h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The best way to defeat an enemy is to make him a friend'

- Abraham Lincoln

(sorry if I'm repeating, I am only - so far - up to reading backwards to posting 1240)

"My father gave me one great piece of advice. Actually, he gave me two pieces of advice. The other one was something about tying your wallet to your underpants..."
Ben Fraser, 'Due South'

keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
keep your family close and your lovers closer.
in sense isn't every lover an enemy?
~unknown

Dorian

WOW, look at all those f***ing indians.

General George Custer at Little Big Horn

"girls are like busses a new comes along every 10 minutes, depending on traffic"
~movie quote

Dorian

Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything. Anon.

english who needs english, i'm never going to england.
~homer simpson

Dorian

When I grow up I'm going to be a cashpoint.
Nathanael Zennor

A rough paraphrase... sorry

"I'll be nothing more than a secret smile on your face that your wife doesn't understand" M*A*S*H

not a qoute but an exchange between Pual Merton and Spike Milligan on Room 101, Spike has just put a picture of a beautiful white mansion up to be put away forever in room 101. Paul Merton looks at it then at Spike in a confused manner:

Merton: isn't that your house?
Spike: yes thats right.
Merton: well, why do you want rid of your own house?
Spike: cos it's ng awful, sh***y white marble halls, ng great pillars, it's horrible.
Merton: then why did you buy it?
Spike: the price was right!

gets me everytime

creachy

"..Don´t worry,men.. -They´ll never be able to hit us from that dista-(!SPLOOSH!).." ..(Confed. cavalry-general, encouraging his men not to be bothered by a distant artillery-squad, moment´s prior to havin´ his head removed by a canonball..)

'Put out that d***ed cigarette!'

Saki (HH Munroe) just before being hit and killed by a sniper in the trenches at night time.

The French, they say, live to eat. The English, on the other hand, eat to die.

- Martin Amis

.."watch out where the huskies go, and dont u eat that yellow snow.." -Frank Zappa

A local boy kicked me in the but last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek

I really don't mid, in fact i wish him well
coz i'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell

Wierd All Yankovich

Hosting the Oscars for the second time is like making love to a woman for the second time . . . I guess!

- Steve Martin (hosting the oscars for the second time)

When in arctic conditions, you need to remember three things. Don't sweat, don't get wet and don't eat yellow snow.

Thanks dad, real handy.

the condom is the glass slipper of our century. you meet a stranger slip one on and dance all night, then in the morning you through it away. the condom i mean not the stranger.
~Marla Stringer (fight club)

Dorian

maybe corporate raiders got too greedy in the eighties and bought up all the direction...
- My poor generation, Moxy Fruvous.