h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does everyone know where New Zealand is? Or do I have to educate the world?

I know where New Zealand is, but not everybody does. There's a fair few people in Outer Mongolia who don't know, plus some in Darkest Africa. Then there are the various tribes of South American Indians who don't have a clue. You could start with them, I suppose.

If you want an easier job, try teaching our friends from the States. Americans have a reputation for being bad at geography - Heaven only knows how they made it to the Moon and back! Here are some genuine examples.

1. Woman phones her travel agent wanting to book a flight to 'Hippopotamus, New York'. The travel agent has never heard of this town, so goes away to check it up. After some time the travel agent phones back and asks if the woman means Buffalo, New York. The woman replies, 'Well, I knew it was some kind of large animal'.

2. After a holiday in Orlando a man phones his travel agent and complains that his hotel room didn't have a sea view. When told that hotels in Orlando don't have sea views because Orlando is inland, the man replies, 'Don't give me that! I looked at a map. Florida is a very narrow state!' (Not that narrow, Buster!)

3. A woman phones a travel agent wanting to book a room in a hotel in Los Angeles. The travel agent has no record of the hotel and asks the woman for the full address, which ends 'New Orleans, LA' (that's Louisiana, for those that don't know). The woman had thought that New Orleans was a suburb of Los Angeles.

4. A man asks his travel agent if he will be able to see Britain from his hotel room in Canada. He is surprised when the travel agent says no, because 'They look so close on the map'.

So start educating our American friends - they need to be told there's a whole world beyond their shores!

*Ahem* .. Erm.. Excuse me?

A bit less Yank-bashing, please? A little goes a long way and I'm starting to see a tad more than a little 'round here.

New Zealand? Is that the one southeast of Australia? The one that looks a bit like an upside-down Italian Boot? Or am I just too st00p1d?

It not just the Americans that are bad at geography the people of SE England are renowned for thinking Glascow is just to the North of Birmingham try about 5 hours drive on a good day.

I think anything outside the M25 is too much for the average Londoner to handle and were a smaller country than most American states.

Yes, I agree, the British can be bad at geography too. Londoners have a reputation for considering anything outside London to be the back-of-beyond, and therefore not worth considering. People from Birmingham have a reputation for considering anything past Evesham a bit far for a day out. (Evesham is not THAT far from Birmingham - about an hour's drive!)

I wasn't Yank-bashing, honest! (After all, they do have more geography to not know/forget than most countries, it's just that the things they get wrong seem fairly basic to me.) I've only ever met a few Americans, but the ones I have met have been OK. BTW I also laugh at the things foreigners get wrong when they try to translate things into English, so it's not just Americans that amuse me.

The examples I posted came from AMERICAN travel agents. So if anyone was 'Yank-bashing', it's the travel agents, who seem to be as amazed as I am by the lack of knowledge of basic geography. I merely passed them on as potentially amusing. If you're not amused, I apologise, but I think they're funny.

Whilst I will always encourage "Yank bashing" us Brits are not exactly brilliant. How many of us thought the Falkland Islands were off the coast of Scotland when Argentina claimed them in the 80s?

Many years ago a geography teacher showed us a humourous "perception map" of the UK based on Londoners, both the South West (where I am from) and the North were stretched to infinity with comment such as "Civilization stops here" and "Dirt tracks only"

Back to the Yanks, Bil Bryson, an American, has noticed what he terms the "London, England" syndrome. ie When news reporters state that they are reporting from "london, England" or paris, France etc because most USA citizens need reminding. another such comments he reporst is "And in Albany today they had 12 inches of snow, thats about a foot"



Chris

Ah, yes! Bill Bryson! Read an article by him - great sense of humour. Must get round to reading his 'Notes from a Small Island' one day.

I suppose it's like us saying Boston, Lincolnshire.

Though then again I suppose more happens in Boston, USA, or London, England or Paris, France than say Boston, England or London, Cananda or Paris, USA.

I've forgotten the point I was trying to make, however there is fault on both sides.

My Mum's been reading Bryson's stuff on and off....she and I are of UK birth though she's lived there for a great deal longer than I have. In one section of Bryson's book he lists British and American expressions or abbreviations for common words or terminology....According to Mum, and when read aloud I had to agree with her, he's got about 40% of the "translations" wrong.

At one point I suggested contacting him with the corrections, but I don't think this has happened yet.

Fruitbat

Well, uh.....uh...oh never mind.

*gwins* Sowwy.. Just caught me on a bad day. I do think they're hillarious, and if I had found that email (it's been around at least a dozen times just since -I've- been around ) I'd have already had it up in my jokes collection.

Never personally heard of Bil Bryson, but if he reports from the US, then he's probably stipulating London, -England- because so many US States (including mine) has a town called London. (We also have a Paris, Moscow, Rome, Glassgow, Jerusalem, Sydney, Brisbane, Toronto, Dublin, Auckland, and a host of others... We can go around the world and never cross the state line! )

Uhm.. *grins* Boston -what-, USA? Boston, Massachusetts? Boston, Ohio? Boston, Michigan? Boston, Alabama? Boston, Arkansas? Boston, Georgia? Boston, Indiana? Boston, Kentucky? Boston, Louisiana? Boston, Missouri? Boston, New York? Boston, Pennsylvania? Boston, Tennessee? Boston, Texas? Boston, Virginia?

(Mind you, many of these have not only -one- Boston, but several -- in different counties, not to mention all the Boston Harbours, Boston Heights, Boston , or Bosstowns which abound.)

That's OK, I'm not really peeved.

Actually, there were about a dozen on the original e-mail I received, but I picked out those because (a) they were amongst the funniest ,and (b) they were the ones I could remember. Others included a woman who 'wanted to go to Pepsi-Cola on a computer plane' and the woman who wanted to know if airports put personal characteristics on people's luggage; the airport (Fresno, I think) had put a label 'FAT' on her bag, and she was somewhat overweight - the travel agent (trying not to laugh) explained it was the airport identifier.

I'll try to hunt out the original e-mail and post the rest!

'Nony

Bill Bryson is one of the funniest exports from USA, originally from Des Moines, he moved to the UK in early adulthood, to work as a journalist, he does travel writing, but is much more of an observer of the human condition. Having lived both in the USA and UK (He's back in the states now) he can see the sublimly stupid and the sureal in both cultures.

He is bigger in the UK than USA, many because, sadly Americans seem to have less ability to laugh about themselves than British people do. Horrible generalization but sadly true, BB got in severe trouble at home for criticise some town or other, but in the UK even the places he slags off seem to like him.

Cheers

Chris

It that us British have always had to laugh at ourselves. I mean who are we really. German(Saxon, Angles) Russian (Celts) Scandinavian(Danish, Norse etc) French (Norman, Bretons) Italian, Afro-Caribean need I go on we have too laugh as we have no true identity.

I mean the Scots were once Irish and the Irish once Scots need I say more.

Hmmm... and we forget the Welsh again

Alway try and forget the Welsh

The "London, England" syndrome is alive and well in the UK news media as well. Only this week I heard this (or close aproximation)

"The 75 year old pensioner" I mean durr! I realy need to be told that at 75 you count a pensioner

Also there is since the popularity of legal action the over use of the word alleged.

As in "A 75 year old pensioner was attacked last night with a baseball bat. The alleged attack tooked place as he was going home after bingo. A journalist has since been arrested." There is nothing allege about the attack IT HAPPENED.

Sorry rant over

Chris

Allegedly you could be 75 and not be a pensioner. I used to work for the Social Security Agency allegedly and everthing was allegedly possible but no money was allegedly forthcoming.

Allegedly yours DD