h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Is there a really embarrassing photograph of you that you would hate to be on the front page?"

Yes. Almost every picture ever taken of me, but especially the one taken of me at the 2002 h2g2 summer meet in Hyde Park by Gnomon, in which my nose appears to be the size and approximate shape of London's new city hall.

"Who would you trust not to tell your dirty secrets, and who do you think would tell all for the right price?"

Who would I trust not to tell... most of my friends, I think, with a couple of exceptions. They're mostly not the gossipy type.

Who do I think would tell all? Ex-girlfriends, mostly, some of whom could tell more than others...

"Do you actually have any dirty secrets? You don't have to tell us what they are, but we like to know that we are in good company."

Definitely. See the answer to the previous question.

"If you won the lottery, who would you expect to run to the press for some money if you wouldn't lend it to them?"

Hmm... don't think I know anyone who'd do that, or at least not anyone who knows anything about me worth a penny.

"If you were arrested by the police and it got into the papers, would your friends be surprised, or would interviews be full of 'I always knew that one was up to something"?"

Friends might be surprised, depending on what I was arrested for. If it was for bungie jumping off the roof of Buckingham Palace and mooning the Her Maj, I doubt many of them would be surprised, they'd just raise a reproving eyebrow and go "oh yes, I expected as much".

If it was for speeding, they'd all be stunned, because they've seen my car.

If it was for a series of two or three dozen widely scattered, apparently unrelated and meticulously executed killings, they'd probably look at the camera and say "well I didn't suspect anything at the time, but looking back...".

H.