h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Our eighteen chief weapons in a convenient list are:

*A pair of moccasins,
*A contrasting pair of pair of Ugg boots
*A FannyPak with two rolls of toilet paper in it
*A small purple spike
*A horse
*A pony which insists on following the horse around for some unknowable reason
*A saddle which is blieved not to exist, though no-one has yet been able to offer any proff that it does not not not exist
*A cool blimp
*A collectible purple non-functioning monkey wrench
*A set of entirely useless keys that do not open anything
*A pad of the bright green sticky notes that litter Shagrath's house
*A poster of Cat's show, Whitehorse Showtime
*A shameless plug
*The entire population of Nova Scotia
*A dead parrot, most definitely not pining for anything in any way, bereft of life, an ex-parrot.
*An empty packet of Smarties
*An irrelevant and unused Java source code document
*A stepped-on, broken letter opener shaped thingy
*And Fear

wait a minute....

Coren: Our nineteen weapons are as follows:

*A pair of moccasins,
*A contrasting pair of pair of Ugg boots
*A FannyPak with two rolls of toilet paper in it
*A small purple spike
*A horse
*A pony which insists on following the horse around for some unknowable reason
*A saddle which is blieved not to exist, though no-one has yet been able to offer any proff that it does not not not exist
*A cool blimp
*A collectible purple non-functioning monkey wrench
*A set of entirely useless keys that do not open anything
*A pad of the bright green sticky notes that litter Shagrath's house
*A poster of Cat's show, Whitehorse Showtime
*A shameless plug
*The entire population of Nova Scotia
*A dead parrot, most definitely not pining for anything in any way, bereft of life, an ex-parrot.
*An empty packet of Smarties
*An irrelevant and unused Java source code document
*A stepped-on, broken letter opener shaped thingy
*Fear
*Me (Coren)

Wait... That's twenty, isn't it?

Our 20 main weapons are:

*A pair of moccasins,
*A contrasting pair of pair of Ugg boots
*A FannyPak with two rolls of toilet paper in it
*A small purple spike
*A horse
*A pony which insists on following the horse around for some unknowable reason
*A saddle which is blieved not to exist, though no-one has yet been able to offer any proff that it does not not not exist
*A cool blimp
*A collectible purple non-functioning monkey wrench
*A set of entirely useless keys that do not open anything
*A pad of the bright green sticky notes that litter Shagrath's house
*A poster of Cat's show, Whitehorse Showtime
*A shameless plug
*The entire population of Nova Scotia
*A dead parrot, most definitely not pining for anything in any way, bereft of life, an ex-parrot.
*An empty packet of Smarties
*An irrelevant and unused Java source code document
*A stepped-on, broken letter opener shaped thingy
*Fear
*Me (Coren)
*a very old piece of Edam cheese

Wait a second....

*waits a minute*

Well, it seems quite obvious that we have in fact TWENTY ONE weapons! Oh yes, ohhhh yes my dear inquisitees! *evil laugh* Twenty one weapons, half of 42 - cower from the might of the Spanish Inquisition, for we will not hesitate to use our mocassins, Ugg boots, FannyPak containing two rolls of toilet paper, small purple spike, horse, pony () that keeps walking after it like it's got nothing better to do, a saddle of very questionable existance, a real blimp (as seen on TV), a collectible non-functioning monkey wrench that is also purple, a set of keys that can't open anything that we've tried to open with them and are therefore of no use to us, as is the pad of green sticky notes from Shagrath's house, a poster of the show that Cat is in over in Melbourne, a shameless plug, the entire population of Nova Scotia (oot and aboot, eh?), a parrot that is quite definitely dead, demised, gone to meet its maker, joined the heavenly choir etc etc, an empty packet of Smarties, something that has to do with computers, a broken letter opener, FEAR, an elf named Coren, and a very old piece of Edam cheese (goodness, I thought it was roquefort at first!), as well as an unwillingnesss to put all of the above into an orderly list because lists just aren't as fun.

*counts* TWENTY TWO! Yes, that's what I meant, twenty two!

Alright, let's start this over one more time...

