h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: More Than One Way to Stretch a Cat - A54345044
Author: Danny B. [Musicians' Guild (U150368); Science EXplained (A4108330); Curator; Scavenger] - U182633

So it's the Stretcher final, then. Gosh.

I figure I'm never going to beat Dmitri on thought-provoking profundity, or Tibley on sheer poetry, so I've gone for cheap laughs, cute animals and the sympathy vote. Go me...

You've confirmed why I'll never have cats - not even one cat.

You don't know what you're missing!

Oh yes, I do. If they weren't quite so hairy, it wouldn't be so bad, though.

Yes, the hairs take a bit of getting used to. And they do get *everywhere*

OK then - this one does get points for cheap laughs

This gets points for recognition.

I've got two cats. I recognise that affection coupled with exasperation.

I would add: A policeman to keep the larger cat from intimidating the little dog when nobody is home...he menaces the poor harmless thing...just because Clancy outweighs a Shih Tzu.

Very funny I can't imagine what the invention would look like that could carry out all those cat services without mangling the poor little moggies. But if you could make such a machine, that wouldn't damage the client, I bet cat lovers would be falling over each other to get one.

I once had a cat (a kitten actually) for 15 or 20 minutes. A neighbour's cat had about a dozen that he was desperate to home, so he handed them over to every passing child until they were all gone. My mother insisted I take it back immediately. I was heart broken, but she'd had a cat before and obviously knew it would be death to the furniture and endless work. If we could've had one of these "athingtolookaftermytwocats" thingies, she might have let me keep the sweet little puss

This is funny and true to life. The footnotes are an essential part of the fun!

I would love to know what this machine thingy would look like. I can't visualise it.

Calling the resident cartoonists....what else are you guys good for?

Yes please..!

Reminded me of this: http://easycareinc.typepad.com/boot_camp/images/2008/08/14/horse_made_by_osha0001_2.jpg

(OSHA = Occupational Safety and Health Administration. Someone once hung that cartoon in our tack room...)

Wot? No poetry?

I have a 23 year old cat. Could I have my cat-sitter modified to keep the dog out of the cat litter ?

I considered writing the 'Slimy Valentine'-inspired section in rhyme, but I decided against it. Wisely, in my humble opinion

The thing could look like a scratching post when at rest, because that is the one thing cats think they can safely ignore, but be able to unfold eye-stalks, arms, legs, can-opener, scooper, rod-with-dangling-feather and so forth when needed.

Perfect! I'll expect the preliminary designs on my desk in the morning, please

How is it cats always seem to get their own way?