h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am so different from my younger self.

The young me was a cute, sweet, innocent, blond little girl who wore pretty dresses all the time. I loved everyone and everyone loved me. Even I would love the little me, I was so cute! I was loveable and adorable and... well, you get the idea. I had dreams of being an astronaut and going to the moon and mars, and I knew exactly what I wanted from life.

I don't know what happened, but I changed.

Homeschooling for a few years was a factor. I had a horrid curriculum that I hated, and I grew to detest schoolwork and became lazy. As a result, if an class requires an extensive amout of outside work, I am basically screwed.

Going to that private school for 8th grade was a factor. I was the only new kid, but somehow certain people didn't know my name by the end of the year. Most of the people who *did* learn my name only did so because of a rumor spread about me that resulted in the entire class hating me for a week. I grew to not care what others thought about me and to say "bah" to style and all that goes with it. I haven't willingly worn a dress since, except for Christmas Eve, and I only did that so I could spend the evening with my boyfriend.

My high school was definitely a huge factor. After refusing to go back to that private school, I was sent to a school in a terrible neighborhood (read; it was GHETTO like a mug ) because it had an advanced academics program. I lost a lot of my shyness and innocent naiveté to toughness, cynicism, and sarcasm. I learned to deal with (and loathe) stupid people in large quantities. I made some crazy friends and learned to do crazy things myself, like filling cars with popcorn and braiding yarn into my hair. I learned to experement in music, and as a result I have a very eclectic taste in music, from synthpop to celtic music to punkska. I also met my boyfriend, whome I love very very much; quite possibly, this is the best thing that's happened to me. In the middle of high school, I suddenly realized that I didn't really want to be an astronaut... and that I didn't know what I wanted to be. It scared me, but I thought it through and decided to major in comp sci, simply because it interests me and I could do it for a living.

A lot has changed in me, but the best/worst part is that I am only 17... I still have a long way to go. I wonder what the future brings and how I will change. It really makes one think, to look back and then look forward...

Good luck Jesso.

One of the things that life has taught me is that whatever happens to you, you always learn something from it.

Some pretty crap stuff has happened to me over the years too but I reckon it's made me a better person than I might be today.

My brother made an interesting observation about the people he'd gone through school with. The ones who'd been 'Golden Boys' or Golden Girls' ie popular, good looking etc - after they left school, never actually amounted to much. The lack of adversity in their early years hadn't tempered them for the kind of stuff the real world throws at you. On the other hand, the guys who'd had a hard time of it at school- been on the receiving end of bullying, felt permanently on the edge of things - they're the ones who are now making a success of their lives.

Looking back to when I was 17 - a pretty long time ago - there might be a few things I would do differently now - but not too many.

As an old Chinese proverb says - Live each day as if it were your last but plan your life as if you'll live forever.

i agree good luck. The world needs people like you.

I'm 27 now and a teacher in a school yet when i was in school myself I was the quiet shy guy that always sits at the front of the class and never really got involved.

Then at 17 just before the state exams, actually on the day of one of them my mother passed away due to cancer. Up to that point I was unsure what i wanted to do with my life. I know that my mother wanted me to go to college and do something. And to be the firts of her children to go to further education. After that my mind was made up. I went to college and now am successful in my job. My two younger brothers are also in successful jobs. Yet i've recently met guys i went to school with who are still in the same crap jobs that they started when they left school. I think you need to have something to challenge you to do something different.

I'm not the person I was and in fact these same friends have literally walked past me in the street because i've changed so much.

Everyone needs to change and at 12 or 14 or 17 if your life is mapped and planned then life would be very boring. Its the changes and the unexpected that make life worth living.

Interesting. I think the young me would be disappointed. The current me is the one who cries when I look at a particular picture of myself from nursery school. I have such a big smile, such wide eyes, and such faith that life would always be as good to me as it was then. I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

I'm told I was an extremely happy child. As far back as I can remember, I've been depressed. The event that coincides with the beginning of my memories is the break-up of my parents. If asked, I would have told you (up until recently) that since I was so young when it happened, it just wasn't a big deal. Looking at my life, it's pretty obvious that I was wrong.

