h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Should I stay or should I go?

If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double

Where are you going with your fetlocks flapping in the...


...wind?



As far away from you as possible?

"My Lovely Horse" - Father Ted

What is this thing called, love?

It's a washbasket and you can put your dirty clothes in it instead of leaving them all over the bedroom.

F

do ya love me?

no. you're a crap dancer

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?

Not if yer gonna go an' speak all foreign ...

"are you burnin? yeah baby are you burnin?"

cousre i bloody am! you've just set fire to my in leg, AAAAUUUGHHH

"where do you go, my lovely?"

gettin some fags from corner shop...fancy a shag?

"Whos that girl running around with you?"

Shes my training partner, now stop being such a crazy jealous bitch or we're finished.


"Hello I love you wont you tell me your name?"

No I wont, you freak.

"Come on baby light my fire, try to set the world on fire"

Look you're really worrying me now.

why do yoo build me up?

because your horizontally challenged

Are you ready, are you ready for love?

Well, yes, in a general sense, but with you, no.


Geggs

Was it the father, or the son, or the holy ghost, the butler in the kitchen or the gameshow host, the policeman on the corner who shows you the way, or the geezer with the beard who comes on Xmas day?

how did you get to be a heart breaker?

well, i got my clamp and a small surgeons knife then found some gas to knock you out first...

How can I sing like a girl?

Various methods are available.


Geggs

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Well, Bob, I doubt that the famine-stricken of Ethiopia have much time to familiarise themselves with Christian ideology what with the whole starving and dying they have to be getting on with, but I'm sure they'd get the message if you just head down there sharpish and sort them out some oranges with lots of little cloves stuck in them. Or you can take these Brazil nuts, they don't seem to be shifting.

Should I stay or should I go? If I go there will be trouble, if I stay it will be double.

Simple mathematics, mate. P*ss off.

How do we sleep when our beds are burning?

Well, obviously avoid the beds! Please leave the building in an orderly fashion, by the exits indicated. Do not use the lifts. Assemble in the car park. Then try and get some kip.

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Well... modesty forbids.


Geggs

Have you ever built your house in a town called Pissitaway?

Err...no. Nor am I likely to.

"Who put brown-owl eyes on the butterflies wings,
who gave the leopards spots and taught the birds to sing?"

Look Tim, its a party and the rules are: stay off politics and religion.