h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"How can you rule a country that has 246 different kinds of cheese"

Charles de Gaulle - quoted freely - I can't remember exactly how many kinds of cheese he said.

*only the prosperous can judge what is sane, only the insane have strength enough to prosper.*
i was told this at school and being quite a stonehead i can't remember who said it but i won't forget it!


creachy

Another good quote:

The ability to see things for what they truly are is often called cynicism by those who haven't got it.

I think it is P.J. O'Rouke, but I'm not certain.

funky !!!!!!!

If a man hasn't discovered something he would die for, he isn't fit to live......



Dr. Martin Luther King,Jr

My favourite P.J. O'Rourke-

(Reporters are said to be distracting from the businees of government. I hope so.)
*Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating you baby.*

Oops- quotes around *I hope so* and *your instead of *you*

"I love deadlines, I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by." - Douglas Adams

"I believe everybody should have the right to own guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice. However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you goobers with anything more dangerous than string." - Scott Adams (No relation, or at least I don't think so.)

"Sex is like basic math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and then we multiply!" - Unknown


A few quotes by me:

"You know what they say about toasters? Do not use in bathtub."

"Who is Tony, and why does he have an award named after him?"

"I once tried to read a dictionary from start th finish, but I never got past aardvark."

"Rome was not built in a day, nor was it built in a week, so how could God have built the Earth in six days? He must have been one hell of an architect."

One for a Friday:

If I had all the money I've spent on drink.....pah!... I'd spend it on drink.

Sir Henry Rawlinson - "Sir Henry at Rawlinson End" by Vivian Stanshal

Don't know who said it, but:
"I've been told I'm ignorant and apathetic. Now I don't know what that means, and frankly, I don't care."

Karmageddon,

Maybe I should start a fan club for Sir Henry, I've never met anyone in the last 25 years that's been into these stories and in the last couple of months I've run across at least half a dozen.

I used to listen to John Peel in the late seventies and he used to play some of the sketches - I wonder if it could be serialised and put on TV?

"Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Not if you don't mind my wife throwing up"



Bassman

Version I heard was-

"Do you mind if I smoke?"
"No, do you mind if I fart?"

My prefered version;

Oscar Wilde: 'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Sarah Bernhardt: 'I don't care if you burn.'

Math

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute.But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute-and it's longer than an hour.Thats relativity." Albert Einstein.

"Half the lies our opponents tell about us are untrue."

"We should silence anyone who opposes the right to freedom of speech."

Sir Boyle Roche

For more take a look at A673607, and I would also recomend A224434

Math

"PS If you do not receive this, of course it must have been miscarried; therefore I beg you to write and let me know."
Sir Boyle Roche

I may have said this a couple of years ago when I was here last, but...

Life is a potato behind a rock in the desert.

More important, from Joseph Heller's Good as Gold, when a spokesman is asked for a position statement, he says

I don't know

We need more of that.

That sort of thing only happens in fiction...