I always felt "less than" and "not a part of". I finally figured out how to enjoy school by my senior year of high school and college were some of the best years of my life. Then I graduated. Then I got lost.

My addiction took off - I had lots of dreams but no plans to make them happen. I spent most of my twenties drunk, high, making a fool of myself and the people who loved me - and that's just the bits that I remember.

Fast forward 12 years to today - I have seven years clean and a safe, secure government job. I've been to Europe, Hawaii, and lots of places in the continental US (I live in Maryland). I have lots of friends. I'm close to my family. I'm buying my first home. I lost 35 pounds.

But I'm not living any of my dreams - I don't sing or write for a living; I'm not in a relationship. I still live in my hometown. I gained 35 pounds back. I have a life with no risk - no chance-taking. I still tell myself there's plenty of time to try to make my dreams come true - then I go home from work, lay in bed, and watch TV or talk to the 'puter.

Maybe the young me would cry.

Some times i sit at home on a friday night alone and say to myself i wish i was more outgoing and confident so that i could go out and meet someone. I wish i could sing, dance, play a musical instrument, write but i'm not good at any of these. But F### it this is my life i'm healty, I like my job. I have few friends but they're good people and are good friends that i can rely on when things are tough. My life is good. It's not perfect but who's life is. I'm happy with the lot I've been delt hardship and all because i've been able to learn from it. I'm not preaching but i just wish that some people would not be so hard on themselves and simply look around once in a while at the good things that they've got. Because in later life it's the good things that you remember.

You dont remember the fights, just the happy times. An example and this is personal. My strongest memory of my childhood is sitting on my fathers lap after he came in from work and to my eyes he was putting his hands into the fire to warm his hands before using his hands to warm my feet.

I think this question is essentially asking; how do you judge yourself. You can see things in a negative light, or in a positive way, like the guy who posted above saying his mother died on the day of one of his exams, but that made up his mind what he wanted to do. The point is, most of the time, it's your choice how you react to things like that.

If there was something I was no good at, I wouldn't think of it like that. I'd think: that's a skill I haven't acquired yet. There are very few things you can't achieve if you put your mind to it. For instance, when I was at school I was a bit weedy but now I'm a hard-as-nails kickboxer. I think that would have surprised me.

On the question of wasting your youth, I'd say, be careful. Sometimes you only get one chance, and as far as possible, you have to take it. For instance, when I speak to people who said that they spent most of their degree course in the pub, I think, oh no, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, you'll probably never get another chance to learn like that.

I think mini-me would be quite surprised at how I turned out, but mostly in a nice way.

The younger me probably wouldn't cry, but she would be at least mildly confused. I remember having a conversation with my mom when I was about 8, concerning drugs - I stated vehemently that drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes were all BAD (in that completely convinced tone that only children have). I'm typing this on half a bottle of Nyquil (10% alcohol cough syrup): tastes like s*** but it works.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a teacher and I always studied for tests and did my homework. Now, I don't study (but still ace tests) and rarely even bother to do my homework (but the teachers never seem to notice). Half my friends are oblivious stoners and the other half are disaffected cynics who write poetry about suicide between the depressing entries in their DeadJournals (I fall into the latter category).

The sad thing is I'm 14.

Hi there Jessie -

I was in a position like that once. Your education is calibrated for people with less intelligence than you. This is depressing. As you get older, you will find the education moves closer to your level. It might not ever get to your level, but this is not as bad as it sounds. At least you won't have to stress over exams and you can get away with dtinking a lot at lunchtime.

Fortunately, even if you are spat out of the end of academia thinking that it's all a bit of a hollow laugh at your expense, some companies in the real world will pay handsome money for people with enormous brains. They will also give you things to do that are more interesting than working in a kebab shop. My philosophy is: if you're going to be miserable anyway, you may as well have a soft job which pays you stacks of cash for being an intellectual.

