h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Blackadder comes up with some pretty interesting lines but my fave has to be in 'Money'

BA: I've got 85 quid and thats a start. Im sure to think of something as long as im not disturbed.

MESSENGER: My lord the queen demands to see you on pain of death!

BA: Damn! The path of my life is stuwn with cow pats from the devils own satanic herd!

Wicked!

From the first series, in episode six where Blackadder is ditching Percy and Balderick he tells Percy that he 'rides a horse rather less well than another horse would.'

Also in series three, episode three (think it's Nob and Nobility) when Blackadder urges Balderick to remember that his father solved the problem of his low ceiling by cutting off his head.

Genius, pure genius!

Soooo many classic insults in 2,3 and 4, mainly on baldrick. My fav is in Private Plane on Flasheart though

"Most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask who they'd prefer to meet, squadron commander flasheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen....They'd go for WEE-JOCK-POO-PONG-MCPLOP everytime

Blackadder has so many classic insults that it's impossible to choose one (though I am fond of his tirade to Percy in The Black Seal).

No, the "best insult of the series" award has to go to Prince George, with his legendary "Mr Thick Black Thick Adder Thicky". Inspired.

Difficult choice to make..
i guess that one when Edumund tells Baldrick 'his breath comes straight from Satan's bottom' (Beer) is rather harsh.
Or..
'Edmund: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and
intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may
rise above the savage and closer to God.

Percy: Yes, I've heard that.

Edmund: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.'

Whehey! That sounds a bit rude, doesn't it!

BA- Yes, Baldrick, to you the renaissance was just something that happened to other people. (BA II, Head)

Great Boo, a yank, new to the h2g2 experience.

One of the best is from Ink & Incapability, when Blackadder is asked if he thinks Dr. Johnson is a genius. His reply?

"No sir, I do not. Unless, of course, the definition of 'genius' in his ridiculous Dictionary is "a fat dullard or wobblebottom; a pompous ass with sweatly dewflaps."

I also think that this is the best ever episode, and anyone who disagrees must be thicker than a whale omelette.

skymoose

EB- (to Pitt the Younger, a.k.a. the Lord Privy Toastrack) Pull up a muffin.
Great Boo

Mr Hopelessly Drively Can't Write for Toffee Crappy Butler Weed!

Also a big fan of "You look like a bird who swallowed a plate."

I must say I do favour this one

Blackadder: Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.

Baldrick: Thank you, Mr B.

Blackadder: But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, 'Sod off and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.'

My fave comes from 'the cavalier years'

BA: Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunuchs underpants.

Hi! I totally agree! everytime i watch or read that insult i can't stop laughing. Wee jock poo pong macplop, classic. What was your favourite episode. I can't pick cos i think they r all gr8!!

An absolute classic

Baldrick.

Yes M'Lord!

Go forth into the street and let it be known that Lord Blackadder wishes to sell his house. Percy!

Yes M'Lord!

Just go forth into the street.....

Not really an insult this one, but close:

"Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil"

From "Ink and Incapability".

And this bit from the opening lines of "Head":

Edmund: Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?

Baldrick: Some beans.

Edmund: Yes...and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?

Baldrick: A very small casserole.

Edmund: Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again..."

Classic!

This is the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

thirsty barking b*stard

He's mad, He's madder than mad jock Mcmad, winner of last years mr madman competition.

Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me...and this pencil.

No my lord pigmot i did not vanquish the nibblepibbleys, because you just made them up.

Capt Darling: Come on Blackadder I wasn't born yesterday you know.
Blackadder: More's the pity, we could have started your personality from scratch.

Without a doubt the best riposte I have ever heard!

I think it's got to be in series 4, 'Private Plane', when Blackadder says to Baldrick:

'I always get confused between the Sopwith Camel and a malodorous runt wasting everybody's time.'

It's just pure classic Blackadder venom.