h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Simulpost!

I'm sure the gentleman, who's b*ll*cks you removed in order to Whap somebody round the head with, would be mortally offended!

Q

or at the very least, highly miffed!

It would be cold because the ground is always colder than the air... it doesn't get heated by the sun. That's why dogs always dig in the summer... they're just scratching off the surface dirt to give themselves a nice cool thing to lay on. The deeper you dig, the colder it gets.

How about the phrase "this tastes like p*ss/sh*t!"- as if we're all connissuers of bodily waste!
Please don't prove me wrong.

Or how about, "You look like 10 pounds of s**t stuffed in a 5-pound bag"?

How many people have actually performed this experiment?

Speaking of which, one day on vacation in Maui, the guys I shared the hotel room with were anxiously waiting for me to get out of the bathroom so we could go out, but it was taking me forever. It was a highly productive endeavor. When I came out, I said that, since I'd just produced ten pounds of s**t, I decided to see what everyone was talking about, and stuffed it in a 5-pound bag, but it didn't look anything like me. I feigned disappointment.

When the laughter died down, one of the guys accused, "You spent the whole time in there thinking of that joke!" What could I say? I had a lot of time to think in there.

'deaf as a post'

'thick as two short planks'

'that smells like camel's armpits'

Camels are mighty smelly, especially sweaty camels, so I should imagine their armpits (or should that be fore-leg pits? I'll avoid hind-leg pits cuz that doesn't even bear thinking about!) would be very, very smelly. Even smellier possibly than 10 pounds of sh!t, whether it was in a 5lb bag or not!

I think I'll shout at a post tomorrow to see if it's true.

Q

so what about 'thick as two short planks'

Are planks that stupid?
surely the wood retains the same thickness no matter it's length.

camels really smell that bad huh?

uuuhhhhh Blatherskyte, i've actually had to put ten pounds of manure in a 5# bag. That was just the description of the sack though.
But I always wondered how things could be hot as hell and cold as hell. That one always stumps me.

Oh well,
TUUUYSCS,
Deuce

Sorry Blatherskite.

Deuce.

The one that always gets me (and that I call people on, if I know them well enough) is 'F*ckin' car!' Since when have cars reproduced themselves?









Insert any other inanimate object you want

"Insert any other inanimate object you want"

*typical male imature chuckle*

*fists on hips*

That's not what I meant and you know it!

hence "typical" and "immature"

Good point...

Freezing the balls (not nuts) off brass monkeys actually comes from cannon balls being kept on brass stands called monkeys. Cannon balls do not contract as much as brass monkeys so that when it gets really cold the brass monkey contracts enough for the cannon ball to fall off. So with a little knowledge that one actually makes sense.

While I'm getting pedantic, which I'm good at, when was the last time the post heard you talk to it?

Ythika

Well thank you for clearing up the 'brass monkey' giraffe!

Well as the post can't talk (bar the ones that take your orders at drive through MaccyDs, but I'm sure that's not the post talking), it can't say whether it can hear me or not. So perhaps the phrase should be 'as mute as a post'?

I rode a camel up Mt. Sinai last year, it was a more wooly camel than usual, being as it goes up mountains, and by the time we got to the top, it was a bit sweaty, I wondered later what that awful smell on my hands were - and remembered fussing the camel - it ponged. Though I didn't venture anywhere near it's armpits, so I can't vouch for those.

As to somebody declaring that their drink tastes like a cup of p!ss..

Q

@ "Mute as a post"

"thick as pig sh*t" ... ... I'm sure there must be some porcine excrement somewhere with a diploma in Keynesian Economic policy or a PhD in Neuro-Science ... talk about generalisations

"hung like a donkey"
I mean, where exactly in the world do they condemn donkeys to the gallows and for what crime?