h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've got one of those "SmartPhones" - all screen and almost no buttons.

I picked it up recently, pressed the power on button, and as it booted up, I saw the stylised word "ClOtCUD" appear on the screen...

It took me a moment or two to realise I was holding the phone upside down, and it actually said "ANDROID", the name of the phone's operating system...

Ooh, Clotcud sounds like some horrid disease that might affect a poor cows udders.

"My herd's got a bad case of clotcud, vet thinks I'll have to put 'em down"

Ooh, which android phone?

Wow, it does too, I don't have an android phone, had to use my pooter to do it and flip the screen 180, really hard to use like that

It's a T Mobile Pulse. Not the greatest phone, but it gets me on H2G2 from the tearoom!

Isn't that an oxymoron for the modern age?? Sitting in a tearoom, using a smartphone!

Victoriana meets the Brave New World!!

Even better of course, if your not* eating a te cake and drinking tea, but rather eating a muffin (American cake thing not an English Toasted muffin), and drinking coffee, in a tea room...

Clotcud? You must be thinking of Sebastian Clotcud the inventor of the Clotcud method, circa 1700.... What a man...

I don't know which is more sad -

Me starting this thread, or me Googling the Clotcud Method. I only noticed that was a 2Legs post afterwards...

"You know when you've been 2legs'ed"
Gottcha!

POTW

Misreading the screen reminds me of the "Mobile Phone Spelling Syndrome".
This is the 'predictive text' thingy. On the Nokia I used to have, if you typed in 'mum' - surely a very common word on a mobile - it predicted it as 'nun' - surely one of the most UNcommon words - except between mother superiors and monks

Now, my Motorola predicts whichever of 'home' and good' I DON'T want at that particular time. And it prefers 'ho' to 'in', and whatevr makes sense of 'no' and 'on', it uses the opposite.

How do they manage to get everything so very wrong.

A friend of mine once sent a text to a work colegue asking her if she wanted to go for a meal. At least, that was his plan. It turned out that predictive text meant that he was asking her out for a neck. Which is not what he had in mind at the time, he said.


Geggs

I suppose a side-order of garlic bread was completely out of the question?

Neck isn't too bad at all done in a kind of not too overly strong garlic butter sauce...

I sent a text to my wife, who was waiting at the station saying 'I'm not leaving to pick you up' instead of 'I'm now leaving to pick you up'

Luckily, she's more understanding than most!

I once sent out a company letter which finished with the sentence:

"Should you require further clarification please do not contact us"

I had omitted the word 'hesitate' ...

The recipient was the Inland Revenue

I like that one, lil.

More details? Don't ask us!

Predictive text can cause all sorts of problems... especially the "Good"/"Home" confusion. The Missus once texted me when I'd been in town, asking where I was.
"I'm coming good now!" was the reply she got!