Irritato Publicorice Radisho, Your Cabbage In The Air, Presents:

Last Chance To Change The Frequency!

The sub-musical show, broadcast on a five-day delay from the Parish Hall in Earmont, Virginia, and hosted by our mid-atlantic co-despondent Mr. Pleon Triedes!

Sound FX: scattered applause in lighted shower stalls

Mr. Triedes: Glad to be here and glad you're here, too. Sorry our listeners couldn't be here, because that would have given them an excuse not to listen to the broadcast. From what I hear, at the rate the infection spreads, you here in the live audience should just about be getting out of the contagious phase just about the time the home listener is getting his dose...

Mr. Triedes: Yes, yes, yes. That's right folks. Two more minutes left in the show. Happy, happy people. That's what you are.
Anyway, here is tonight's performer/writer/rug cleaner, Miss Arrla De Groot!

Ms. De Groot: Shall I sing now?
Mr. Triedes: Don't you have anything to say in the way of an introduction?
Ms. De Groot: No. That's why I stood over there while you were giving the introduction.
Mr. Triedes: What is it I always say, folks?
Audience: Everybody and his dog wants to be a comedian!
Mr. Triedes: That's right, folks, don't touch that dial! The way we're going, it'll fall off the wireless on it's own, out of...
Ms. De Groot: Shall I sing now?
Mr. Triedes: Can you?

Ms. De Groot: Thus, my song:


You picked up the kitchen,

you took out the trash,

you picked up the kid

and tapped off your ash...

When I asked why you didn't

move my boots from the driveway

before you drove over them,

you said:


I thought you wanted it that way,

Who'm I to question what you do?

I thought if I left it that way,

You wouldn't ask me about it, too.


Okay, if that's the way you're gonna be,

you just wait and see,

the next time the cat gets

caught in the disposal,

the next time there's

a hole in your overalls

and you ask me about in

that special way,

I'll say:


I thought you wanted it that way!

Who'm I to question what you do?

I thought if I left it that way,

You wouldn't ask me about it, too.


Once upon a time

I wasn't married

And things seemed to make sense

and the truth seemed unburied,

But then I got hitched,

And time dropped a stitch

For a year and a day,

The first time I

Heard you say:



I thought you wanted it that way!

Who'm I to question what you do?

I thought if I left it that way,

You wouldn't ask me about it, too.



Now, common sense isn't

always logical

and an orange is

not a brick,

but my world turns knockwurst

and I feel a bit sick

when you try a stupid trick

and your mouth begins to spray:



I thought you wanted it that way!

Who'm I to question what you do?

I thought if I left it that way,

You wouldn't ask me about it, too.



When you find your stamps

in the cold cream

and the dog decorates

your shoe and you scream,

I will assume the face

of the innocent

and be as angelic



as I seem

and, then, scout's honor,

I will pray:



I thought you wanted it that way!

Who'm I to question what you do?

I thought if I left it that way,

You wouldn't ask me about it, too.

Mr. Triedes: Well, well, well, if that wasn't a little slice of musical heaven... Then we're all agreed. Well, anyway, this has been Mr. Pleon Triedes, coming to you from the Parish Hall in Earmont, Virigina, with "Last Chance To Change The Frequency!", a sub-musical show brought to you by Irritating Public Radio, Your Rhubarb In the Air! Tune in next week when we will be somewhere else, forcing you to listen to someone else. Good night, Gracie, wherever you are!"