h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

BRITANNIA SWIMS WITH THE PORPOISE
PORPOISE
PORPOISE
PORPOISE

BRITANNIA SWIMS WITH THE PORPOISE

AIN'T THAT RIGHT BOYS




A SHRIMP AND A PRAWN,
BOTH GET BORN,
TO LIVE A LIFE AT SEA


SHRIMPS AND PRAWNS,
LOBSTERS AND CRABS,
CRUSTACEANS
IS WOT THEY BE


THE WALRUS AND THE MANATEE,
WERE SURFING ON A WAVE

MIND THAT BEACH, SAID THE WALRUS,
IT IS A DIRTY POLLUTED
WILDLIFE
GRAVE


WHERE CAN WE LAND,
SAID THE MANATEE,
TO HAVE A BASK IN THE SUN


TO LOAF AROUND
ON THE WATERFRONT,
AND HAVE A BIT OF FUN


THERE IS NO ESCAPE, SAID THE WALRUS,
THE OIL IS EVERYWHERE,
IT GETS IN YOUR EYES,
AND UP YOUR NOSE,
AND CLOGS UP ALL YOUR HAIR


NO PART OF THE WORLD
IS OUT OF SLICKS' REACH,
FROM LANDS' END TO LAGOS,
FROM ALASKA TO COCO
CABANA
BEACH


WE ARE GOING EXTINCT,
SAID THE COD TO THE PLAICE,
THE HUMAN RACE
IS A SELFISH, GREEDY, WASTEFUL DISGRACE


WOT ABOUT US,
SAID THE PLAICE TO THE COD,
THE GRIM TRAWLER TURNS OUT,
TO BE OUR GOD


SHARKS' FIN SOUP, THEY THINK IS SUPER,
TO THE PLAICE,
SAID THE WISE OLD GIANT GROUPER

THEY ARE A VAIN AND SELFISH ROTTEN GREEDY LOT,
SAID THE SHARK TO THE LOBSTER
IN THE LOBSTER POT


EVEN THE CUTTY SARK
HAS GONE TO POT,
THEY HAVE LET ITS' INNARDS
RUST AND ROT

AND AS FOR POOR BRITANNIA,
THE FINEST EVER YACHT,
WHERE THEY DUMPED ITS' INNARDS,
THEY HAVE BLOODY WELL FORGOT

OUT OF SIGHT
OUT OF MIND
OUT OF HUMAN
STUPIDITY

OUT OF SIGHT
OUT OF MIND
DUMP IT ALL
IN THE SEA


MARITIME CRIME,
HAS REACHED A NEW PEAK,
THE PRESTIGE IS ON THE OCEAN BED,
AND AS SHIPS DO,
THE PRESTIGE WILL LEAK


THEY SUNK IT AT THE DIVERGENCE POINT,
OF THE OCEAN CURRENT SWELL,
FOR TIDE AND CURRENT,
TO CARRY THE OIL SOUTH,
TO PORTUGAL
GIBRALTAR AND MOROCCO,
AND
THE CANARY ISLANDS AS
WELL


AND THE LESSON THAT THE OCEAN CURRENTS TEACH,
SAID THE GROUPER TO THE SPRATT,
IS THAT PRESTIGE OIL WILL TURN UP,
IN THE MOUTH OF THE AMAZON,
WEARING A
SPANISH
HAT


AN EYE FOR AN EYE,
A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS,
A DROP IN THE OCEAN BLUE,
MOBY DICK SICK,
STUCK IN AN OIL SLICK,
WOTEVER WILL MOBY NOW
DO


PERHAPS ONE DAY,
SAID THE MANATEE,
WHEN THE MAN IN THE MOON LOOKS DOWN,
THAT MAN WILL SEE,
AS DO WE,
THAT THE OCEAN BLUE,
IS NOW DIRTY AND BROWN


MAN, SAID THE WALRUS,
IS ALWAYS LOOKING DOWN,
HIGH AND MIGHTY AND VAIN

THINKING THAT NATURE,
DARE NOT DROP ON MAN,
WOT MAN MIGHT CALL HARD RAIN

HARD ENOUGH
TO WASH MAN CLEAN,
AND DOWN THE NEAREST
MAN MADE
DRAIN



POSTSCRIPT AUGUST 2003


THE WIND FROM THE WEST,
DID ITs' BEST,
THE SPANISH PLAN TO FOIL

EVERY ANCIENT MARINER KNOWS,
THAT WATER FLOATS ON OIL

THE WEST WIND BLEW,
AND WHIPPED UP THE SURF,
AND BROUGHT THE OIL,
BACK TO EARTH

IT ALL ENDS UP,
ON A SPANISH BEACH,
WELL WITHIN,
SPANISH REACH

.


