h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I want to write a guide entry on coping with the death of a family pet and thought it might be nice to include some advice and personal experiences from you lot. You'll all be credited of course.

Build it, and they will come

You know, Eco Worrier U290 might be someone to contact - she's got vast experience with pets

Well, from experience , don't be afraid to be upset, some people don't understand just how atatched you can come become to a much loved pet.
Mark the grave if in your back garden, it is OK to put your pets toys in their grave, or keep the toys as reminders of your pet.
There are people you can ring to talk about the loss of a pet, when you have had a pet for 15 years, especially if you live on your own, it can be a great loss.
Talk to friends about your pet dieing, it does help.

I had a close friend who had many fish, mostly goldfish. When one died it would be sent to 'Fish Heaven', flushed down the toilet. She had one fish that was too big to go down the loo, and she was petrified that it would be kept out of heaven because it had to be buried in the garden instead.

I had a canary that commited an amazing Houdini when I was about 8. Managed to fly out of cage all by himself apparently. Incredible bird.

Here is a thread I started concerning my cat Lua, who was diagnosed with cancer. It was very helpful, not just for me but for others. After Lua died (at home, in my arms) the thread turned into a more general talk about pets, but it has also helped keep Lua's memory alive (it ended up a very long rambling thread but there is some good caring stuff in there if you have the patience to wade through it).

F119314?thread=380831

az

Many years ago my ex's Grandma's budgie, Bobby, died in the night. Her husband, realising she would be very upset, snuck out of the house, while she was still in bed and bought a new one. Bobby was blue, but the pet store didn't have any blue ones, only green. With the grandma being virtually blind, hubby didn't think she'd notice.

Several weeks later, the family had gathered for the "Sunday visit". After a couple of hours, grandma piped up "I think there's something wrong with Bobby, he doesn't talk any more and he's changed colour!"
Oops, rumbled! (although I don't think anyone did ever tell her it was a different bird)

That was kind of caring, but not really the way to do it (funny though!).

Our pet dog Henry died last year at the grand old age of 14. We'd had him since he was a few months old, and it was a real wrench to see him go even though it was probably a release for him. In the last few years of his life he had diabetes, Cushing's Disease (a disease of the adrenal glands) and finally he had canine leukaemia.

The vets, bless them, did what they could to treat him, even giving him chemotherapy. The last couple of days before he died, we thought he was getting better as he was back to his mischievous, awkward old self - but he had a sudden, drastic relapse and had to be put down.

The only thing I can say is that the pain doesn't go away entirely. I still miss him loads - especially as we haven't got a dog at the moment. The only thing that helps is knowing that he was utterly irreplaceable - at least, although I know lots of dogs and dog owners, none have any with the same personality as he did . And it was good to have a few days with him back to his old self before he died.

If you've had a pet a long time, as we did Henry, when they die it's like losing a close member of the family. Let yourself cry and mourn as you would if they were human - heck, even 14 months later, something can set me off missing him and I'll start crying again. He was a Jack Russell/English Bull Terrier cross, and somehow he seemed to moult all year round. His hairs stuck to *everything*. Even though I've moved, and most of my clothes have been through the washing machine many times, I'm still finding his hairs all over the place - and even now, every now and again, that will make me cry and miss him all over again.

I think what amazed me at the time was everyone's sympathy and understanding about it - no-one said to me "Oh, he was just a dog." People understood and let me grieve.

Anyway, given that I've written an essay, I'm going to shut up now!

Thanks for this everyone

I'll look through your thread Az and i'll post n ask if anyone minds me quoting them in the entry too.

If anyone's wondering why I suddenly had this idea..and it was quite sudden our little hamster was put down yesterday after developing kidney failure. She was my sons first real pet after the goldfish he killed by feeding them jammy dodgers in the night!

>> after the goldfish he killed by feeding them jammy dodgers in the night! <<

Well, I hope he's learned his lesson...only feed jammy dodgers to goldfish during daylight hours.

RF

ha ha!

i only mentioned when he did to show it was behind my back

<> (Rains)

It *is* really like that - losing a family member. Well, because they are. Lua was also 14 when she died - almost two years ago now - and I still miss that crankiest of all cats. Really, she was such a bitch-on-paws that one, but I think it was because of her very strong personality that she left such a gap. My two boys (Lua's son Sunny and rescue cat Azar) are both adorably affectionate. But it was Lua who was always the 'challenge'. It took *so much work* to love her sometimes. And now I'd give anything to see her totally pissed-off looking gorgeous face again. She really was something, that one.

az

I had to have my pet rat put down. He had had treatment over a long time for something that was making him make croaking/coughing noises, but wasn't too bad, but suddenly started losing weight and behaving strangely like jumping from top of cage and crashing into wire cage cutting face. He just didn't seem happy any more, but was two and a half years old so was fairly old(ish) for a rat. I still feel guilty for putting him down, but wonder if he was getting tumours in brain causing his odd behaviour.
....I buried him in a tin in back garden in one of my white shirts and some of his toys, and the walnut he had started to chew into. I still miss him and feel guilty about putting him to sleep,` I was in floods of tears when I did.

When hamsters and mice die, I bury them in the garden, but I don't mark their graves as I know they'll decompose pretty quickly.

When pets are killed on the road, we have buried them in the garden. We have a little funeral service and say nice things about them. It's a way of saying goodbye and finalising things.

Where I've had to have animals put to sleep because they're ill, or in pain or their quality of life is nil, I arrange for the vet to call at the house or I take the pets to the surgery. As the final injection is given, I cuddle and stroke my pet, and I talk. Other family members may be there, but it can be very upsetting and not everyone can cope with the distress.

It's important to have friends who you can chat with about the death of a pet. Okay, it can sound a bit weird to non pet lovers/owners, but a true friend will listen.

Equally it's very important that I ask about my friends' pets, and give them sympathy and support.

Each time I lose a pet I vow 'never again'. Famous last words.

I do grieve about the loss of a pet, but not publicly. I save my tears for private moments. And when my family's upset about losing a pet I put on a brave face and make sure I give them the cuddles.

Pets aren't human, but they are part of my family life.

Anyway, Seraphina, good look with your project. Please let me know when you've finished it as I would love to read it.

Since I've had a garden and the odd few gerbil deaths, my family and I have had a burial "service" for them. each of tells a story about how we remember them, we light nightlights and incense and wait for the candles to gutter before going back indoors.

When Melissa died (one of our original gerbils) we found this helped the kids come to terms with what had happened, the grave was marked with lolly sticks, long since gone now, though.

Sadly, none of my pet mosqitoes has survived being stroked. But as soon as they land on me, I want to stroke the lovable little rogues!

RF

Tried talking to them

We had a little a funeral for texas chainsaw (our hamster) yesterday, not much though as ged had trouble stopping me making off with her body to cuddle it forever
We dont have a garden so shes in front of the balcony , im n ground floor.
We found a nice box for her and the vet had wrapped her in tissue. As the hole was being dug I lit a couple of tealights and asked the goddess to see her soul safely to the summerlands
and ged made a cairn over the covered hole with some dug up stones.
It's seeming to help my young son that he can go sit and talk to her when he wants to. She was his first proper pet and first real loss.
When the vet did the deed we were asked to wait outside for her to be returned to us, We didn't
see her die, but had said our goodbyes just before.

That is lovely.

Texan Chainsaw !

We called our first hamster Goldie