h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, lets see, dirty secrets, yeah I've got a few, closetfuls of skeletons that is. But, absolutely no one, except those involved, know about them, and besides, there wasn't anything really illegal (*legalize marijuana, save my friends their money*). Just a lot of stupid embarassing sh- uh... stuff. Those thing I'd like to keep under the rug(or basement floor perhaps?). Besides, if I were to ever become famous, it'd probably be for being struck by lightning on top of a tall tree on a cloudless day, but that's just my luck. I'm going to get another drink now.

-Craig

If I ever became famous, I think everybody would be shocked to find out all the stories about me are actually true. I don't really have any dirty little secrets, but I've done some strange and unlikely things that people probably think I lie wildly when I tell about them.

I don't have any dirty little secrets, but my friends do. I'd be only too happy to spread them about for the right kind of cash if they ever got in the tabloids for something really interesting.

Would the money be worth the friendship though? Probably not, so maybe I'd pass after all.

Dear Mr Murdoch,
I would like to divulge a Dirty Little Secret about Pinniped, who (when somewhat younger) performed an unnatural act with a bar-billiards table.
He was (partially) attired in a dinner suit at the time.
I know...monstrous, innit?
Oh well, so much for HIS chances of High Public Office...
Pinniped collected on the bet in the form of a crate of beer, BTW.
But we've still got the negatives.
Hah!
A fiver or near offer should secure them for you.
Yours in anticipation,
MC *toot*