h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A Question about Suicide?

A friend (& I can imagine the amount of folk who are going to substitute “you” for a friend - wrong!) talked of suicide & the majority of their friends felt that they really didn't want to go through with it, but we’ve recently been proved wrong. The person who did the talking was not really taken seriously by their friends, to the major regret of all involved.

Have you any advice for someone who feels their friend is in danger of suicide? I totally realise this is a sore subject for some, but advice would be so welcome. I missed the signs of giving things away (where the fLIck was my head?). If that's not a cardinal sign, what is?

Is this really an alternatative? Some generally feel that people who talk openly about suicide, will actually do it, some won't.

My friend was majorly let down by their so-called friends, & I’m ashamed to put myself in that category.

Hope you can provide some practical, do-able advice. Cheers

a lot of people see suicide as an answer to their short term problems

"if i do it, all my present problems will go away"

i know it sounds illogical, yet suicide is an illogical thing

what you need to do with anyone you suspect might be suicidal is to point out the suicide is a long term problem

ask them questions like

"do you want to be dead forever????!"

point out the support networks they have and encourage them to talk

samaritains, friends, church, councillors, family, medical proffesionals, dr. etc.

<>

talking about suicide does generally not encourage suicide

suicide encourages suicide

if a vulnerable person knows of a suicide that sucseded they will be more encouraged to try, a case of, they did it so why can't i,

when one of ours gets away with it, we see a spate of copy cats because they are encouraged by the success of the first and we have to be extra vigilant in those times

I've benn comtemplating suicide, however marginly, for as long as I can remember. for some its a constatn state of mind, far less a for one monent or so a state of begn. your friend, though, needs help, right now, so probably follow the previous comments regarding that, as goes asmaratarians, etc., which others other can me can spel right. personally I'm with your suicidal friends. its all a waste of time afterall.

2 legs, I'm sorry I posted this, as it seems to have brought out your negative side. If you have been contemplating suicide for as long as you have known, please think about contacting the Samaritans, or other organisations involved in Hard councilling.

You say you have been contemplating suicide for a while. Yes, my friend needs help, but by the sound of it - so do you. Why do you deserve any less attention than my friend? - the answer is - you don't.

It's not a waste of time after all - there is too much beauty in the world to be seen & appreciated - even if it is only sunrise in a city. The pinks & purples cannot be replicatd.

2legs - I sincereley apologise for bringing this subject up - but you essentially seems to he one of the most vibrant characteres on here. Do you really feel it's all a waste of time?

one thing that sould be addressed more publicly is

suicide, getting it right first time.

for those who wish to commit suicide, they should consider the best methods, the way to minimise the impact on others and the legal implications of their actions.

the more they comsider the implications of their actions, the more likely they are, not, to go through with it

1. how are you going to do it???, method, pros/cons speed, pain, survival chances, change of mind,

2. who is going to find you and what state will you be in, what effect will this have on them???

3. if you commit suicide the insurance will not pay out, your family will probably end up footing the bill for the disposal of you remains as well, if they don't find a body they have to wait 7 years before declairing you dead

suicide is a selfish act, lets make it a considerate act and the more people who consider it in depth are more likely to reject it as a solution


this will probably be yikesed, no one realy has the bottle to talk about these things in the open

"suicide encourages suicide" Taff

Unfortunateley, you're right. Suicide indeed seems to have peaks & troughs, corresponding to reported in the news suicides.

My own personal take on suicide is;

There should be no sociatal judgement
There should be no religous judgement
There should be no moral judgement.

Unfortunately, this is in a perfect world, which we all know is essentially a piece of shit.

Basically, you take your own life at your own risk (risk = belief).

For my friend, I really wish I could speak for her. For me, basically, life & it's regimes are the most amazing piece of shit.

2legs - I'm essentially with you.

a lot of suicides are also mistakes

a cry for help or atention that goes wrong

the usual senario we are given is, a hanger

Mr.X checks on me at around this time every day, so i wait for him and jump at the last second and he will save me

here he comes, and, JU..whats that alarm and why are there sounds of people running off..MP!!!!! oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,

It's really hard to judge whether or not people will actually commit suicide. At the end of the day, if you know someone who is forever attention seeking, self-harming publicly or having drama queen hissy fits and threatening constantly to commit suicide, you as a friend can only enable that for so long before you have to hand them all the tools you can find to help them to help themselves then take a step back and let what will be, be. For your own sanity as much as anyone else's!

On the other hand, if you have a friend who seems a bit down but nothing major and never really talks about it but one day turns up dead by their own hand, you cant possibly read their mind and just *know*.

Of course there's all the grey areas in the middle as well, but I think the main thing to remember in the aftermath is that you cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved, and you cant help someone who wants to rely on others rather than get help to save themselves. All you can be is supportive and listen. Dont beat yourself up, and if it becomes something you really want to learn more about, I believe that samaritans are always looking for volunteers? Do they still do training?

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You can't always tell how someone is feeling, some can hide it very well. When my insomnia gets particularly bad I can go for days feeling like a complete automaton, yet the people in my office either don't notice that I'm not my usual self, or can't be bothered to comment. They all have their own lives and problems, so it's understandable that the don't notice. I manage to function somehow.

I have many dark periods where things just seem to pile up- undervalued at work, relationship problems, money worries, even the drive to work can become a huge issue- and I must admit that suicide regularly becomes a very real option. It's not something that I feel I can talk to with anyone either at work or home, this is possibly the first time I've actually thought about it or written it down. At the end of the day, it's probably only my cowardice that stops me from actually doing anything about it. I think in this day and age I'm not a unique case, we all live under so much pressure it's inevitable for many people to feel that there could be a way out of it all.

