h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So now you're in the Westcountry is it all tweeds, Barbour wax jackets, beer bellies and beards?

The town I live in is surrounded by Somerset but its like a working class northern town with a soft southern accent dropped bang in the middle. People say what they think here but a few miles out they'll say what they think you want to hear in that horrible middle middle class way. I live in the part with the mixed race kids(mostly mine!!!)the one parent families and the satellite dishes. Its not a poor neighbourhood really and everone keeps their houses very clean and tidy except for the obvious druggies. Suits me because its quirky and people say things like 'back along'.

In theory it's great when people say what they think, but I find that they are usually wrong and should just shut up. Or is that just Catchphrase? The Satellite-Dishes, are they the double-barrelled materialist family that live next door?

Sounds nice though, and handy for drugs and cheese. What more could you want for on a rainy Tuesday night except a good-sized stockpile of smallpox ad foot and mouth vaccine.

Thats right mock! just because youve got a double fronted garage and a mock tudor cat.

How wrong you are again! My house is made of 140 tonnes of crack cocaine and imported killing fields bones. There is a lot of suffering in the structure of my house.

I do own a solid gold life sized owl which I wear around my neck like Jimmy Saville, I have been rooted to the same spot for 6 and a quarter years and unable to go for help.

What is a satellite dish anyway? Are they those floral decorations found outside those houses. You know the ones, those houses which are above other houses. It's always puzzled me, where do they keep their land? I can't see it anywhere, not a tree, lake or field in sight.

you've never been a flattie?! Able to shut the door and be several floors off the ground safe from hawkers,jw's and the betterware catalogue. I feel sorry for you despite your priviledged(so i can't spell today.And?) semi detatched beans on toast for supper cub- scouts on thursday evening upbringing.

What does semi-detached mean?

Is that when one's house shares a driveway? I used to live in one of those when I was a kid, about 3 miles down the driveway we had a gatekeepers house before you got to the family castle.

get thee behind me you public school scum.You and your fellow rugger types punting on the Cam one day and down Walthamstow dog-track the next. I went to school in Surrey and how much more street can you get than that....

Surrey! You poor poor thing. My prayers are with you. I got thrown out of the University of Surrey after 6 months. I am so incredibly glad. I shall never step foot in Guildford again, the most soulless, vaccuous town on earth populated by Daily Mail types and their kids who drive around in ghetto-fabulous Vauxhall Novas playing Linkin Park and Nickelback. Oh the voice of youth, what has happened. They are all Disney-disaffected these days. Makes me sick, In my day if we were p****d off we had to listen to the Velvet Underground and cut ourselves.

it was always difficult not to laugh.I wanted to say so you've got money and a nice car? My Uncle shoots with Lord Falmouth and my cousins own a small town in Cornwall,all bar the bowling alley and the place wetherspoons took over.But all they saw was our large family and my mothers total disinterest in moving further up the hill.

You have had a truly lucky escape then!

Surrey University is a horrible campus. I used to pretend to do Economics and go there for things.I would have left there on the spot had I got in just to prove my point.Sadly Laurence llyewellan(f**k,I really can't spell today) was not then up to re-designing entire faculties like he is today.

I was doing Economics (supposedly)and I went to about 10 lectures usually stoned out of my mind to cope with its dreadfulness. I lived underneath the Omen cathedral (how interesting Guildford!) and hated every minute and was fortunate to get out before I went into breakdown territory.

I recovered nicely and had 3 years by the seaside to mend my head! I wish I could remember the name of the lecturers, there was a sour-faced miserable little woman who had been there since the 13th century and used to make me laugh when I was particularly bateesh with her monotonous waffle about supply-side aggregate demand curves and neo-Keynesian demand-side blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Hateful.

Just remembered, I worked in the Tescos there for about a month before scarpering with a months pay and a months advance. I used to serve Sue Barker her ham at 10 in the morning with some killer red-eye. She didn't suspect a thing, although she got stroppy when I dropped it on the floor and then tried to give it to her anyway.

i once worked at Sainsburys ,Earls Court.I used to get very drunk at about ten oclock in the morning so I cope.A couple of hours on the checkout sobered me up pretty fast,I can tellyou. It was one of those miserable periods in my life when I had no idea what I was doing.

It sounds like one of those things that seems quite fun at the time and hindsight shows how bad things really were. I found it really good fun to live with such utter disregard for myself and everything going on round me fortunately my friends helped me out at the time and saw I was alright, I find myself wanting to relive the old glory days sometimes and go on a month-long binge of hedonism, but I have a nagging feeling that it would be a terrible idea.