h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi H2g2ers (or whatever we're supposed to call ourselves),

The question is in the title really What is the most weird and wonderful, silly and stupendous, daft and dangerous thing that has happened to you on the bus, the tram, the train, the tube, the ferry etc. ?

Has anyone had an experience like Sandra Bullock in the film, Speed?

Has anyone ever had to solve a mystery aboard The Orient Express?

Has anyone ever been on the 'Midnight Train To Georgia"?

Please tell us more.......

Your Ever Humble Servant,

KMA winner, Neri Aracro

Got on a train on a Sunday night going from Carlisle to London (which usually takes about 7 hours on a sunday... found our reserved seats (traveling with a friend) and sat down opposite two elderly, well-dressed very conservative looking ladies.

As we pulled out of the station the two ladies started up a conversation with us... and then invited us to share their dinner... they then go on to pull out a picnic hamper (with four place settings ), bottles of champagne, (four glasses) fois gras, caviar, smoked salmon etc... (the list could go on for ever).

Had the most fascinating journey of my life listening to these two old ladies who'd travelled the world over... India, Singapore, Africa, the lot! And now, once a month they travelled down from Edinburgh to London and would share their meal with whoever sat down opposite them - just to meet new people.

I must admit, when you're twenty two years old, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a very very short haircut (virtually a skinhead) that's the last thing you expect - and to this day it still reminds me not to take people at face value.

I once caught a train that left on time and, wait for it ...





... arrived on time!

Are you telling a tall story Madent?

If it's true it certainly beats the time when I saw a ghost on the deserted top deck of the 68 bus on my way home from college one afternoon.

I travel a lot:

The bus station that smells like pee every day

The handicapped gentleman who is a pervert and "accidentally" grabs your chest.

The bizarre man who was obsessed with me when I rode the same bus,who I accidentally moved into the same neighborhood as, who then followed me for two blocks without me even knowing (and nonchalantly...pardon spelling...informed me of this to the horror of the shopkeeper who he was also scaring).

Unusual...you did not say enjoyable

I once flew with ryanair from Denmark to London. A trip that is supposed to take about 1½ hour. Due to different things, it ended up taking 9 hours instead. I'm actually flying the same route with ryanair on sunday, wish me luck.

I once saw a man combing his beard on the bus. That was a bit strange.

once had a rather dubious looking young male individual get on the train and make his way down the carriages telling people 'you ain;t seen me'. I did look for the film crew from the fast show but as the police were following him down the train I believe that this was actually his clever plan to evade capture. Presumably he hadn;t noticed that there really are only two choices of direction in a train carriage and since the police were in one direction.....

I, also, have managed to catch a train which both arrived on time and left on time. Not only that, the connecting train did the same. I had to go and have a quiet sit down in the waiting room after that

Well I have a plane story as well,

Our Gulf Air pilot when we were descending to the airport in Manila, suddenly pulled the plane back up again (cue vomit bags) and said very politely over the speaker;

"Very sorry Ladies and Gentlemen, I've missed the runway and I am now attempting to touchdown again"

Your Ever Humble Servant,
KMA winner NEri Aracro

A couple of years ago, me and my friends were kidnapped by a very strange bus driver.

Well, we were about to get off the bus when he slammed the doors shut and started speeding down the road at about 50mph.

A lot of shouting went on between us and it was found out that apparently we had pressed the bell a few too many times; (none of the other passengers noticing) and therefore would, "Play games as well".

Well, the drover was tracked down and fined by the bus company.

Your Ever Humble Servant
KMA winner Neri Aracro

Sorry, Its, "Driver" not "Drover" as I have written above!

The train I caught last thursday had a Quite Coach on it.
Quite what I don't know

I tried where I was sitting in a bus, on one of the front seats. Suddenly a pheasant comes flying right up in front of the bus. It smacked right into the large front window with a loud bang. Gave me quite a shock.

I was publicly ridiculed on a train by the ticket collector for wanting other people to stop smoking in a non-smoking carriage.

That is terrible.

What did he say to you?

Oh I heard the best excuse ever for my train being late last year - "Connex apologise for the late running of the 7.30-something from Tunbridge Wells. This was due to a train being on the line at Chelsfield"

Oh god well that is a surprise isn't it???!!!!!

I was on National Express coach travelling from Manchester to London. The coach stopped for a five minute break, and some people got off to stretch their legs etc. As the final two passengers - two guys - walked back to the bus, the bus driver closed the bus doors on five minutes EXACTLY, when the guys were about 2 metres away from the coach. He drove off and left them there, and their luggage in the luggage dept too!

Someone behind us said "I've got a feeling National Express will be getting a couple of complaint letters".

I fell over on the train once and landed with my head in some blokes lap, to make things worse my hair got tangled in his fly zip and I had to rip a chunk of hair out to get my head free

I was on a train the derailed and got to see some poor train employee feebly trying to push the (more than a few) tonnes of engine back onto the track

I managed to miss the train home to Liverpool twice...not particularly impressive until you realise that the trains were 2 hours apart, I was 6 hours late getting onto the actual train stayed over with my sister in birmingham and then ended up stuck on stafford station on a sunday for another 3 hours because my connecting train had gone, ended up being over 24 hours late into liverpool.

When I was 5 me and my sister travelled across london on the underground with our bucket and spades out on our way to bournemouth...we got a few funny looks.

I was on a new year's eve flight from Calgary (Alberta, Canada) to Vancouver B.C. I looked out the window shortly after takeoff and noticed that the Rocky Mountains were exactly where they should be. Good. I had a beer and the Rockies had strangely and suddenly moved to the other side of the plane. Bad. A meek little voice came over the loudspeaker announcing that the nose had fallen off the plane and, although we could still fly, due to the wind drag, we would mostly likely run out of gas before reaching our destination. "Don't worry, though", he said chuckling, "we are pretty sure there is nothing wrong with the landing gear so we will be circling around Calgary until we are sure. You may catch another flight to Vancouver tomorrow".
Hmph. missed a particularly good party in Vancouver, so I am told. Karma moment; 3 weeks later that particular airline went bankrupt.

I was once on a train froM Darlington to York, in 2000 just after the end of the Edinburgh festival, and I ended up sharing a table witht wo magnificently bladdered Australians, both of whom had huge camping rucksacks full of nothing but alcohol. They were also aplaying Bob Marley on a portable CD player with speakers attached for the benefit of all passengers, and were offering alcohol around to anyone who wanted it, instigating drinking games (although we had trouble playing vodka barman as no-one had any water- one of the aussies then went and filled an empty whisky bottle with wtaer from the tap to make the game possible.

I was only on the same train as them for about two hours, but almost fell out of the train at york, only to discover that I's missed my connection.But you know, that time I didn't mind.