There are in fact twenty two weapons of mass destrcution that are chief to us. They are a pair of attracive moccasins (whatever those are), an ugly pair of Ugg boots (whatever Ugg is), a FannyPak (Americans!) what has 1+1 rolls of toilet paper in it, a small spike which just so happens to be purple, a horse, a pony which stalks it, a saddle which might exist but probably doesn't, a blimp, a purple collectible non-functioning and hence useless monkey wrench (whatever a monkey wrench is), a set of keys which are even more useless in that they have been made specifically not to be able to open any doors, Shagrath's pad of green sticky (post-it?) notes, a poster of a show in Australia, a shameless plug, the entire population of Nova Scotia (eh eh eh eh), a parrot that is dead, gone, passed away, ceased to be, an ex-parrot, a packet that once contained smarties but now only contains air, a broken java script,a borkener letter opener, fear, Coren, a very old piece of Edam cheese (whatever Edam is), an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list as lists simply aren't as fun, and rather a lot of spam. Oh, ghoh!

Garrett: I see... This game looks fun. You have twenty-three chief weapons, actually twenty-four: a pair of moccasins, a pair of Ugg boots, a FannyPak with an indeterminate number of rolls of toilet in it, a small purple spike (caltrops, anyone?), a horse, stalked by a pony, a saddle the existence of which you are not sure about, a blimp, a purple, non-functional, collectable, useless monkey wrench, a set of useless keys easily replaced by my rather fine set of lockpicks, not that anyone can have them, Shagrath's presumably unwanted pad of bright-green sticky notes, a poster of a show in Australia, a shameless plug, the entire population of Nova Scotia, presumably migrated, a dead, gone, passed away, ceased to be, and ex-parrot, rather over-adjectivized, a Smarties packet with no Smarties, a useless piece of code, a broken letter opener, fear, Coren (quite an effective weapon if I do say so myself... ), a very old piece of Edam cheese, an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list, rather a lot of spam, and a general inability to do anything properly, particularly counting or spelling. That's one thing, that. Good night.

Our twenty-four chief weapons are:

a pair of moccasins
a pair of Ugg boots
a FannyPak with an indeterminate number of toilet rolls in it
a small purple spike
a horse, stalked by a pony
a saddle the existence of which we are not sure about
a blimp
a purple, non-functional, collectable, useless monkey wrench
a set of useless keys easily replaced by a rather fine set of lockpicks
Shagrath's presumably unwanted pad of bright-green sticky notes
a poster of a show in Australia
a shameless plug
the entire population of Nova Scotia,
a presumably migrated, a dead, gone, passed away, ceased to be, and ex-parrot
a Smarties packet with no Smarties
a useless piece of code
a broken letter opener
fear
Coren
a very old piece of Edam cheese
rather a lot of spam
a general inability to do anything properly, particularly counting or spelling
a needle from a Scots pine
an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list

No -- our *twenty-five* chief weapons are....

Among our chief weapons are:

a pair of moccasins
a pair of Ugg boots
a FannyPak with an indeterminate number of toilet rolls in it
a small purple spike
a horse, stalked by a pony
a saddle the existence of which we are not sure about
a blimp
a purple, non-functional, collectable, useless monkey wrench
a set of useless keys easily replaced by a rather fine set of lockpicks
Shagrath's presumably unwanted pad of bright-green sticky notes
a poster of a show in Australia
a shameless plug
the entire population of Nova Scotia,
a presumably migrated, a dead, gone, passed away, ceased to be, and ex-parrot
a Smarties packet with no Smarties
a useless piece of code
a broken letter opener
fear
Coren
a very old piece of Edam cheese
rather a lot of spam
a general inability to do anything properly, particularly counting or spelling
a needle from a Scots pine
an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list
a Metallica CD

Haw many is that? 26? Are you sure?

