h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh I'm sure! Sounds terrific...great!

Meg you would be wonderful as a foster parent!
Can hubby and the kids take the emotional rollercoaster?

I have a friend doing that and my sister-in law is starting the process. I was proud and happy to do personal recommendations for them both

Meg, congratulations on the nuptials!(love that word!)

Abbi, as we've said in emails, hubby is a goodie big style. You deserve him, it may possibly help a little to redress the balance of all the other s**t.

Good for him to intervene. I remember when my mom smashed my head through the bathroom window, watching the neighbours gawping & thinking "they will come & help me"

like hell they did! You have never seen lace curtains twitch back so quickly!!!

My first hubby dragged me down the street in the gutter by my hair, i was screaming to passers by "he is going to kill me, DO something!"

like hell they did! You have never seen people cross the road so quickly!!!

The parable of the Good Samaritan seems a bit unlikely these days, your hubby is a rarity, give him a big from me please.

zdt

Hi Floks, Terri that sounds like MK2s first husband?
He used to drag her about by her hair, and hit her all the time

Funny how men like that are not so keen to have a go at another man when challenged Even her sons have got "selective memories" when the subject coames up
Smudger,

I remember being pulled apart by my dad and soon-to-be-ex-stepmum, both paralytic, in Andover town centre on a Saturday afternoon. He had one arm and she the other (he won, so I went home). Loads of people turned around and looked, fascinated; but no-one ventured forward, so I ended up humiliated as well as trapped and well, a little stretched.

Stretched!!! Wow, "home built racks a speciality" eh!! Ah well, we learn to keep a sense of humour about these things if we live long enough!

One satisfying side effect of frequent childhood battering is it seems to give you a tough skull. My ex-ex (ex, who cares!) tried to clobber me around the head & broke 4 fingers in the process; i didn't even have a headache!

ho bloody ho!

zdt

On Monday morning I witnessed a mother scolding her son really badly for being clumsy, well he was clumsy, but that still didn't justify the tone she was speaking in. People in the train were disgusted with that, and showed it.
And it struck me how unused we've become at children being treated roughly, that was the first scene of that kind I've seen in years! I think that's a great thing, notwithstanding that I don't think much of the infamous antiauthoritarian method, because children do need rules and firmness, but that's a totally different set of problems, albeit often mixed up popularly.

good points, delicia.

Yes, kids DO need rules & firmness to feel secure, but these can be taught to them in ways which don't involve physically or emotionally hurting them.

I haven't had kids myself, but was a teacher for many years & i was actually regarded as pretty strict BUT well liked by the kids.

quite apart from anything else, shouting, beating, bullying etc just don't work very well, the child becomes immune & the "dominant person" has to go further & further to get a response; often resentment leads to defiance...etc etc.

zdt

It's not BUT it's BECAUSE, as I daresay you very well know.
My dad was a teacher for more than 40 years, and considered what might be termed the "old school" today, and in latter years he was one of the few still able to maintain order in his classroom, so that at least those children who wanted to were actually able to learn something.
But he said he increasingly felt like a lion tamer, and he blamed it on antiauthorianism, which in his view is just another word for parents shirking the hard work of giving their children the security of firm rules and enabling them to grow up into responsible adults.

You have a point Delicia.

I get the feeling in some cases--
many ill equipped parents do not care how badly the kids act as long as they are not being bothered. Then they loose it big time later on because they never had control to begin with

I do wonder if it was better back when the whole neighborhood watch idea was natural for *all the kids* and not about the crimminals or fear of them. I know a lot of adults that experienced abuse back then as kids. So I am not sure what helps.

Beating children into submission is bad but being too lax is a disservice.
***********
Krispy that does set up quite a mental picture!
People stared when my Mom would have hysterical scenes in public, nobody knew what to do and nobody ever intervened!
***********
There is a site I have been trying to access that advises people what to do when you see ongoing child abuse in public.
I will post it when I can.
They -Kemp(sp?) have dealt with child abuse for a long time.

Yes abbi, that's another point about the neighbourhood watch. When I grew up in the village I could hardly get away with anything illicit, those village people sure are the noticing kind! And then it would be round to my parents within an hour, max! Learned to become quite sneaky.
Now the kids from the small villages are carted to central schools to the big villages or even towns each day, and the people there don't know them, nor do they care, and this loss of control is disastrous for their upbringing. City kids i was always rather sorry for anyway. First time i saw a town school with a concrete schoolyard for of kids milling and fighting antlike it was a shock to my system!

Yep Delicia.
I bet it was a shock to see all that concrete! I always went to schools that had nature and woods on the schools land . The outside courses were my favorite

Busing kids for the sake of integration had the same bad effect for many kids. In fact there is talk about the hidden damages of busing to integrate schools. It's the anniversary of the law changing here. The original family involved is speaking out about the negatives and how it did not accomplish what they had expected
******************
http://www.kempe.org

I just saw it on Tv so I am posting before reading the advice.
They have a good and long reputation teaching about child abuse. The message says go to their site if you want to know what to do in a situation where you see a parent out of control.
I am interested in what they say...

here's my five eggs worth...
I cannot believe how little control parents have over their children. I need to qualify "control" as my children are in no way controlled, but know about respect. If they detect a change in my vocal tone (not volume) they know if they have disappointed me or pleased me. Often I say very little when I'm angry and they know they've done something very bad. I know how to say no and practice it often. It would be easy to say yes to every request but what does that teach? that you can have anything without any effort on your part?
Why are parents afraid to say no? If a child is given treats too often they cease to be treats and are expected and worthless.
Treats are earnt but praise and unconditional love are free

My mother was much too slick to smack me around publicly, she saved that for the privacy of home. But she certainly had no problem with berating me or chewing me out. My mother doesn't just raise her voice, she bellows with the rage of a mad elephant (and almost as much girth ), getting right in your face and backing you down. I always hated that. That doesn't teach respect, only fear... and resentment!

I find it strange that many children who have been abused or neglected seem to grow up to be strict but fair adults, rather than overly permissive or equally abusive. It's good that lots of us have learned, albeit the hard way, the difference between guidance and nurturing, and just plain bullying. How sad that some people seem to have children merely to have someone smaller around to pick on.

All of you here are good people, and Abbi, your hubby is good people!

(Terri, you'd asked me for a favor, to email that painting you'd done, my hard drive seems to have eaten it! )

My mother bellowed and I can't bear loud noises. Any children who visit our home are told when they enter that screaming and shouting are not allowed. Screaming and shouting are for outdoors or if you're in danger. I also cringe when people raise their arm near me.
I think being bullied only taught me hate for the adult and a will not to get caught next time.

I had a really violent upbringing Yet Its only when I read sbout others, that the bad memories come back

I know its weird, but I think I have blocked it out of my mind totally, as there are large chunks of my youth that I just cant remember

Not feeling so hot today folks I always have these bad days when the side effects of my medication come through, and makes me sick and dizzy all day

Still!! I will be tomorrow Eh!
Smudger,

Yes, it's good that despite our times, we do seem to have learned some ways of dealing with things that don't involve going to one extreme or the other. for all!

PC, your hard drive must have been hungry, hope it enjoyed it! Never mind, abbi's got a copy too...but she's away now till june 1st/2nd. i will just have to get the original copied, no prob.

zdt