h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry Az, it's just my disabled friends tend to get quite irritated when people suggest they can't do something- my mate Chris gets annoyed when people suggest he ought not got to heavy metal and punk gigs in a wheelchair.

I know that, Kerr, no problem. I have a blind friend who hates the thought of people seeing him as 'disabled'. Really, he is amazing.

The point I was trying to make - sorry if I did that badly - was to say that people who *don't* have an obvious physical disability are not treated as carefully as others who have an emotional disability. The point was that an emotional disability should be treated with the same respect and understanding, not to say one should think a person is 'unable' to do certain things, but just give them a bit of slack, you know what I mean?

I think I can say that Kaz would not like to have herself seen as 'emotionally disabled' but on the other hand, people could be more sensitive and understanding. I need this too, quite often. It is a bit of a disability at times - to have to pretend to be 'normal'.

az

oops sorry, said that all bass-ackwards - oops

That people who do have an obvious physical disability are treated with more understanding than those whose problems are not so obvious.

aaaargh - sorry - am late for a lunch appointment and am not thinking nor typing clearly.

az

Get you

No worries.

"should be treated with the same respect and understanding"

Careful what you wish for...being called brave and plucky and being patted on the head isn't all it's cracked up to be

oooooh - ick! If someone ever called me brave and plucky I would seriously pity them (for the telling off they would get from little ole me! ).

I'm talking about genuine understanding and real respect. Not a pat on the head.

az

We can all be tactless when talking if we are unaware of something that has affected someone within earshot. This might be the most trivial of jokes or comments, but can be very hurtful to someone who is sensitive about the issue. Sometimes it's just someone else's viewpoint that jars.
Sadly some people are even deliberately hurtful or offensive.

Coping with these sorts of situations is another aspect of learning to live with trauma.

Learning how to cope with those situations is the sort of help I would have appreciated from counselling, something useful rather than me just talking and talking.

I think your curent coping technique (describing your experiences in great detail) is incredibly effective - not only at stopping anyone from carrying on on the offensive but also in adding to peoples understanding

wonder if anyone would be interested on voting for what they consider to be the worst word over on the Ouch! website: http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/yourspace/worstwords/ (I only mention this because Ouch! considers people with mental health problems to be a valuable part of it's audience/community but they're to some extent underrepresented...oh and cos one of the words is "Psycho")

PencilQueen, you consider my current technique to be effective! But I want to stop doing that, as I thought it alienated people and prejudiced them against wanting to talk to me further, as others believe I will always go on in uncomfortable detail about this stuff.

I think it's just a case of getting the balance right...people who just don't understand don't need so much detail as people who don't *want* to understand...just a case of spotting which is which - which isn't easy...

hi Kaz and Pencil Queen,

I agree that a balance should be found. I also know that there is a time when talking about this stuff is necessary, even at the risk of alienating people. But this need to constantly explain does calm down a bit once some basic self-esteem is re-established. Then there is not so much need to 'explain' all the time because, well, there just isn't that need.

I used to do this a lot too, Kaz. And now not so much anymore. Though it still happens from time to time. I reckon it's just something that will always be lurking - this need to explain. But now it is usually special circumstances that make me feel the need to do this. Before it was almost an every day sort of thing, which I can understand would be quite tiring for most people to hear all the time.

But sometimes people do get stuck and have to keep talking until they get unstuck.

Anyhow, Kaz, you can always 'pester' me on my personal page if you ever need to just TALK. Trust me. Been there. And I even sometimes go back there during times of stress. It ain't no picnic. And I think you can understand when I say I don't go back there because I want to. It just happens to me sometimes. At those times, it's good to talk. And perhaps it's much better to talk 'amongst equals' than bother all those happy 'normal' folk out there.

az

One thing I have not seen brought up about tramatic events is that people are first in shock then they get back to normal life and at the anniversary of the event a year later.....is often the worst and most painful. This fact can distort the figures on who was helped, why and when.

As anyone with PTSD knows the memory lives within your cells. You do not always have control over the effect it will have and when. People say they are taken by surprize "out of the blue". When you reach this point it makes much more sense than it feels like it does. That is when a little hand holding an explanation can do wonders. People sometimes feel like they have failed if the same ghost pops up again and again, one they thought they had put to rest.

On the topic of not seeking help for minor things ~~ they often are part of the pattern of larger things or a repeated not working pattern of behavior. If that is the case then they are important to look into further.

Hi again,

Came across this story today and it reminded me of this thread.


http://observer.guardian.co.uk/ukmentalhealth/story/0,8224,1061094,00.html


It's not specifically to do with major traumatic events, but about every day traumas and how people cope with them.

az

Interesting article that.

I guess there are times when we need to focus on our difficulties and times when we need to get over it and do something else. Both won't be the right thing at the same time though. Which makes working out which to do, a little difficult!

Thanks for the link az!