I'm sorry to hear that Monkey. And I think you're right, you're certainly not alone.

I've put a lot of effort into making sure I'm happy with my life. When things make me unhappy, I have to figure out whether I can live with it or not and if I cant, it's something I change. It takes sacrifice but you cant please all the people all the time and I dont even try any more. I try to please people naturally, but knowing when to draw the line is important. I think if something's making you seriously unhappy so that it's hard to understand why you're still doing it, then you're harming yourself for the sake of others. I cant make that add up, myself.

I guess the earlier you start the easier it is though. I dig myself out of the snow before it drifts and becomes a big job.

I hope for everyone that regularly considers that maybe it would be nice to commit suicide, in the way I sometimes think it would be nice to get away for the weekend or quit my job and follow my dreams, that you find reasons to live and ways to be happy. X

Thank you.

I can only speak for myself, but when I get to the point where I think about possibly doing away with myself, everything else just doesn't matter anymore. I don't give much thought to how other people might feel. It's a completely selfish period in my life. I feel very insular and cut off from the outside world- whether that is due to the insomnia or the feeling of complete and utter worthlessness I couldn't say.

Luckily, so far I've never got any further than thinking about it. It's a nice idea to change things in your life in order to change how your life is panning out, and very good advise. I do try to be positive, and for the most part I think I succeed. But there are things that I can't control, external problems, if you will, and sometimes all I see is darkness.

I'm lucky, I dont get stuck in the dark. I know plenty who do. I have experienced it but never for long.

From what people have told me, a casual and regular consideration of *simply not being here* however that may occur seems quite common.

To contemplate and consider suicide seriously (even if you never get as far as actual planning and action) is really quite serious and not how you have to live. From what I know of these things, that's depression and you really can get help with it, you dont have to feel like that. It's what doctors are for.

Would you prefer to live with that weight lifted from your shoulders? If you quite fancy the idea, see your doctor. Or a different doctor if you like. Talk to them about it.

Unfortunately mental healthcare's not great in this country, but that doesn't mean you have to struggle with it on your own and just get by. But until you tell someone how you feel, they probably wont know. Some people are introverted, others aren't and we all have good and bad days. That's why people wont necessarily notice. Plus, people can be quite sensitive when they are low. People are scared to upset each other over personal things, especially when it's an acquaintance, not family or close friends. A little like addiction or any illness that requires mental strength to accept in yourself, lots of forms of depression by their nature are isolating and denial/dismissal is really common.

You're important enough to ask for help. Life can be colourful. X

I have to thank all those who have contributed to this sore subject so far, it's been most instructive? - is that the right word?

Taff,
"...suicide is a selfish act, lets make it a considerate act and the more people who consider it in depth are more likely to reject it as a solution"

I don't feel this is the case. If you are hell bent on ending it, then how the act is considered does not compute - you are already dead.


"this will probably be yikesed, no one realy has the bottle to talk about these things in the open"

Thank you and the others who have taken the time & consideration to reply here. And yes, a lot of affected people do not 'have the bottle' to address this - which effectively renders this topic verboten, much as I hate to say that.


Robyn,
my friend was always a "stoic" type, so a profound change in mood was a hard thing to judge. It was as if they could 'turn it on' when they needed to, almost in order to deflect concern.

I thank you for your honesty. A smilie feels wrong here, but I'd give you one anyway.


MonkeyS,
Your honesty is refreshing & revealing. Would you have the courage to say all that to your nearest (or someone who can medically help?) I really hope so, I do. As Robyn said, you are so not alone, although you may ultimately think so. You are not. There is help out there, surprisingly, a GP can be a great source of help & support.

It may seem as if it's a completely selfish period in your life, and as such, suicide has only a concentration on the self, but for most in that state of mind, you may feel that your absence will be an advantage to others. However, most of that is BS., however hard that is to admit. And often, your value to others is one of the hardest things to contemplate honestly, as you may feel totally worthless in yourself.

To paraphrase Robin, there is far too much beauty out there to miss out on.Sorry for the probably frivolous smilie, but it is truely meant.

All the best,

anne

I guess the difficulty can be, or is, that there is certainly for a lot of people quite a differnce between 'thinking about suicide', 'planning suicide', and actually doing it. I guess some people can move quicker through these and of course that depends a lot on the persons mental state, and mental outlook... If that kinda makes sense

The crux of the problem, I think, there is no 'model' for someone who could be suicidal.

I used to work with a lad, always smiling, always up for a night out, never appeared to be down, eternal optomist. He went to work at a pub as a chef, he knew his stuff and it all seemed to be going well for him.

One day, he walked out under a train. Those of us who thought we knew him were devastated. Apparently, the pub was losing money and he was under a lot of pressure, yet he never spoke of it to anyone. Up until he died he was the same cheerful guy. Even his immediate family were unaware of what he was going through.

I also know someone who is the most miserablest person (yes, even more so than me!), morose and pessimistic all the time. Yet I doubt he would ever even contemplate suicide.

You can be the best friend you possibly can to everyone- at the end of the day, if someone decides to take their own life there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. Don't spend the rest of your life trying to work out what went wrong.

Exactly... The choice to actually* comitt suicide, as opposed to 'thinkgin about suicide' is a choice ultimately taken by the person for whatever 'logic' they've used to make that choice, it is still their choice, and if they're actually going to go ahead with it, there really isn't much anyone can do to change their mind: Sure you might stop them for a period, but unless whatever it is that has taken them to that choice changes, then they're I guess unlikely to come to a differnt conclusion from that which they already have, however flawed a choice it might appear to any other onlookers onto the situation..