NEPTUNE ROSE
FROM NEPTUNES' CHAIR,
AND CALLED FOR DENTAL FLOSS

ALL I HAVE,
IS SOME FISH HOOKS TO SPARE,
SAID THE WANDERING ALBATROSS

HOOK LINE AND SINKER,
LINKED TO A DIRTY STINKER,
SAID NEPTUNE CHEWING MOSS

HOOKS,
WILL MAKE YOU CHOKE AND BLEED,
YOU SILLY

ALBATROSS


WHITHER SHE GOES,
THE ENGLISH ROSE,
HEADING SOUTH,
FOLLOWING HER NOSE,
SAILING LIKE AN OCEAN BOSS

SAID THE WALRUS TO THE YELLOW NOSED
ALBATROSS

NEPTUNE SAT,
AT A LOSS,
LOOKING AT,
THE ALBATROSS

TIME TO TAKE A WANDER,
THE OLD ALBATROSS SAID,
LEAVING NEPTUNE TO LOOK
AROUND,
AT THE DIRTY SEA BED





FREE PORPOISE SUBPLOTLINK
http://www.wdcs.org/

PADDY WANTS TO HELP


THE GIFT





IT'S ADRIFT,
SAID JONAH,
TO CAPTAIN BLIGH,
AS HE BEGAN TO ROW THE OCEAN,
WITH A WEARY SIGH

THROUGH A PARROTS' BEAK
OF CHINA BELLEEK,
WITHOUT A PADDLE
AND TONGUE IN CHEEK,
JONAH, DID THUS QUIETLY SPEAK

AND CAPTAIN BLIGH DID FREAK AND SHRIEK,
ON CATCHING SIGHT OF JONAHS' LEEK,
AND JONAHS' FEET DID PONG AND REEK,
AS THEIR ROWING BOAT STARTED
TO DRIFT, AND SQUEAK,
AND GROAN,
AND CREAK

AND JONAH DID THUS START TO QUIETLY SPEAK




IT'S A GIFT SAID PADDY,
EMBELLISHED NOT DRAB,
IT'S A GIFT THAT WE CALL,
THE GIFT OF THE GAB

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE GAB,
THE GIFT OF THE BLAB,
THE GIFT OF THE FLAB,
AND THE GIFT OF THE CRAB

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE PLOUGH,
THE GIFT OF THE POLE STAR ZODIAC NOW,
WITH THE STARS ABOVE,
FROM THE MOON WITH LOVE,
IT'S A GIFT SAID PADDY,
IT'S AN OLD BROWN COW

IT'S THE GIFT OF YARN,
IT'S THE GIFT OF SPIN,
IT'S THE GIFT OF CHARM,
IT'S THE GIFT WITHIN

IT'S THE GIFT OF LIGHT,
IT'S THE GIFT OF SHADE,
IT'S THE GIFT OF HOW
THE GAB IS MADE

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE MOON,
IT'S A GIFT IT'S A BOON,
IT'S THE GIFT OF THE LOOM
THE SUMMER MONSOON
AND THE COCONUT RACCOON

IT'S THE GIFT OF ART
AND SCIENCE TOO,
IT'S THE GIFT OF THIS BOAT,
TO ME AND YOU

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE OCEAN,
IT'S THE GIFT OF THE SEA,
IT'S THE GIFT OF ARMS,
SUCH AS HAVE THEE

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE OARS,
THE BLISTERS AND THE SORES,
THE GIFT OF THE SCURVY SCAB

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE SUN,
TO EACH AND EVERY ONE

