h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Energy thumps through countless power conduits as you enter. Engineers are busy trying to keep the ship running at maximum efficiency.*

Nerd42, instead of merely WALKING into Engeineering, materializes, in a spectacular display of multi-dimensional pyro-technics!

He looks around, and says, "Lets see what she's got...."

Nerd42

"OK, Engineers, we need power. Lots of it. Get crackin'"
Nerd42

*The Engineers busy themselves at powering up the engines.*
[Engineer] We're at 60% power. We can't get more until the reactors warm up.

#Gregg the space marine enters#

[Gregg]Gun Battery 3, Section 5/D is broken. Would one of you Enginneers please go down and fix it before we're attacked by something

*A Logistican casually rolled his head around towards Gregg. Countless cables run from cranial implants, and his right eye has been replaced with some sort of crude bionic/survelence camera. His voice is high pitched and nasal, and ever so slightly irritating.*
[Logistican] The Chief Engineer is busy. However, we can spare some Engineering staff...
*There is a faint clicking from inside the man's skull.*
[Logistican] Engineering teams are being dispatched. Now, is there anything else you require?

[Gregg]What can we expect from the sector we are visiting?

*Claxons wait to warn of attack.*
[Logistican] I'm afraid I cannot help you about that... However, I will make inquiries when this is over.

"Whoah, dude." (stopping an Engineer) "I wanna see the technical specs on these engines. What makes them tick? What kinda "spaceship drive" powerers this boat? And what's our normal energy budget? And where on this stupid map is the KITCHEN?" Nerd42 paces madly.
Nerd42

[Logistican] Processing... Pathfinder is powered by two Mars Pattern Type IX Plasma Reactors, and a Navi-Comm Mark V Warp Generator. Engines are Type III Plasma Drives, currently at 85% efficiency...
*There is another massive thump as the Pirates make another attack run.*
[Logistican] And shields are holding... barely.

"Send power to shields and weapons! And send two guys to get whatever that guy wanted fixed fixed!"

Nerd42 talks into an intercom to the Bridge....
Nerd42

[Engineer] Shields at maximum! Plasma for Annihilator batteries re-routed!

"Great." (to the Logistican) "How fast can we go? Do our teleporters work? What kind of ships / engines to the Pirates have?" (to an Engineer) "How long until "the reactors warm up"?" (to the Universe In General) "Doesn't it seem kinda early for a pirate attack?"
Nerd42

excuse me, i meant not "to the pirates have" but "what kind DO the pirates have"?

[Logistican] Our top running speed is 25isu's (Interstellar Speed Units), though we can get more if we divert power from weapons or shields. The Pirates have three... sorry, two Infedel class Escorts. They're no match for even a Light Cruiser such as ours, though they may be able to inflict some damage.
[Engineer] Not long... 96% capacity.
[Rating] Hey, we didn't ask them to attack us!

"Lets shiver their timbers! We want the power for full weapons capibilities!"
Nerd42

[Nibel] Keep power to the shields! I'd rather not risk damage...

"OK! I didn't mean to make power go down from the shields, I meant, when more power comes give it to weapons, because more's coming as the reactors warm up."
Nerd42

Nerd42 makes a small speech to the Engineers and whoever else was in the Engine Room during the pirate attack:

"Well, the pirate attack is over now, thank God. Now, I wasn't very happy with how long it took us to get up to 100%. We want to be able to maintain maximum output at the drop of a hat here, is that clear? Engineers, until anything else happens, your job is to find ways to improve/fix the engines/reactors so they will do that. Logstaticians, you help too, and if you aren't needed, oh, i dunno, go calculate PI or something, and give me a piece when you're done. (ignore this remark, it was not wise) If that's done or doesn't need doing, in our mission you know somewhere it says we're gonna seek out new technologies, right? Well, I want to know how long it would take to put in a completely different spaceship drive. That would have to be an estimate of course, but lets say our engine broke down and had to be replaced. How long would that take? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? If it took years, we definately need to work on that. Logstaticians, you think about that problem, yeah. OK, lets move!"

(i thought that would be a cool speech to make, like, if this were real, if that's too much for the DM, forget it. )

Nerd42

"Uh-oh! Looks like the Engineers were busy taking apart the pirate ship! Well, that stuff I said can wait, but as soon as any Engineers are idle, I want them on it, OK?"

Nerd42