h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?

More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to
get in?
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

I Promise To Be a Good Dog:
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
are tasty, they are not food.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying "hello."
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not:
Throw up in the car.

Come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

You mean sticking my nose into peoples' crotches isn't a polite greeting?.

....oh dear.

(maybe this is why I'm still a bachelor)


JTR

sounds just like our two geriatric dogs.... lol...
they even stick their butts in the fridge.... even in winter... lol...

Thanks for a really good laugh....aloud.

Your s DO have my s on their "doggie MSN buddies list" . This is known, just proving it may be tuff. My Kodi is a script puppie I think...




pedboy

Shhh don't tell my dogs about IM!!!I love it yours have screenames

So happy I could give u all a chuckle

WONDERFUL!!!!!
I needed this today.

Oh my it's fun to cheer folks! I LIKE IT!

And I sent it to my coworkers

Oh, should try to find some of the email addresses for some breeders I know...

I left a link last night on your "Wah cant find it" thread~~ You will get a laugh out of it

Dear

1)Some humans do sniff other humans & find the smellier ones quite nice; these humans are considered but they are past caring.

2) Please continue to eat puked up food, plus contents of litter tray, it is a considrable financial saving & ecologically sound, but please refrain from licking my face afterwards for approx 45 minutes.

") Re: wetness situations; "Humans are large talking bath towels"

5) Re: crotch sniffing welcomes; this is most definitely acceptable by any living organism (sp?) with a bit of sense. Pray continue. "More tea vicar?"

6) As far as Terri is concerned, you can play with & make it squeak like hell; see point*2)

BARK? It doesn't grow on trees you know!

*waves* teehee
The beast has allowed Terri & Yoda communication! YAY!

Let's see if it will allow this; if so, can somebody please copy & send to the bbc complaints; I have other thing to do than stare at hootoo non postings!

04.13 typed in a posting

04.25 tried to post.

04.32 "Impossible to find page"

04.33 Tried "reply" again.

04.37 "Service not available"

04.38 Tried "reply" again.

04.44 "Impossible to find page"

04.45 Tried preview/"reply" again.

04.45 "Service not available"

04.50 Gave up, went back to own space (very quick) & started posting this.

I have more motivation than most to attempt to use hootoo. The fact that I am a raving lunatic insomniac does not make me typical of the average user.

What the hell is going on?

Please post this to the complaints place. I simply do not have the time to track down the right address & do so, but, for the record, I am beginning to despair of h2g2 as an effective means of communication. It is NOT my connection; I am using s broadband computer, it is not France Telecom, the phone is fine, email & msn is fine. It is hootoo. Is this built-in obsolescence or what?

Not a happy

Terri.

05.08 posted, went straight through


credit where credits due but I repeat "What is going on?"

enough uncerainty in my world without this!


zdt

I emailed h2g2 support, and got this back:

"Greetings!

We have been experiencing server problems over the last few days. If you are still unable to login to h2g2, please reply to this mail and we will endeavour to assist you.

Best wishes,

h2g2 Support"

So they are aware of the problem, and are, I think, working to correct it. I have heard rumours that they are going to install additional servers soon. (Sorry, can't remember what thread I read that on)

JTR

That was a composite of emails I had recieved and traded with pet owners *the best of*