h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The board expect a reasonable league position this year, so I sent the reserves on a tour of Scotland to knock some fitness into them. Unfortunately, they played particularly poorly, losing 1-0 to Airdrie, 3-1 to Albion Rovers (Chris) and drawing 0-0 with St Andrews. Egon and Madent played especially woefully, although Ferino and 3 of 8 showed some promise.

Then the club was hit by a glut of retirements! GreyDesk retired, and no-one seemed to care very much. But then we rapidly lost Madent and Cleo as well!

As a result I am now recruiting to keep the squad numbers up, so if anyone wants to induct a friend or two (or even a younger version of themselves) onto the team, point them towards the questionnaire at A985133.

B

Hmmphh! So *now* will you let me play?

I haven't got much choice - you improved dramatically in training over the summer, and have turned into one of our star players. Expect an international call-up anytime soon.

B

How am I doing?

Bob - now that Titania's forced her way back in, you're looking at a place on the bench for a bit.

Chelsea are sniffing around after you, but I don't think you're posh enough to be sold to them.

B

*Installs an underseat heater on his spot on the bench*

Me? Oim Praaperr gert porsh oi am, Oiv gort frends in Clifton, oi av...

So much for my brilliant career

How am I getting on?

Actually, remove 'porsh' frmo my previous post and replace it with 'paaarsh'. There, much better. Couldn't have a mistake in moi Bristolian, could I?

*ponders whether these retirements might get him a place.*

*ponders whether B is ever going to email him the data file*

*ponders why he's wasting more money in this internet phone box*

Dunno if I'm too late but my answers are on the 'survey' page...

rt

Hebe - distinctly average, I'm afraid.

Rooftiler - consider yourself in! Subscribe to this page to keep yourself updated.

B

I suspected as much. The score in the swiss U21 matches didn't look encouraging! Oh well.

Remain optimistic - you're still young, and are likely to get better. Also, you play the same position as Egon, so you're unlikely to be a last-choice.

B

Yay! I promise to not repeat a mistake I made in school football - reminded of it by my ex-PE teacher every time I see him:

rooftiler is standing facing towards his teams goal with ball at feet. Leaves ball where it is, runs round in semicircle in order to shoot ball up the pitch.

(as opposed to the sensible thing which was apparently to use the sole of my foot to 'pull' the ball behind me and then turn around quickly. Quite frankly I'd probably have fallen over the ball anyway)

Looking forward to it already!!!

rt

*zooms in and kicks the ball away*

LUCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*as he lands flat on back*

Meeting your old PE teacher in social situations is decidedly awkward, isn't it?

I see mine all the time, and he just loves reminding me of the times when I was the nerd with glasses who always got picked last.

B

So which bit has changed in the intervening years