h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ME! ME! yes please!

hi Nitina,

I hear ya. I moved from Canada to England and then from England to Spain - and of course had to build up my 'friend base' from scratch each time.

The best advice for people who are shy about meeting new people is this - it's very simple. Instead of feeling shy and that maybe you have nothing to say, start asking other people about them and their interests. It not only breaks the ice but it also makes you look like an interested and interesting person.

az

there u go (sorry no advice just hugs)

Hi Az,

thanks, very much for replying. Well, about that lesbian part... some people in the world just can't handle that, so I normally tell it the way it is right from the start, because you won't get awkward situations later on. Thanks for welcoming me on H2G2, I guess I will like it here, after I have sorted out how this all works...

Thanks for being so kind to me! I can be really insecure about myself sometimes and I guess that will show a bit in my messages! And yes please, tell me about your boring life with your cats!

Bye, Angelasgf (Jacqueline)

Posting 6 could have been written by me!

I am also a 'one to one' person. When in a group i usually don't feel like i've talked properly to anyone- the whole evening just tends to be filled up with part conversations- nothing very deep or interesting.

When you're in a group you can't get too intense with one person because it exludes others, so you end up with the lowest common denomenator of conversation. Something all members can talk about, but nothing anyone is *really* intersted in= dull!

If i was to go several weeks where i only ever met friends in groups i would go mad! I need time alone with my friends, definately.

hi Angela,

Well, although I can see where you might sometimes have had a few difficulties with very narrow-minded people not being able to accept your sexual preference, I don't think this applies to most people here on h2g2.

I'm a hettie myself, but of course have many gay men and lesbian women as friends in my life. To be honest, a person's sexual preference is not really interesting to me - meaning that I don't think of this before thinking of them as a person. Otherwise this puts sex in front of other things going on in one's life. And I just think that people don't actually spend so much time having sex together as they do relating, going out together, having meals, having fun, sharing conversations . . . all that stuff. So, for me, whatever two consenting adults get up to in their bedrooms has nothing to do with me. It's the other parts of them I am mostly interested in. As long as they are interesting!

az

I remember when I was about 15 years old, my mother told I had to meet more people. My friend Arun and I have been good friends since I was a child. Up until highschool I never really hung out with anyone else. I was stunned then when my mom told me that I couldn't hang out with Arun till I made more friends. Having one close friend from each phase of my life has always been my style.
All I ever truly need is one person to talk too. There are many people I could call up on the phone, but it always superficial conversation. I always seem to have bad timing in situations like these. These aquaintences are all exceptional people, it just our minds don't "click" enough for me to be willing to open up to them on a deeper level.
I find that I need someone that I can talk to everday. Just one person willing to listen, even to the mundane. Sometimes that person comes in the form of a lover, sometimes they are just friends.
I recently found myself starting a new phase in my life. I lost a lover, whom I would call everyday when we were dating. Now we are trying to be friends and I can feel the interest dwindling on both sides. It's a shame that we can't relate like we used to, but life moves on. It's time to meet someone new.

Hi Shaggenstein,

I like having more people to talk to, but everyone in a different kind of way. I had never had one person that I could talk to about anything, other than my partner, but I like it to be able to talk to a friend about anything, someone outside of my relationship. I thought I had that person, but now it seems I don't anymore. I have always had the idea that other people had best friends, but I only have normal friends, not best friends. Somehow, it doesn't work for me. The person I thought was my best friend clearly isn't anymore. So I am left with a lot of friends, but that's stil different. I just don't know anymore. Sometime I think I should stop whining... then again, I just feel sad and betrayed right now. Luckily the only stable factor is my gf and my relationship. But I feel that friends can still hurt me. Especially when you have opened your heart to someone and they just stop being best friends...

Good Friends are Great! You can argue and fall out then forgive each other
It is great to have somone who really understands you and are always there when you need them

I didn't realise how many friends I had until I had a trauma and they all came out of the woodwork to help.

I never used to think I had a lot of confidence but other people don't see me as shy so we must think too much and try too hard sometimes.

Big Hug
Haz

Yes, good friends are wonderful and rare. I have two 'best friends'. Unfortunately one lives in Canada and the other in England (I live in Spain) so we cannot talk all the time. But we email and stay in touch. And I know that they will always 'be there' for me and that I can tell them anything.

But I also believe that having many other friends, on different levels, is kind of the spice of life. I mean, there are times when just having pleasant superficial chat is totally fine. Also, I have found that when I have had some minor crises here these friends did rally round and help me out.

I'm not in a relationship now, but during my last one I still made sure to keep up my other friendships. I've seen too many people let their other friends go when they get seriously involved with a partner and I don't think this is a good thing because one person, no matter how special, cannot be 'everything'. I know I would not want to be someone else's 'everything' and I think this can put a lot of pressure on a relationship.

Also, have met some very wonderful friends here on hootoo.

az

Interestingly enough I have a 50 50 ability to make friends. Because I am unwilling to change my personality people find me like marmite, they either are the best friends I could ever hope for or they hate me. The only people who don't fall into that category are the ones I don't know too well.

Anybody ever gotten that reaction from people?

David

I know exactly what you mean - I get the same.

I'm not too good at meeting people in the first place, but when I do get introduced to a new person, they either seem to really like me or really dislike me.

I think it's partly due to the fact that if I think someone is talking complete b******s, I'll tell them. Some people appreciate that (as I appreciate when someone tells me if they think I'm talking c**p), some can't stand it when you point out their b******t. By 'talking b******s', I don't mean 'expressing an opinion'. O.k, if I disagree with someone's opinion, I will argue my opinion, but I don't make out that they're any less of a person for their opinion. I mean when somebody really is talking complete rubbish- i.e, mouthing off loudly about how many people they've slept with, or how good they are at such and such. Some people do this as a nervous reaction to being with people they don't know, and appreciate it if you tell them to shut up (I'm one of them), but others really do think they're the bee's b******s (or the dog's knees ) and don't hold back from telling you, and they're the type that usually dislike me.

Half the people I've met would describe me as the nicest guy in the world, the other half would say the exact opposite. I say everyone;s entitled to their opinion

TK

PS, I really don't know where that waffle came from, please don't take anything from it- I guess I'm just bored.

Its not making friends I find hard but keeping the friendship going. A lot has to do with the fact I have moved around quite a bit, the longest I've stayed in one city/town has been 2.5 years.

"I find it very difficult to make friends. I have a wide circle of good friends, but none of them are what I would term 'close'."

I have the same problem, but, since you've made a point of it here, I doubtr you're the type of person who'd want to deal with it the way I do.

Sometimes making friends or even keeping friends can be hard work for everyone! An old friend from college e-mailed me about 4 weeks ago and asked me to e-mail her back and hope we could keep in touch. It was really good to hear from her again so I e-mailed her straight back and she still hasn't replied. Also, I spoke to an old friend from my old work about 4 weeks ago and she asked for my e-mail so we could e-mail each other so we swapped e-mails and I sent her an e-mail straight away and she hasn't replied either. I know that they probably just don't have e-mail at home and only check it every once in a while but it still makes me feel paranoid!

I have different groups of friends but none of them I would call really close although some are closer than others. As I've always said, it's the quality of the friends you have, not the quantity.