h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: General William Tecumseh Sherman - An Enigma - A87799801
Author: Florida Sailor Visit my Club at A87794248 - U235886

I believe I will offer this one now, there are probably a few points to be improved.

Flea Market Rescue (just barely)

Original
A2324738
Original Author
TLG (The American Civil War History Group). U515781

The primary part left in tact from the original is the section on the funeral (although I did have to add Joe Johnston' first name). I also added a footnote to explain who he was as this was the first part I added to the entry. I now mention him at several points in the text, but I am tempted to leave the footnote just because it is such an important point.

Let me first apologize - this is not a short entry; but I think the subject justifies its length. There is a great more that could be added, but I think this is enough for a Guide Entry

Any and all comments most welcome Please feel free to sing along!

F S

Excellent read well done

Hi
great that you could rescue this!

I have a few problems with understanding:

First of all I really have problems with the geography of all that. I think the finished Entry should have a map if possible.

'Although one of the most fierce battles was fought near the Shiloh meeting house, ...'
What is the Shiloh meeting house? Is Shiloh a village or town?

I don't understand how Sherman suddenly was at Vicksburg when he was somewhere else a paragraph earlier. Did he want to go there all the time?

Who is Bragg?

What is 'the disaster at Missionary Ridge'?

'On 18 July, 1864 Joe Johnston relinquished his command to Confederate General Hood. '
Who? What?

Who is Robert E Lee?

The part about 'The Years Following the War' is a complete mystery to me. I have no idea what all that means. Especially the middle paragraph.

'On 8 February 1884, Sherman officially retired from the army and moved to New York City.'
Although you guve his date of birth at the top of the Entry it would be good to mention here how old he was at that time.

How could Sherman put Native Americans into reservations if you first say the government didn't want reservations?


and some other things:

In the first part of the Entry you sometimes say 'William' instead of 'Sherman', I think you should change that.
Also it's 'Adolf' Hitler, not 'Adolph'.

The best written and best understandable part of this Entry is the March to the Sea.

Thanks Tav

You gave me the exact type of input I was looking for.

The American Civil War can get quite confusing, most of the battles have different names that are used by each side, even today

The reason I switched between William and Sherman, was an attempt to separate the boy from the man, boys are generally known by their first names, while adults use the surname. If you think this is confusing I will review.

I probably put too much attention on the where and what, at the expense of the why. I shall attempt to clarify, hopefully without going too far afield

I think I got the Chancellor mixed up with the meat tenderizer

I will be addressing everything in the Entry, but I wanted to acknowledge your comment first, it may take a day or two.



F S

I'm happy that it helps you. Take your time.

Aha. Sherman's a topic and a half. Thanks for taking on the old .

Tav has good points - just because we know what history we're walking over, doesn't mean any Europeans will have a clue.

A few things I noticed first time through:

>>His father was a prominent lawyer, who had met the great Shawnee Chief Tecumseh, who was latter killed in the Battle of the Thames on 5 October, 1813.<<

That sentence confused ME. And I think I know what you meant.

How about:

'Sherman's father, a prominent lawyer, had once met the great Shawnee Chief Tecumseh. Tecumseh was killed on 5 October, 1813, at the Battle of the Thames. '

Another'n:

>>As the commander of a state military school, the state assumed that his loyalty would be to the state, and began giving him instructions about how to act after the state had declared its independence. <<

Ditto. 'The sstate' isn't 'the commander'. How about:

'The state government assumed that Sherman, as commander of the military school, would remain loyal to his state, and began giving him instructions on how to act after the state had declared its independence.'

- I don't know if you want to work in a link to A87748258 - The Varied Carols of Henry Clay Work. It has a link to 'Marching Through Georgia'. Work was responsible for this and other musical monstrosities.

- I also don't know if you want to mention that nobody in Vicksburg would celebrate the 4th of July for 80 years after that surrender.

- It might be nice to work in there some explanation of what role Sherman's actions had in helping Lincoln's re-election campaign. (Most people will assume it was a done deal, and it wasn't, not by a long chalk.)

