h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

or should I say what I'd really like would be

1. A nice set of Gills, make getting my Diving Gear into Hand luggage alot easier
2. Somewhere to plug my Laptop......or maybe just a modem
3. A nightlight
4. and as we're going for it..........some sort of coffee dispenser

Educate yourself to become legalized gynecologist, make yourself a wormhole through space dating some x years back [depending on your current age], meet up with your mom, add a bit of DNA-degenerating items [radiating material of your liking would do, for one] onto the position where your ears are to be located and do this continuously during week 10-15 of your embryonical stage [and while you're at it; recircuit your vascular system fish-wise] and Tadaa! gills.

I'd add a flashlight to my navel and a portable micro-powerplant to my ear supporting a tiny stereo and my in-built brain-homecinema, too. But that's just me.

me