h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Although I wouldn't normally have political ambitions, I quite fancy yhe title, status and lifestyle associated with being a Roman Emperor!

Whats the attraction?? The Slave girls? indoor heating ? or classical poetry? I'd a thought a Mongol empereror would have suited somebody better with your namesake? Nice bit of raping and pillaging to while the hours away?

Actually, I find all the violence a bit tiresome. And I'm no good on a horse, so I thought something a bit more sedentary was called for...
Although I do quite like the oriental luxury of being a Khan.

I think I'd like to travel by palanquin. And yes, I think a procession of dancing girls, minstrels, and I suppose a few henchmen to ward off the highwaymen and bandits might be needed. Then I could tour my empire in comfort - and I'd need a few good places to stop on the way I suppose.

But the question is... should the dancing girls have tambourines?
(I guess it would be okay, if they didn't use them all the time)

The downside of all this?
It'd cost a fortune in corn-plasters for the bearers!

Ah well, we all have our little crosses to bear don't we?
Just pour me another sherbert!

Dear Uncle

I've poured over your dreams and ambitions now for some weeks (apologies).

And they seem nothing more than the same simple wants and desires that we all hold, to be fed, watered, lorded over, entertained (namely by skantily clad dancing girls with tamborines) all the everyday desires that any ambitious Empire-seeking go getter would be after, and nothing more. If only we all held these simple desires maybe there wouldnt be any war or bloodshed. Its a shame the empire isnt there for the taking......

Hmmm. Lebensraum. Somewhere to build an empire.
I'm sure there must be somewhere that would benefit from our despotic governance...

But where???