h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Barracks is a low-slung building, painted an obnoxious industrial green. It is mostly concrete, and features an outer perimiter wall, three feet thick, monitered by four watch-towers on each corner. Inside, there are mess halls, sleeping quarters, a small armoury, and the survailence and millitary controls.*

*Walks in*

Hmm... interesting

cool

*Craxus slows to a stop on his motorcycle. Craxus gets off and hes about 500 meters away from the barracks, on top a of a hill. Craxus swings his sniper rifle from his back and lays down on the ground. Craxus takes his cloak and swings it over his body so noone can see him. I mean NO ONE can see him. He reachs for his cellphone which is in his pocket and presses a few numbers. Craxus puts his phone away and looks through his scope.*

*A shot can be heard from the distance as a guard falls dead to the ground. Craxus waits 2 minutes and fires again. He does this repeadily till his friends get here.

*Creeps over the back of the hill and crashes down beside Craxus in a fox-hole, prepared earlier*

*An incoming missile impacts the barracks creating a massive hole in the ground, Eastenders theme tune plays in the background*

*the APC carrying a flame-thrower, as promised by the base commander, tore around the corner and almost fell on its side, but it didn't. It rolled right up to where the Barraks had been. Instead of disgorging large sums of infantry, it turned its turret at the fox hole (whos ocupents it detects due to its life form sensors) and fires a 30 second streem of jellied gasolene at it.*

*Isard watches from a safe location, a grin on his face, and the thought: "I love fire" running through his head.*

*Upon command, soldiers run up and surround the burning foxhole. A soldier peers in, and activates his radio.*

[Soldier One] No one's in here, sir. No bodies, no remains... its like they weren't here.

[Soldier Two] ARRrrgggargle...

[Soldier One] What? Two? Hey, who's ther-

*Static plays over the line as the Soldiers are killed.*

Busy. Keep them off my back, Craxus. I'll be back on tomorrow.

Busy. Keep them off my back, Craxus. I'll be back on tomorrow.

*Craxus pulls the pin of a very small beeping device. He chucks it and slides his cloak over his body and Euans to protect them.*

Watch this Euan.

*Suddenly a large boom erupts hitting the tank and any other forces near the barracks.*

*there is the feeling of a slight intake of air, as if the world itself is sighing, and Jade pops into existance in a small puff of pale blue smoke*

Hey boys. What are we up to here, then?

*there is a small puff sound and then a clunk as a small ball lands next too Jade. It starts to sing a very pretty song as pink stun gas pours out of it and starts to spread up and accross the general area of the villains. The orb was fired by Isard from an unkown location.*

*puts BA on*

*Looks*

Hey, this pink stuff makes good camoflague

*Reaches over back, pulls out a TOW*

*Fires at nearest watch-tower*

*Uses cloud of gas to pass undetected to another nearby location*

*Jade decides to be a total and use her elvish magic (Cos that was a right cheep trick there, HDS. You b@stard.). She snaps her fingers and the ball stops playing the soothing music. The smoke emiting from it turns a very pale (and pleasant) shade of blue. Jade grins with the satisfaction of A Job Well Done, and then snaps her fingers once more. She dissapears.*

*Fred pulls up in his car and gets out as Euan sneeks off and Jade disappears.* Guys? Dang, I'm sure there seemed to be more people around here a minute ago.

*reapears behind Euan, tsking*

I'm going to go and find Isard. He's ticked me off. You just go do your thing, ya? *She pulls down her sunglasses so that her jade green eyes are just visible, winks theatrically, and snaps her fingers once more. She then dissapears. Once again. In a slight intake of air and a puff of light blue smoke.*

Sorry, that was Fred. Hi, Fred. *wave* Just replace that "Euan" with Fred, k? K.

what have I done to irk you so? "I am just a proffesional doing a job" (what movie?)

*Another grenade lands where Jade had just been, and it spits out more gas, only this time not colored. A sweet smelling gas that begs the breather to inhale more, only to knock them out.*

*After lobbing this grenade, Isard moves, so that Jade cannot find him by seeing the trajectory of the grenade.*