*cracks his knuckles expermentally*

Rightyho troops I'm back, what was that again?
Did you say our 26 weapons of surpise and fear, fear and surprise are:

a pair of moccasins
a pair of Ugg boots
a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it
a small purple spike (ouch)
a horse, possibly stalked by a pony
a saddle which may OR MAY NOT exist
a blimp
a collectable, purple and unfortunatly useless monkey wrench
a set of keys (also useless) easily replaced by a rather impressive set of lockpicks
Shagrath's seemingly unloved pad of bright-green sticky notes
a poster of a show in Australia
a shameless plug, for what it has been forgotten
the entire population of Nova Scotia,
a presumably migrated, extinct, ceaseing to be, stone cold, and ex-parrot
a Smarties packet with no Smarties (I didnt eat them)
a piece of code, to what remains a mystery
a broken letter opener
a slice of fear
a rare photo of Coren, signed
a very old piece of Edam cheese (smelly)
rather a lot of spam (SPAM SPAM )
a general inability to do anything properly, particularly counting or speeling *yes that was deliberate*
a needle from a Scots pine (not a leaf from a Lark?)
an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list, aside from the fact it now is
a Metallica CD
a small non descript dog which is trying to steal my sandwhich
a surprised looking elephant
a....

Wait..... thats more than 26! how many is that? *counts on fingers*

Lenny:

Your 29 chief weapons are as follows: a pair of moccasins; a pair of Ugg boots; a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it; a small purple spike; a horse; a which is possibly stalking said horse; a saddle which may or may not exist; a blimp; a collectable, purple, and useless monkey wrench; a set of useless keys, easily replaced by Garrett's impressive set of lockpicks; Shagrath's seemingly unloved pad of bright green sticky notes; a poster for a show in Australia; a shameless plug (the above poster); the entire population of Nova Scotia, now migrated; an extinct, dead, stone-cold ex-parrot; a Smarties packet with no Smarties; a piece of code; a broken letter opener; fear; Coren; a very old piece of Edam cheese; a great deal of spam; a general inability to do anything properly, particularly counting or spelling (that's why this is a list of 'your' weapons, not 'our' weapons); a needle from a Scots pine; an unwillingness to put the above into an orderly list; a Metallica CD; a small nondescript dog which is trying to steal Jack's sandwich; a surprised-looking elephant; a flamethrower (not mine!).

Some of the above have been restored to their original state.

Amongst our weponry, includes:

a pair of moccasins;
a pair of Ugg boots;
a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it;
a small purple spike;
a horse;
a which is possibly stalking said horse;
a saddle which may or may not exist;
a blimp;
a collectable, purple, and useless monkey wrench;
a set of useless keys, easily replaced by Garrett's impressive set of lockpicks;
Shagrath's seemingly unloved pad of bright green sticky notes;
a poster for a show in Australia;
a shameless plug (the above poster);
the entire population of Nova Scotia, now migrated;
an extinct, dead, stone-cold ex-parrot;
a Smarties packet with no Smarties;
a piece of code;
a broken letter opener;
fear;
Coren;
a very old piece of Edam cheese;
a great deal of spam;
a needle from a Scots pine;
a Metallica CD;
a small nondescript dog which is trying to steal Jack's sandwich;
a surprised-looking elephant;
a flamethrower (not mine!).

AND an almost fanatical devotion to used cooking oil. And lemmings. WAIT...

I just read this list to my 15-yr old son, who may have to miss school due to excessive laughing (he's recently been inducted into "people hooked on Python" due to the Lego version of "Camelot". I hope to someday get my Flying Circus boxed set out of his room and back into mine)

He suggersted adding "a pointed stick", but I tried to explain that since it was an actual WEAPON, it's not all that funny. He's high-functioning autistic and takes the world very literally; the fact that he's learned to appreciate humor at ALL is a big accomplishment ... we'll keep working on it. A friend of ours had a "Harry Potter" movie marathon at their house- perhaps we'll do Python! Woo!

What a wonderful story!

Anyway, to get back to the game...