I suppose the upside of drinking cough-syrup is that you never have to worry about getting a sore throat. But that is another conversation.

BB

If only . . .

I've become a hardened old cynic, mainly because just about everything I've looked forward to has sadly disappointed me. High school - maybe I'll actually learn something! Nope. Instead, I'm in classes with a bunch of idiots. In my English Honors class, half of them are failing simply because they don't turn in their homework, the teacher has no imagination, and just about anything I do gets an automatic A.

The rest of my classes are just as bad . . . I'm just waiting until I'm a junior, because then they'll let me take half my classes at the college nearby. Maybe that will help a bit.

I wish I had done more, tried harder, hadent become so lazy, hadent enjoyed that first can of lager so much, but I did and I can't change it. But i never wanted to be megga rich, i'm would be happy with a good looking lover, friends and a car that starts. I don't have a lover at all, not many friends and I don't have a car. Life suxx and sometimes like now, i can accept it, other times i'd rather be dead. But i'm not old, so I guess I still have time to change it.

I've been having counselling for a year now. I've had depression for a long time and it was exacerbated by the fact that I was convinced I had nothing to be depressed about. Happy childhood, loving family etc. Blessed really. My sister never liked me tho'. She always put me down and made me feel not good enough. Low-self esteem the inevitable result, I guess, as she's older than me and therefore "better" (warped childhood thinking). My parents were also over-protective, I think, so I had a very sheltered up-bringing. Felt completely unable to face the world and be accepted when I wass 16, so I stayed on to do my A-levels.

Growng up is hard, even when things seem ok. Sometimes you don't get to make sense of things until you're an adult. Sometimes you just have to accept you're never going to sort every little mess out. I don't feel like I've changed much from who I was as a child. I was going to be a teacher. When I completed my A-levels tho' I was too scared to go to Uni, so I got a job and stayed living at home.

I always wanted to be somebody else I guess. Someone "popular", outgoing, the "life-and-soul". Everything I was too shy or lacked the confidence to be. I think my depression was partly caused by the fact I hadn't moved on from my childhood self-perception. So yes, the young me spends time crying at what I didn't become.

I made the decision at 25 that I couldn't carry on with so much isolation, hate, depression, suicidal thoughts.But going for counselling, while it has been the absolute hardest thing I have ever done so far, is definitely the best decision I have ever made. Altho' I still have a way to go - a lot of pent up anger and frustration (in which case Nirvana is pretty cool!)- I am beginning to see myself as the smart, funny, loving person that I'd kept hidden away. Afraid no-one would like me.

Whatever age a person is, tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of their life (twee but true). Each person holds in their hands the power to change and shape their future. It can be scary. No, it will be scary, but there won't be regret for never having taken the risk. I feel proud that I stepped off the edge of what I knew.

May be the young me will stop crying.

Banana xx

Hey Banana -

You star. I'm so glad to read your posting. Although what you're doing at the moment might feel like hell its so worthwhile. Basically I think you're defined by your attitude to depression. You can either accept it, or struggle against it. It's much harder to fight it, but it's the only way forward.

Most people don't have to do this, so by going through this process you can accomplish remarkable things. I wish you all the best

BB

Thanks so much, BB.

BB said "It's much harder to fight it, but it's the only way forward."

Amen. My mother found a saying that we both love. 'Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says "I will try again tomorrow."' People who don't live with depression don't often get it. Or, as Jon Bon Jovi once wrote, "You live for the fight when that's all that you've got."

Yes.. quite... '...Wooo-ooh, half way there' etc.

Sorry for not replying sooner, people have been giving me too much work. Yes, exactly. It doesn't have to be big things, even wee things can seem impossible when you're down, but if you fight with this you discover big reservoirs of courage & strength that you never knew you had. Other people have to run marathons and stuff like that to find out these things about themselves. Us lot can get that without the hint of a nasty blister!

BB