h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This makes great reading guys...thanx for the amusement...and what has happened to PP&L?? He seems to be suffering from a reversal of some kind!!

There is a hot air hand-dryer in my local pub with the instructions:
"Pull out nob and rub hands briskly"!

NeverBob - Ah... the dangers of urinal cake poisoning. Check out "Things in urinal troughs". Can your elves not levitate then? I suggest you get them some training or you may be usurped by another machine tester.

Nah, I'm a government bureaucrat with tenure, who has been promoted to his level of incompetence. My job is safe. But if the elves don't get the job done, they will all be laid off and replaced with cheap third-world labor.

I knew the government would be behind this. Only they could produce and maintain these machines on such a scale when nobody actually uses them. And typically they use the faceless bureaucrats to do their dirty work for them (as well as the leves of course). The question that logically follows is why do they produce these machines? Is it a poor attempt to promote safe sex or is it something altogether more sinister?

.....sinister is the word!! Have you seen the SIZE of the luninous ones..it's enough to give any grown man an inferiority complex and bring tears to a young girls eyes

I'm not supposed to tell you this, but it is actually a giant (tax) money laundering scheme under the guise of public health. Additional funds are acquired because people put coins into these machines (which often do not work) and are much too embarrassed to ask the owner for their money back.

All of these proceeds are funneled into the development of solar-powered submarines, returning the dodo to its natural habitat through DNA manipulation and cloning, studying the effects of buxom blondes and booze on government bureaucrats in a Jacuzzi environment, and the continued study of how powdered non-dairy really works, as well as its possible wartime uses.

Creating mental insecurity among men was the idea of those in the mental health field, and just a side benefit.

Penquins wearing tuxedos unite

Dyslexics of the world UNTIE!

On the command UNTIE all the world's dyxlexics flash our intrepid cameraman NeverBob

Fortunately they were all facing the wrong direction.

Meanwhile back at the urinal....

Never Bob ans L&PP were making a big splash......

A true story

Police are picking that a reformed vegetarian could be behind a
curious carrot caper in Taihape, New Zealand.

A distressed cleaner telephoned police yesterday to report
finding a mountain of carrots in Taihape's public toilets. The
carrots filled the cubicles and urinal in the men's block.

"We are not talking about a few bags of carrots. We are talking
about a truckload," Inspector Brent Craig of the police
communications centre said.

"Police are looking for a vegetarian with a strong dislike of
carrots."

Sounds to me like they should be looking for a carnivore with a strong dislike of Freud...

They probably were not carrots at all. More likely to be the aforementioned sanitory blocks cunningly disguised as carrots. Not difficult to make and probably easier than those that look like onion rings.

For some reason this discussion ended a year ago when I did not reply on the question "Why Ed Harris?". The implications of this has kept me busy for quite some time now, but I think that I found the answer. But I warn you - the answer is frightening. Ed Harris seems to be deeply involved in the ongoing SETI-Home project. He has lost his phonenumber and is desperately trying to get in touch with the remains of the civilisation from which he originated. Among the curoius taboos in this civilisation is any mentioning of bodily fluids. So Ed HArris himself, afraid that they won´t pick up the phone once he locates his friends, is trying to stop all talk of urinal etiqúette. It´s strange, but true.

One further fact. The cleaning of the urinals in Shippol has been taken over by "EH - Intergalactic Cleaning" and the little pictures of Ed Harris in the urinals has been replaced by little bug-images - a coincidence - I think not

How is it that everyone on here seems to get wet when using a urinal?

That's never happened to me, save for the occiasional post-urination leakage. (Shaking it never seems to stop that...)

Goodness me!

This is a blast from the past!

shazz