h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I found I have got superpowers
that were gained through sneezing.
I began creating trees and flowers
even though the weather was freezing.

I gained these superpowers by blowing my nose
from coughing and from drinking coffee.
I also gained them by washing my clothes
and from eating chocolate covered toffee.

These superpowers were very contagious
as everyone in the Zero 5 club got them.
It was a great benefit and advantageous
as it gave them fantastic outcomes.

Then it became extremely virulent
as it was transmitted through MS Teams.
It ended all their torments
through their thoughts and dreams.

Members of the ANS Ambassadors
and the Care and Share group.
Could teleport and speedrun to the Azores
and fly to the stratosphere to do the loop the loop.

Everyone living in the Peabody flats
was infected by the superhuman virus.
Whenever they wore their hoods and hats
or saw trees, shrubs and a lone iris.

It also was transmuted on h2g2
and on Mark, Gavin's and Brian's YouTube channels.
Whenever they had a fondue or a new hair-do
or receiving a farewell or when they hear their door bell.

I love feeling grumpy
whenever I am jumpy.
I like having a moan
on the phone with Joan.
I love to whinge
about my hairstyle fringe.
I get moody
about wearing my hoodie.
I love to whine
about frankfurters soaked in brine.

I am lost in Outer Mongolia
in the Back of Beyond.
Everything is coloured in Magnolia
around the village duck pond.
It is in the Middle of Nowhere
out in the Sticks.
There is the Town Mayor who's a bear
who can do all sorts of magic tricks.

I am lost!
But I know where I am!
I'm here!
Ask me where is here! I can't answer!
If I move from here to there!
I still can't answer!
But wherever I am!
I'm still where I am!

I have lost myself
during a teamwork seminar
I was informed that it would improve my health
and by eating caviar at a restaurant bar.

I have now found myself
and discovered who I really am.
By reading books from the shelf
about the journey of Abram.

Life gets me higher
whenever I meet up with the country squire.
He is friends with the Franciscan Friar
and the Dominican Prior.

I can show you how to make a gateau
in my Scottish country chateau.
I can make it snow and make it glow
whenever it flows over the hills and meadow.

I can wake up the planet, our planet Earth.
Instructed by dear Janet, using her wit and mirth.
Join up with the warp drive set in the city of Perth
I try not to fret when being shown my berth.

Sun, is like a fire.
The sun inspires singers to join a choir.
It inspires gardeners to grow rose briar.
It inspires those from Devonshire to Ayrshire.

Carry on, don't be gone.
I promise not to eat another prawn.
I will welcome the fawn and the swan
to my garden lawn.

Bring me out of my sweet home.
Along with my garden gnome.
I have made a jewelled comb
and a library filled with tomes.

Got to know me and got to show me.
And I will know how to plant an oak tree.
living by a river or by the sea will make me carefree.
I will go to a tea shop where I will have afternoon tea.