IT'S THE GIFT OF THE BLAB,
EMBELLISHED NOT DRAB,
IT'S THE GIFT
AS WE CALL IT,
THE GIFT OF THE GAB





PADDY IN PURGATORY

THE DEVIL IN A WHEELBARROW IN A CHARITY RACE,
IT'S BACK TO THE DEVILS' PLACE

THE DEVIL EATING A CARROT,
AND HOLDING A STICK, SAYS,
PADDY

STEP UP THE PACE

PorPoise PostscriPt



SAILING SOUTH,
OVER CAPE VERDE PLAIN,
THE WANDERING ALBATROSS,
WAS SIGHTED AGAIN

HAVING LFET HIS LITTLE YELLOWNOSE,
ON A CANARY ISLE,
THE WANDERING ALBATROSS,
WAS SEEN TO SMILE

Susan Winkle aka Traveller in Time, Susan Winkle aka on her head starts whining along
"In a way I like your poems,
Crushing my dictionarys mind.
It is all what I do not like to knowns,
Still hoping nature sorts its kind.

Still believe
When man stops deceive
Themself.ish
And shellfish
All will end up Goo
And the earth still blue."
accompanyed by quitters of Susan Winkle aka

Sailor in Time a blue parrot on his shoulder
"I do not get it, both of you, can you say it in normal words please? It is better to hear Nephew and Traveller trying their esperanto then this rambling riddling."

standing up and giving them solely an applause
"Magnificent from the heigths of the river surface to the courts of Neptune on the ocean floor. Shivers of recognition crawl over me. Shivers that may wake up mankind to see what they will lead the earth to."
he is seated again on his couch

SnackSeller walking by
"Albatross to save! Aalbatross to save! < A552908 >
El be it Rose to see! < A1163828 >"

Traveller in Time on his head drops down from the ceiling his coat whirling down.
"Now that you mention it you little dragon. The Viarsa will become a part of the human reef up south of Australia. I sure hope they will remove the highest concentrations of chemicals before dropping it.
Hmm this dropping down is not that unconforteable.."
he jumps down trough the floor

spEARHEAD pOsTsCRIpT



NEPTUNE SAT,
ON NEPTUNES' CHAIR,
AND THOUGHT ABOUT,
WAR IN THE AIR

DRAGON WARFARE,
DO OR DIE

DRAGON WARFARE
IN BLUE SKY

DRAGON WARFARE
IN THE SKY

THE SKY AT NIGHT
IS THE PLACE TO FIGHT,
SAID NEPTUNE COMBING HIS HAIR

SO MEN WILL SEE THE LIGHT,
THE WALRUS SAID,
WOOD THAT KNOT BE FAIR

FOUND IN THE CAPTAINS' LOG, TWO DAYS OLD


Notes: Working on my guiding principle that 'Whatever you are doing - there is a better way of doing it', We have had a fresh look, with an open mind, at the sets of three winches and four jammers situated on either side of the steering wheel at the back door of the Doghouse. By re-leading a few ropes and switching the usage of four winches we have taken a leap forward in the ease of handling the boat by one person alone on deck.

Can the same principle be applied to the saving of the albatross? Is there a better way of saving the albatross?


Think about the Crew,
Think about the Sea,
Think about Wot You Do,
Lest Mishap Come to Thee

You Are Close to a Freak Tsunami Red Zone,
Check to see How Close


A Ships' Tackle, Mountings and Moorings,
Are Designed to Spread The Load
As Well As
Spread The Work

You Need All Hands On Deck
on Sky Wind and Water Watch,
You Never Know Wot Can
Happen,
To A Drop in The Ocean,
Under A Heavy Load,
So Always Let It Follow Its' Nose,
Double Check
The Ropes and Rigging,
Come Wot May
Come Wot Knows
Come Wot Blows Come Wot Flows


DON'T BE SORRY
BE CAREFUL


CHINESE PROVERB

BE CAREFUL
BE CAREFUL
BE CAREFUL
BE PATIENT

BE WATER
BE LAKE
BE OCEAN
BE STILL



PUT IT BACK
THE WAY IT WAS,
PUT IT BACK
BECAUSE

DO NOT BELAY
DO NOT DELAY
DO NOT WAIT,
FOR
A
RAINY DAY

In his Log for Day 59, The Captain Claims to have changed the ships' Rigging and Performance Characteristics to suit plain sailing on a sunny pacific day by one person.......

Now, on day 60, The Captain writes that The Rigging is in Knots, the ship is a wreck, and not that he has changed it back: so it looks as if Jonah is Alive and Well and on the Vessel.