Our 29 fearsome weapons - count them, O ye of little faith, for they are indeed 29 - are a pair of moccasins, a pair of Ugg boots, a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it, a small purple spike, a horse, aong with a loyal sidekick walking after it, a saddle whose existance is in some sort of doubt (possibly), a blimp, a collectable, and therefore useless, monkey wrench (also purple, to match the spike!), a set keys, also useless and easily replaced by Garrett's impressive set of lockpicks, a pad of bright green adver post-it notes donated by our very own Shagrath, a poster for Cat's show in Australia (is it still on Cat?), which also doubles as a shameless plug, the entire population of Nova Scotia, who seems to annually migrate south to work in American summer camps, a dead parrot, gone to meet its maker, joined the choir invisible etc, an empty Smarties packet, a piece of code, a broken letter opener, fear, Coren (these last two, despite some former confusion, are NOT the same thing), a very old piece of Edam cheese, a great deal of spam spam spam spam and spam, a needle from a Scots pine, a Metallica CD (not sure which one, could somebody pop it in the CD player and check?), a small nondescript dog which is trying to steal Jack's sandwich, a surprised-looking elephant, a flamethrower (not mine either), an almost fanatical devotion to used cooking oil, and lemmings. Oh, and insane backlog.
Wait, that makes it--- how much? 30? 42?

Current insane backlog inflicted on my newbie-self by evil non-newbie: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F19585?thread=143046 1) a pair of moccasins; 2) a pair of Ugg boots; 3) a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it; 4) a small purple spike; 5) a horse; 6) a which is possibly stalking said horse; 7) a saddle which may or may not exist; 8) a blimp; 9) a collectable, purple, and useless monkey wrench; 10) a set of useless keys, easily replaced by Garrett's impressive set of lockpicks; 11) Shagrath's seemingly unloved pad of bright green sticky notes; 12) a poster for a show in Australia; 13) a shameless plug (the above poster); 14) the entire population of Nova Scotia, now migrated; 15) an extinct, dead, stone-cold ex-parrot; 16) a Smarties packet with no Smarties; 17) a piece of code; 18) a broken letter opener; 19) fear; 20) Coren; 21) a very old piece of Edam cheese; 22) a great deal of spam; 23) a needle from a Scots pine; 24) a Metallica CD; 25) a small nondescript dog which is trying to steal Jack's sandwich; 26) a surprised-looking elephant; 27) a flamethrower (not mine!); 28) an almost fanatical devotion to used cooking oil; 29) lemmings; 30) an insane backlog; & 2 oz of slighty moldy saurkraut

I am not evil - just outsane!

You shall see the way yet, my sister. You shall see the way.

1) a pair of moccasins;
2) a pair of Ugg boots;
3) a FannyPak with an unknown number of toilet rolls in it;
4) a small purple spike;
5) a horse;
6) a which is possibly stalking said horse;
7) a saddle which may or may not exist;
8) a blimp;
9) a collectable, purple, and useless monkey wrench;
10) a set of useless keys, easily replaced by Garrett's impressive set of lockpicks;
11) Shagrath's seemingly unloved pad of bright green sticky notes;
12) a poster for a show in Australia;
13) a shameless plug (the above poster);
14) the entire population of Nova Scotia, now migrated;
15) an extinct, dead, stone-cold ex-parrot;
16) a Smarties packet with no Smarties;
17) a piece of code;
18) a broken letter opener;
19) fear;
20) Coren;
21) a very old piece of Edam cheese;
22) a great deal of spam;
23) a needle from a Scots pine;
24) a Metallica CD;
25) a small nondescript dog which is trying to steal Jack's sandwich;
26) a surprised-looking elephant;
27) a flamethrower (not mine!);
28) an almost fanatical devotion to used cooking oil;
29) lemmings;
30) an insane backlog;
31) 2oz of slightly mouldy saurkraut and . . .
32) a rabid hippy tortoise called Philip

(I don't have enough time to continue this right now, but I just had to ask... don't you think just making a list like that sorta ruins the purpose of the game? I mean, this isn't much _like_ the Spanish Inquisition, is it? Or am I just being nitpicky here? )

Ha! Our chief weapon is nitpickiness! Nitpickiness, and rabid hedgehogs. NO, two - our TWO main weapons....

Our THREE chief weapons are fear, surprise, nice red uniforms...

No, our three chief weapons are nitpickiness, rabid hedgehogs, and a full of !

Oooh, somebody pushed 'Restart'!

And so we present to you, O heathens and infidels, our THREE chief weapons - Nitpickiness, rabid hedgehogs, and a full of ! Oh, and of course the 'Restart' button - musn't forget the 'Restart' button. Right, four then...