h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know these jokes that are used again and again, and should really be put out to grass?

Example: I'm on a sea food diet. I see food and I eat it.

Example: I think astrology is rubbish, but that's a typical trait of gemini.

You can't beat/get rid of the classic "dad" jokes!

Are they the ones that your Dad will persist in telling, despite the fact that the rest of the family are cringing in embarrassment under the sofa cushions?

Yeah, we have lots of those.

B

My Dad IS one of those, bless 'im!

We get dragged into appaling Pun Wars. In the end, noboday wins.

Dad!

Ah, Dilbert.

B

I never claimed to be original, only apt, B

"Friendly fire: how friendly is it?" Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

It's another bad american import!

What about the elephant jokes? I love 'em!

'The average family has 2.4 children. What's .4 of a child?'

I heard it first from Dave Allen, and I've heard it ripped off many times since.

Well it's 2.12 children now, shows how old that joke is!

*chuckle* yes i'd heard it had changed.

With my dad, whenever anyone would say to him "You know what?" his immediate reply was always "yes, he invented the light bulb." He never EVER got sick of saying this, no matter how many times you told him it wasnt funny.

My mother would say 'he invented the steam engine...'

I thought that was Stephenson!

Aaarg, Industrial History Alert!

James Watt invented the practical steam engine, utilised by George Stephenson to provide locomotion. Watt also got the 'unit of power' named after him for no particular reason. The lightbulb was Edison, I think.

I think that's right, I'm a little rusty on my names and dates...

Well it was Watts that invented the lightbulb, and thats one of those topics that seperates the Anglo's from the Yanks. I think the supposed inventer of telephone is another example. The main evidence for Watts invention is that Newcastle had the first set of street lights in the world!

Surely a different Watts? Steam engines are a lot earlier? And I'm not a Yank, so I'm not fighting the corner on patriotic grounds!

Well according to QI, rails were invented by the Romans ands the first steam boiler the Greeks. If only they managed to put the two together!

It definitely wasn't Edison who invented the light bulb... As Tom Hanks says in the last episode of his miniseries 'From the Earth to the Moon', Edison was well known for theft of inventions and claiming credit. Hence the Americans claiming (as they used to accuse the Russians of doing) credit for *everything*!