h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know, but I've got the feeling that I see less and less of it nowadays...

To me, when I meet a friend and stop to chat, it's natural to step aside so as not to block the pavement/isle/whatever

To me, it's natural to hold up the door long enough for the person behind me to catch it

To me, it's natural to wait *outside* the doors of the underground/commuter train until everyone getting off has stepped out

To me, it's natural to say 'Thank you!' if someone helps me with a suitcase/pram/whatever - even if I *would* have managed myself

Sometimes it seems it's thoughtlessness, and sometimes it seems people just don't care - is today's society becoming more and more egoistical?

I think some of the younger offenders simply aren't being taught that that is the way people behave (and I'm not dissing any parent on this site before you ask - I'm a youth development worker in an inner city area - I've seen some sights...)

Unfortunately it's not just 'the youth of today'. I've been on the receiving end of behaviour that ranges from thoughtless to downright rude, and all from adults from twenty-somethings to wrinklies.

"wrinklies." - that's where I see it and it seems to start when in their cars.

Actually "wrinklies" are the worst for it sometimes - and the biggest whingers when they get no respect! What happened to leading by example?

I remember hearing this complaint when I was a kid, 30-odd years ago. I think most people are tolerably polite most of the time, but when you come across somebody who's totally ignorant (of whatever age) you tend to remember it.

I agree that for the most part people are commonly polite, it is the exceptions that stand out in our minds. Rarely do we go back to the office after taking a lunch hour and tell our co-workers about the nice person who let you pull out onto the highway in front of them when the traffic was backed up. But we almost always tell them about the ing idiot that cut you off on the way back.

I think a lot has to do with the atmosphere as well. When you are in a crowded place amongst the hustle and bustle, I believe the overall mentality is "every man for himself", where as you are more likely to have someone hold that elevator door for you in a less hectic environment.

Perhaps it's not that common courtesy is dying as a whole, but that in some realms it is less relevant.

I think that trust has a lot to do with this, and I ultimately blame the media! I can here you say...

Back in the good ol' days (according to my gran) you could leave your doors open and let your kids play out etc., without fear. Nowadays - because of the media - we hear so many horror stories that we have lost any trust we had in our fellow man (or woman) and therefore we have adopted the "why should I do that for you" attitude. Whenever there is a story of an event such as a flood or explosion there is a phrase bandied about which is "Dunkirk spirit" where everybody suddenly rallies around and begins to help each other. It is now the exception to be polite and helpful and more the norm to think that the person sitting opposite you on the train is a potential rapist/murderer/paedophile/all round bad guy!! It can shock you sometimes when that person that you have already convicted for these crimes then offers to help you with your suitcase or pram.

Kids are ignorant of common courtesy because they have grown up in this culture, adults are more selfish and self obsessed (and I am going to blame Thatcher and her government here because I want to!) and therefore common courtesy has gone out of the window and "wrinklies" are scared to talk to anybody or let anybody help them because all they do is read the papers and watch the news and scare the poop out of themselves, therefore they let the youngsters get on with it and get away as fast as possible (letting doors swing back in your face on the way)

Just my theory anyway...

I think Lady In A Tree had it right.

Yeah I agree - I have many examples of people not accepting common courtesy because of distrust/fear....for instance, the old lady in London who wouldn't walk through the door my male friend was holding open for her coz she thought he was going to hurt her!

So how do we get back to the days where everyone was polite?
Stop reading newspapers?
Stop watching telly?
Hold on, isn't the net a kind of media?

*reaches for the off switch*

How can we stop the wrinkleys being so scared, and teach the young whipper snappers to show some respect?

I heard recently that in New York, since September 11th, the level of courtesy in the city is amazingly high. I hope it doesn't take something that devastating to make some more of us realise that life is too short to be rude. But it's also comforting to know some good came out of such a terrible event.

We could try and be a bit more skeptic about the media. Not believe them when they start to try and make you think everybody's a pedophile.

"To me, when I meet a friend and stop to chat, it's natural to step aside so as not to block the pavement/isle/whatever"

I hate that....

I was behind 2 people on a escalator. they stepped off the end of the ecsalator and stood still. they maked it imposable to move off the escalator. I asked if they were planing to get roots or move any time soon? they moved. (I do not think that personel would give them water)

why can people not get roots some where else? why always in front of a shop?

may be we shoud start: "do not get roots at door of a shop" movement!

sorry I hate blocking the pavement/isle...

Or entry to subway or pedestrians crossing, when you try to get off the road because the light turned red.

The 'stopping at the top/bottom of escalator' is horribly common. I think it's people who are terrified of the things, and are so relieved to be off them that they have to gather their (meagre) wits.

I think your level of annoyance in these situations is directly related to how fast you walk. I'm a fast walker (compared to most on the streets) so I tend to suffer more from random stoppages than someone who saunters along.

There are other things: In the London Underground, they tend to put line maps (the big signs showing which stations the train goes to) directly facing the bottom of stairs, which means that there is always a motly collection of tourists gathered around it trying to work out which platform to go to, thus blocking the entrance to the platform. Trouble is, if you remove these signs, it's even more confusing for them, as they have to check on each platform to see if it's the one they want.

I think Lady in a Tree hit it right on the head. People are becoming less trusting of each other and therefore assume the worst of everyone. I almost maced some poor man in front of a bookstore last week when he came running up behind me and grabbed my arm. It turns out I'd dropped my credit card on the way out, and he only wanted to return it to me. I felt terrible- most people would probably not have bothered.

I found it particularly annoying last summer, having recently returned to work after knee surgery, that every evening when I got on the subway, the car was filled with school children, occupying two or more seats each with their feet and their book bags, while I stood leaning on my crutches and trying desperately not to fall over. I still tend to offer my seat to anyone who appears to need it more than I do, whether they're older than myself or just carrying a heavier load than I am.

I mean some one who used the ecalator to go or down and I am still on the escalator.

psychocandy - can you not do what I do in this situation. which is say 'Excuse me' in a loud voice and go to sit on their legs/bag. Of course, if you're not as big as I am, that might not be quite as effective (or if the children are all armed - I've no idea what it's like where you live).

I find that people tend to put their bags next to them to try and intimidate people into not sitting next to them, banking on the fact that most commuters would rather knaw off an extremity than speak to a stranger. If you are direct and polite, most people will move their stuff.

"I mean some one who used the ecalator to go or down and I am still on the escalator."

Yes, pheloxi, that's exactly what I thought you meant, and it happens *all* *the* *time* on the Underground. I've not yet seen it cause an accident, but it's come quite close occasionally.

It's this basic thing of not realising that what you do has an effect on others. I sometimes think that apparently rude people actually have little or no imagination, and so can't see that walking through a shop doorway and immediately stopping to decide where to walk might have an impact on people trying to walk through the same door.

The flipside is when you try and be polite, by holding a door open, and a steady stream of people simply walk through and leave you holding the door. Until someone else actually takes over the task of holding the door, you can't let go without smacking someone in the face with the door. Such things can put off even the most chivalrous person.