h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am just wondering wether to tell anyone my Echo and the Bunnymen story.Or i might just get another tatoo done,instead. I have got an idea for an entire CD of girls singing covers of songs which were written for men to sing. Its working title is 'I always have trouble with men...' I have so many new ideas per minute that a high percentage of them are lost right away..what a waste.I ought to be a listed building or a national Treasure. But if they never get used why do I keep getting sent more.its a puzzle...

See Tori Amos last effort for that one. Sadly all ready done.

My own 'pet' project (ARF!ARF!) is an album of covers substituting the singer for dog barks. Using a sampling keyboard I have honestly already done a version of Tears In Heaven which would bring tears to the eyes of Eric Clapton. It evokes memories of Conor and also of Petra at the same time. How evocative!

Tori isn't angrily dimissive enough.She also doesn't do 'glass ceiling what glass ceiling'-just wafts around the subject.Anyway i don't have trouble with men-they seem to have a big problem with me,though.

Right on. I have often felt that Tori deprives me of my Womanhood on an all too frequent basis. I have noticed that she does bow to the barriers imposed by the men in the music industry and if you could knock these barriers out of the water with angry vocals I would clap raucously. Seriously. I like the real feminist vocalists more myself anyway. Suzi Quatro, Pink, Sam Fox, Tina Turner and Belinda Carlisle (ooh baby do you know what that's worth?'

If you didn't hold that knife to men's throats when you were talking to them maybe the fear would be less evident.

You might have been told in your youth that'Don't care was made to care'Its a lie.I never have been.

Woz vat in Sweeedish 'cos I dinnit unnerstan itt. Oi may be fick loike.

The manger is on the stage for the whole play.And don't mistake me for Ulrika jonson again in that tiresome but understandable way...

Do you look like Ulrika? Cross-eyed.

That reminds me of such an old joke that we used to laugh about in Sunday School.'Gladly the cross-eyed bear'We were young and lived in the suburbs and too young to drink cider in the 'Rec'

I guess you had to be there.

All this nostalgia reminds me of 'hilarious' rhymes about Trebor mints, baked beans and Kermit the Frog. Oh the old days. I'm half expecting an appearance from grinning idiot Kate Thornton to say, 'Ahahahah, space hopper! How naff!!!' Ooh she's a t**t.

Hvae you heard of a gonk? I'm trying to find a seventies page with a picture on it to send to Capt Spankmonki.

A gonk you say? Who wants to know? Well it rings a bell, but is very hazy in my mind. Tucked back there along with the Annabel doll and many many action men and swing-tennis games. No, I give up.

I thought you'd gone home?

I have gone home. I'm not really typing this, just messing with your head. Wooooo

Stan diddly qua qua,stan diddly qua qua.

Many happy returns of the day and all that.

I hunted high and low in Golders Green for your gift, but had real trouble getting hold of a delicious Israeli

Enjoy

You can buy that on Shepherds Bush Green. Thanx so much.So how are you intending to spend my birthday.I have to give my permission you see.If its very,very exciteing I might have to come along as well.

I spent 8.30 until 10.00 shivering my arse off outside the office because of a lack of keys amongst the moron permanent staff.

We are planning a firework display and ritual slaughter of lambs in celebration of your birthday followed by a parade through the streets and on reaching the TV studios I will ceremonially torch a load of cars and leg it.

Is that in keeping with your plans? It went down a storm during the Jubilee celebrations and when that old prune in a hat snuffed her lid too.

Haven't you forgotten something? I mean i thought you might have had a phone call or something about something really important..

No phone calls this morning. Why do you say this?