h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: *Duck Ransom* aneurysm - A952670
Author: 2legs.Seagull not busDriver.Find me on the corner of your mind.nighthoover highpriest.official BreastInspector.Gherkin.Meethead. - U169793

Free the duck!

An entry on aneurysms, very interesting, or informative, or something 'ere it is anyhow Hot off the press and all...

Hi 2Legs! This starts well but degenerates into technical jargon. Edited Guide Entries should be simple enough that an interested bystander can read them. I think any bystander would find this very hard going.

Is there any way you could simplify it? Could you put in a "fascinating facts about aneurysms" section? How do aneurysms affect the common man? I'm sure that such information is in the entry already, but I got lost in the jargon.

Hmm, yes, . I think, perhaps I should rewrite it, more as an guide entry, and less as if I was trying to impress someone marking it as a piece of university work.... I'll give it some time later simplify, simplify,

Also, the "most common" anuerysms are in the brain, not the aorta. If you mean most commonly diagnosed.

Friar

*pushes it up 2legs conversation list*

Is there any chance of this entry moving on any, or do you not have time for it at the moment? I'm just trying to tidy up PR a bit, and revive a few languishing entries. I think with work this entry could end up being a nice sized addition to the guide.

spelugx -- <./>scout</.>

Hay!
*wakes up : I'll try to get to look at it this week, see if I can turn it round a bit Should be able to fiddle with it Tomorrow

Manyana manyana ...

Hi 2legs,

This is a good piece on aneurysms. Though as has already been pointed out it does lapse into technical jargon. As a "survivor" of a sub arachnoid aneurysm it would be very difficult to say "how it affects the common man". This is due to the fact that there is no such thing as the common man when it comes down to damage (either by surgial invasion or internal bleeding) and the subsequent recovery therof.

I think that you are addressing a very complicated subject and are attempting to make it more understandable for the general public, which is to be commended.

Go for it 2legs

I've been so lazy recently... I'll try to give it some time tomorrow or sometime this week, between filing in job applications

Ditto to what Flanker said.

The information is all there, so I think it could be tidied up with the judicious use of subheaders and footnotes.

Well, I'll have a little lunch, ring up to request the job application pack ring my supervisor, the student loans company and then I should be able to give it full attention for some time back later

I've put up a modified version... added some stuff, removed a little*, put in a few headers and subheaders, though I don't think I've resolved the technical jargon aspect fully, which I'll attempt* to look at this weekend, see if I can simplify it somewhat, without extending it too much, I think its also a little long, and I'll se iff i can 'rationalise' it a little as well... I'm not so fond of using footnotes, despite being a 'white coat' sort, tending to agree more with the literatury contingency, I might* try to explain stuff in teh text, so it runs a little freer for those readers who don't immediately know some of the 'subject specific' terminology Any other suggestions/comments please?

In para #2 you misspell aneurysm

In para #3 you don't capitalize the first word.

You still have Duck Ransom in your entry title.

Friar, here to pick nits, but returning to substance

In the dissecting aneurysms section there are a few things:
1) define media, Even a footnote would help

2) Road traffic accidents certainly cause dissection, but so do stabbings, shootings, etc. The reason the happen more commonly is tat auto collisions happen more commonly than stabbings and shooting, but as far as per-event %, stabbings result in more dissections. So you might want to describe how trauma might do the damage, but not note any individual event.

3) The most common aortic aneurysms are abdominal. These occur in old fat men with hypertension and are rarely fatal (these guys die from heart attacks first). The treatment here is often surgical (if the aneurysm is found in the first place, which is might be as an incidental finding of an abdominal CT or MRI/A) with an artifical lumen placed THROUGH the aneursymal clot, it's actually really cool.

OK that's it for now from me.

I think there is still some work here, but the article is pretty much factually on the money, and easy to read for me (but I'm used to this stuff, so I regularly forget what others think of as jargon).
Friar

Agree with what Friar said and I think with little more work it will be ready

Keep up the good work 2Legs

Right, I'll probably get a chance to get on with this this weekend, (and the lupus entry as well...) One thing; I can't see where the 'free the duck' thing is? it isn't in the title of the entry anymore, possibly only on this thread? I'll have another peek

Sorry, you're right about the Duck. It's in the conversation thread title, but not the article. I thought somehow it would change with the title, but that's silliness. Sorry.

Take your time with this. You're doing pretty well so far, and there's no hurry as long as you're still working on it. Rather take a little longer and get it right eh?

Friar

Well, I did some work on it last week, and a touch up on it yesterday (suddenly remembering I had this...), I' thnk I've gotten a little lost as to weather or not I've covered all teh points raised thus far, but I've put up the newer version so I don't forget to do so. Friar, I think I plagerized a little of what you wrote in a previous post; hope this is alright, but what you had wrote just seemed to say it.... *rushes off to fill in another job application

I don't Mind the plagarism at all . . . except you might want to tidy up *my* prose a bit. I didn't write very carefully in my post. You could certainly make the same info sound getter than better than i did.

otherwise, it's doing nicely. i'm mobile here, but i'll reread the entry when i'm not looking at a 3 inch screen.

Friar