h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Due to the recently popular craze of posting more silly pointless games and generally boring nonsense to Ask, I thought, what the hell, I'll add to the suffering, so...If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a barrel of grapes?
And while were at it, what do you do with the mortar when building a dry-stone dyke?

"If it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples are in a barrel of grapes?"

About as many as the number of clams in a bucket of bolts!

6 apples of course. As grapes postulate expounded the nature of extertential grape barrels with men walking was not impercially linked to the hill on the side of the scopeaslide.

Right what you said.

I mean I knew it was 6 but I couldn't put it quite as elegantly as yourself.

How annoying: A Gnome just tapped on my window and held up a piece of paper with a rude word on it.... I mean they relaly should be a law against tha tkind of thing, its like the ohter day, I was just walking down the road minding my own bisuness, when this lampost sidles up to me and kinda gets me in the corner of a shop front, and begins trying to get money out of me... I mean, why can't the council house them? I mean, all these lamposts just wondering about terorising normal citizens, badgers and young children, its not right... is it/?

No it's not I had a similar issue with a degenerate fire hydrant that wanted my last stick of chewing gum. Horrible little red bastard.

Yeh, know what you mean, its like those dustbins they have in public places tha tjust hastle you when its laste at night and there isn't many people about...

The answer is slightly more complicated than six, it's like when your parked diagonally in a parallel universe. It could be four wheelie bins and an orange
The mortar thing I have noticed is being avoided and rightly so as it's a much more difficult question....

Ahh you noticed we were ignoring that I was hoping you wouldn't notice but now I've notice dyou've noticed then I've noticed that the pretence we wer ein has been shattered like a snowplough.

How unfortunate is that? The chances of meeting Ned the lamppost during daytime hours are virtually nil.
You have my sympathy there.

Yeh, tell me about it hang on my floor has just gone Bluddy theifs

If your stranded in a canoe in the middle of the ocean and all four wheels fall off, then how many pancakes does it take to hold up a dog house?

After a great deal of thought, I reckon at least two!
One pancake to drive the getaway dinghy, and one armed pancake, who will take the first pup he sees as a hostage, and then demand a heavy ransom.
No, seriously, six, maybe seven under each corner,depending on the filling.

Well the games are not pointless they are fun get a life and a sence of humour.

The Mortar question is dead simple. It is used to fire at the wall, when it is realised that there is no space for a fence. Simple really!!!

There once was a man from Dundee
Who was kicked in the leg by a horse
When asked if it hurt
He said "Yes, it did.
But it can do it again if it takes its shoe off."

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I think that the mortar is used in case a rival dry-stone dyke building company shows up and tries to steal your mortar. If you didn't have any mortar for them to steal, then what would be the point of the rival dry-stone dyke company?

I was always told that Mortar got bored. The prefects at my school werte always going on about our teachers intheir gowns and the boed mortars. Never could understand it.

Still, I did once learn a poem...
Not from School but my Grandfather...

As I went down to the Stalway Ration,
I met a Bog and it darked at me,
So I picked a street up out of the stone,
and nearly necked its knock out