It only hurts when I read...
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
ESCAPE POD DREAMS
It only hurts when I read....
Matters of unsubstantiated nutritional value explained to you in terms that will make fasting easier in this highly charged religious season of denial and dedanube.
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Please find enclosed a short introduction to the world of Irritating Public Radio, a small pirate station that broadcasts from a floating set of radio-controlled yachts, barges and dorries in a tiny private pond in a tiny but well-tended botanical park somewhere south of Denmark.
Irritating Public Radio is dedicated and committed to the dissemination and diffusion of news, information and other generally irritating items of education, entertainment and erudition.
The Board of Directors, who meet in closed session with velvet bags over their heads, have never shirked from the original Mission Statement, which, in part, reads (but cannot write):...it is the express purpose of this incorporated non-profit limited holding to make tax write-offs for large international and multi-national corporations as easy as pie. It is further to be stated that as long as we delineate our portion of the airwaves, no stone will be unturned in the search for the least commercial and least interesting programming that can be found by the touts that the holding's solicitors will retain by order of this Board...
Pretty much says it all, doesn't it? But rest assured, that, no matter how hard one seeks to manufacture mediocrity, that a few diamonds, by comparison, will never fail to shine among the dross.
We invite you on a journey to find those diamonds.
Welcome to Irritating Public Radio, Your Friends In The Air.
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Please also find enclosed a partial evening of scattered programs, as a sample of how your listening pleasure can be reduced to a dull roar if you turn the wireless speaker to face the far wall:
12:08 PM: I thought you wanted it that way! by Pepin the Shirt
12:27 PM: Crossing Wires: An Encounter With A Real Psychic
by Jackie Murrieta, wearing a bulletproof bikini with a smile
1:45 PM: PSA from the Golgotha College Director of Student Health and Hygiene
by Ian P. Blurd
1:47 PM: Poor Boy Doesn't Know What Hit Him 2 by Dame Grace Williams
1:49 PM: Time and Temperature by Three Tenors and a Riverdance
That concludes our programming at this time. Tune in next week when we will hear the Censor say,"My Gran can write better than this in a coma!"
Oh, by the way, a couple of congratulations are in order:
To Mr. John Agggag, of Halifax, Novia Scotia, happy to hear that one of your brood has escaped the nest.
To a Munchen tech writer: Soon, it will be your turn, too.
To the man with a new house: I hope you looked in the attic!
From Binky to all the Gang down at the CAC Laundry: A little starch goes a long way!
And finally,
To Father Martin and Sister Alexis: That was me that put the itching powder in the font... Sorry.
To Mr. John Agggag, of Halifax, Novia Scotia, happy to hear that one of your brood has escaped the nest.
To a Munchen tech writer: Soon, it will be your turn, too.
To the man with a new house: I hope you looked in the attic!
From Binky to all the Gang down at the CAC Laundry: A little starch goes a long way!
And finally,
To Father Martin and Sister Alexis: That was me that put the itching powder in the font... Sorry.
