spinks, the predictions on that site must qualify amongst the world's most boring! No slur intended on you, obviously.

I mean, take #13:

By 2007, the U.S. Government will intervene to prevent at least one of the Incumbent Local Exchange Carriers (ILECs)/Regional Bell Operating Companines (RBOCs) (e.g. Verizon, SBC, Bell South, and EXCEPTING Qwest) from filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

Yeah, right. WHAT?

I'm more concerned about being called 'spunks'.

I would check out www.bbc.co.uk/future

There was a project there not so long ago to do visions of life in 2020...

sorry spinks

dyslexic fingers

I am old enough to have learned to type on a manual machine

dylan

>> ..learned to type on a manual machine,,<<


See, you're way ahead of Sammy Clemmings (sic) already.


Oh wow, what a way to start your story...

"Sammy thought about opening the small wooden crate that had been delivered that afternoon. It was postmarked New York, 1929 but had only been discovered by the servants of the Royal Male during the demolitions of 2020. Finally, after months of x-ray and other scans, the Postmaster General decided it was safe to deliver.

But the address had ceased to exist sometime in the early 1940s and it is standard procedure to return undeliverable items to the sender, a Sammy Clemmings of 42nd Street, NY., NY.

The New York post office still had on-file a forwarding address and the package was soon heading across the ocean once more. On Dec 31, 2020 it arrived at the home of Sammy Clemmings of the High Street, London.

His great grandson, Sammy Clemmings the V, received it and now, waiting for the midnight chime of Big Ben to usher in 2021, he contemplated the package..."

It's all yours now sport!

~jwf~