Hi Tav and Dmitri

I think I have addressed your concerns, I tried to change my voice a little into more guide than encyclopedia (thank you Jiminy Cricket)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy2jWJtO3lE

I really don't want to try to fight the whole war here.

I wonder if it might be better to pull the section on 'Organizations and Battles' into its own entry, as it should be referenced by any Entry on the subject

I am getting concerned on word-count, I would rather not split this one.

F S

I think putting the battles into a separate entry would be a very good idea.

Hi, how is this coming along? Did you make a decision on the battles, FS?

GB

I did GB;

My entry 'Confusing the Situation -Naming Conventions in the American Civil War' A87805939
is currently awaiting a Sub Editor.

I was holding off editing the offending paragraph until I had conformation of the new 'A' number.

Looked it up, changes made


<cheers
F S

FS

GB

Unfortunately I only had time to get about halfway through this during my lunch (half)hour, but by no means should you take that as criticism of length! Fascinating stuff here!

I noticed a few grammatical errors and incomplete sentences. As I was also having my lunch, I didn't stop to note them. It's been so long since I've dabbled in PR... are we still pointing these out to authors, or are we leaving them for Subs?

Anyway, I hope to get back to the rest of this soon! And although I'm mostly familiar with the geography, I like Tav's suggestion of a map.

Hi broelan

Thanks for the comments

>I noticed a few grammatical errors and incomplete sentences. As I was also having my lunch, I didn't stop to note them. It's been so long since I've dabbled in PR... are we still pointing these out to authors, or are we leaving them for Subs?

The current policy seems to be that only errors that make the thought hard to understand should be pointed out in PR. I believe this is intended to not discourage new Researchers from contributing.

On the other hand, as I have been through this process more than 2 dozen times, I would love to read your every comment so I can polish this in my own way before we thrust it into the Sub-Editor's hands

Good to see you back here

F S.

If broelan is still around, it would be really helpful if she could assist FS to polish up this Entry while it is still under his control. This is really helpful to our sub-editors, as FS is an experienced writer and it will not faze him to fiddle with a few stray grammar improvements.


I suggest if broelan is not around, we accept this without delay.


Lanza/Guide Ed

Sorry!
I'll go have another look now, shall I?

Here's a start. Should be in chronological order from the top.

Where was he born? First location mentioned is a move to Lancaster, Ohio, and several other moves are mentioned, but not his birthplace.

"In May of 1861 Sherman was commissioned as a Colonel in the regular army and assigned to the 13th regiment." After some brief research, I believe this is incorrectly capitalized. I think it should be "In May of 1861 Sherman was commissioned as a colonel in the regular Army and assigned to the 13th Regiment." But I'm prepared to accept that I may be wrong. Army is inconsistently capitalized, if it is referring to the US Army it should be capitalized, if it is referring to *an* army, it should not. Probably choose one way of treating it throughout and make them all the same. Colonel should be capitalized if it is being used as his title, but not if it is designating his rank. 13th Regiment should be capitalized because it is the name of the regiment.

"Shortly after the disastrous battle Sherman was promoted to the rank of Brigadier General." likewise, should be brigadier general.

Last paragraph in the Start of the War segment ends with a comma, is that a typo or did you have more to add here?

You have referred to Army of the Cumberland and Department of the Cumberland. Same thing?

"As commander of the forces in the West," should be west.

"He observed tat the commanders in the east had one hundred and sixty thousand men under there command" observed THAT, one hundred sixty thousand (no 'and'), and under THEIR command.

"attack the Confederate Forces who had entered Kentucky" should be forces.

"On 1 May 1862 the Union secured the city of New Orleans" 1 May, 1862,

Where exactly is Vicksburg? Mississippi? My southern geography isn't as good as it should be...

"The armies advanced position was so deep into Southern territory meant its long supply line was vulnerable to attack." extra word here? Maybe "The army's advanced position so deep into Southern territory meant its long supply line was vulnerable to attack."

