h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Uhm... Excuse me, but... I -don't- live in the city. I don't even live near a decent-sized town, thankyouverymuch.

Hey, great! Always good to find another rural net user. Good thing those city folks don't know what they're missing, or it would get mighty crowded out here. But then, they're probably too busy trying to dig out from under the avalanche of dead birds to notice.

You may a have guessed from my name that I live in the country too...

Maybe all the birds go to special places to die - like elephants and their graveyards.

The fact of the matter is that there are plenty of dogs around that are more than happy to pick up many of those dead birds. They can then bring them back to torture their masters with the extreme gross-out. I was walking my Rottweiler one morning and chanced upon a recently deceased sparrow. Before I could get to it, my dog grabbed it and clenched down on it, the beak and tail feather sticking out of either side of her mouth. I didn't know whether to laugh or scream because it looked like twisted a scene from a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon. The dog was so (rightfully) paranoid of losing the bird to me that she was trying to swallow it whole. You ever notice how Rotties have really thick, hard skulls and don't seemed to mind having their noggins pounded upon? I did manage to get rid of the bird and dispose of it, eventually, by the way. Dogs, gotta love 'em anyway!!

I've always found that the tip of the nose is a more.. erm.. productive target.

Most of them are in my freezer.

... mwhuuuhahahah ...

No, seriously, my wife is a serious birder, there is some need for birds, or bird skins or something for classes. So there I am, looking for a frozen corn dog to nuke and ... JEEEEZZZ, GET THESE OUTTA HERE!!

I am not making this up.

*ick*

I know- I was once a volunteer at the RSPB in Scotland and there were Peregrines in the freezer (to see why they'd died) and bits of Swan and Barnacle Goose in the fridge (died of natural causes and in the process of being eaten by other volunteers). I'm a vegetarian myself...

Oh yes, I've heard that at Bardsey Island they regularly eat finch pie from birds that crash into the lighthouse... yes these are bird lovers, still waste not want not.

I have no problem with them being in freezers/fridges in labs, but at home I'd much rather see a gallon of milk and some bread, thankyouverymuch.

Amen.

It gets even worse - my wife volunteers at a nearby nature center where they deal with all kinds of critters. I was there at a party and went to get a beer, opened the wrong refrigerator - night of the living dead. I moved up to whiskey.

Please. -Don't- tell.

Don't worry, I don't have the vocabulary to describe it. I don't think Poe and Maupassant combined could do it justice. Even if you throw in Stephen King ...

If Poe and King together couldn't do it... then most definitely leave it to someone else's imagination.