h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What do you mean, you don't know what it is.

Yes, OK, so I'm daft.

I chatted with a friend on IM today, about shopping, among other things. One of the items bought was napkinsand. Now apart from the fact that we all make typos, this IM has a tendency to 'swallow' letters, spaces and such - which I know. However, I really thought this was a very sophisticated item, and instead of thinking first and posting later, I immediately asked:

'What is napkinsand?'

I now know how the smiley came into being.

Am I the only one to misread words? It's not just in English (although chances are bigger), but it happens in German, too.

Any funny examples, anyone?

My father had a good one.

Superkings are a brand of cigarette that are a bit longer than most ones. We were going past a shop with a sign up advertising them, when he turned to me and said "Oh, somebody new must have bought that shop. There's a sign up that says S. Perkins..."

I had one in an exam once. I meant to write something about monks and I think I actually wrote monkeys. I caught it on my check-through at the end though.

Capuchins I presume.

It's comforting to see it happens to others, too.

Elentari, are you sure yours wasn't a Freudian slip?

I know it has happened to me but I can't hink of any funny examples off the top of my head.

Though if we want to discuss funny typos, I once sent an email to the entire HR department about their sex files, when what I was sending them were six files.

Or the co-worker who sent the entire office an email apologizing for the "incontinence".

Thanks for sharing.

I say stupid things, too. The first time I met the former president of our company (he's since retired and is now president emeritus) was in the elevator. He was reading the overhead screen with the little new bytes on it, and there was something about SARS. He asked me if I was worried about SARS, and I said no, I don't eat birds so it's not a particular concern. Then he asked me "what about your cat". My response was "I'm not likely to eat the cat, either".

I guess that wasn't what he meant.

I bet he never realised you meant what you said and thought it was a very witty reply from you.

Sand made out of napkins? I use that every day.

*mumbles something about TC's boss making a demonstration of how to shower*

TC's boss showers with sand?

But it's itching

PC, your one reminds me of one of the daftest things a shop assistant has ever said to me.

Me: "Do you have any Bird's custard?" [it's a brand]

Him: "No - they've stopped importing it because of the avian flu..."

He wasn't even joking.

Take the napkin to rub it off.

What did you say then, KB?

I'm not sure. I was pretty much stumped!

That's funny!

I once said something perfectly innocuous to a salesperson at a housewares shop, and got exactly the sort of response *I* would have given had I been asked the same thing... but I'm not sure everyone will appreciate it. And it's PG-13.

I was browsing the knife aisle, and after several minutes I was approached by a swish young salesman, who asked if he could help me find anything. "Yes", I said, "I'd really like a nine-inch boner". he batted his eyelashes and said "honey, so would I".

*Waits for Sho to say that her has one*.

off the top of my head i can only remember being stumped by the line in the beatles' famous song 'lucy in the sky with diamonds':

the girl with collitis goes by...