"On 4 July 1863 the city of Vicksburg surrendered" 4 July, 1863,

"He had fallen against the Confederate army at Chickamauga" Confederate Army

"The effective transfer of Grant to command all of the Union forces involved in the war." something missing here. "The promotion effectively placed Grant in command..."? Maybe?

and a few more...

"near the town of Dalton Georgia" Dalton, Georgia,

"After the battle of Kennesaw Mountain Sherman found himself" Kennesaw Mountain, Sherman...

"By 1 September Sherman was on the south side of the city" By 1 September, Sherman...

"Hood was blowing up his ammunition stores and the rail road equipment(8) The resulting fires raged through the city with few left to control them By dawn Atlanta was in union hands," missing a few full-stops. After the footnote 8, and after 'left to control them.'

"When Hood moved north to block Sherman's escape back through the mountains An attack on Savannah, at the far side of the state, became an obvious alternative." Is there something missing here? Should there be something between 'mountains' and 'An attack', or is the capitalization an error?

"With his troops to the west well instructed, and his army as well supplied as practical the 'Grand March' began to the East on 10 November." comma in the wrong place? Should be after 'practical'. Also, eash shouldn't be capitalized.

"Sherman' march might well have been seen as an illegal act." Sherman's

"All were permitted at the desecration of the division commanders," Um, discretion?

"On 23 November Sherman arrived" 23 November, Sherman (there are other dates that need the same correction)

"After putting the torch to the storehouses and ransacking the public buildings. The invading army once more entered the countryside." Should be one sentence?

"The defender's fought valiantly," defenders

"A lesser man might have request transports for his victorious troops" requested

"His main objective was to re-enforce Grant's Army" Grant's army

Footnote 9 "Probably the most respected general in the war RE Lee had spent most of the was defending the Confederate Capital at Richmond Virginia." was should be war, and a comma between Richmond and Virginia.

"There was even a concern that Robert E Lee(9) would send a large part of his army south to meet the new threat, It was even considered that Lee, himself, might lead them." Repetition of the word 'even', also looks like originally this was two sentences, maybe?

"Public, Industrial and rail road buildings were to be destroyed" industrial

"As the last of the confederate troops abandoned the town" Confederate

"to force the Native Americans to rely on the government for substance." Is this correct? Or should it be sustenance?

"or only his own resignation that he desired no higher office, they should remain a part of his legacy." 'resignation doesn't seem the right word... insistence, maybe? resolution?

"...he would not put his hat on", Johnston died ten days later of Pneumonia." put his hat on." (full stop, not a comma) also, pneumonia.

"entry into World War II The status of its military preparedness" World War II, the status

"it was decided that a better tank could be developed by sacrificing armour thickness and the size of the main gun for greater speed and manoeuvrability. The model 'M4' When the time came to give the new model its name" a little disjointed, maybe 'manoeuvrablility, the model 'M4' was developed. When the time came...

Sorry that was all somewhat long!

Several years ago I was at Lookout Mountain. Wish now I had paid better attention to the historical markers. Beautiful place.

>Where was he born? First location mentioned is a move to Lancaster, Ohio, and several other moves are mentioned, but not his birthplace.

Added birthplace, this not completely clear, however many site list him as a native of Lancaster,, Ohio, which is clearly untrue.


>Where exactly is Vicksburg? Mississippi? My southern geography isn't as good as it should be...

Added a footnote

>"The armies advanced position was so deep into Southern territory meant its long supply line was vulnerable to attack." extra word here? Maybe "The army's advanced position so deep into Southern territory meant its long supply line was vulnerable to attack."

Reworded

>Sorry that was all somewhat long!

So is the entry

>Several years ago I was at Lookout Mountain. Wish now I had paid better attention to the historical markers. Beautiful place.

Many years ago I spent a night in a motel in Chattanooga. I could see Lookout Mountain from the front balcony and Missionary Ridge from the rear window.

Thank you for all your input, these are the sort of things we read over and keep seeing what we meant instead of what we wrote

F S

*Sends a virtual hug to broelan* It's really good to have this sort of help in Peer Review. Thank you!

Is this Entry finished now?