h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi..just thought id come n say hello.Have started to forge what love is since the love of my life ran off with an OLDER! woman last summer!...lol

Mmm. My ex ran off with an older woman too. I'm now in my first proper relationship (well, it's a fledgling one at the moment - feels good though) for seven years.

Is a real ego basher isnt it when they go off with someone 18 years older than you (but only 5 years older than them) who looks a bit lke a cross between Pat Butcher and the woman from the high voltage video! hmmmmmmmm

Oh dear. Meeaou

In my case, I thought the woman was the symptom, not the cause. In retrospect, I can see that things were not right and we were not communicating properly.

In retrospect I see that he was just a very manipulative,control freaky, using type n I shouldve listened to my friends n dumped him about a year beforehand!....

Seriously though,im not bitter or anything..got all that out of my system with some counselling (that i was having for other reasons too).I just wish i couldve been stronger n not have let him treat me how he did for so long.Glad to hear youve met someone nice ..hope it all works out well for you. I can still be a bit cynical about the idea of being with someone else at the mo.

Well, it has probably taught you a lot and freed up up to meet someone nicer and better for you!

My friend was telling me yesterday that he thought he'd never meet anyone spiritual and desirable at the same time. I had thought the same.

Awwww thats sweet .Someone cute who could laugh at my eccenricity (in a nice way!) and put up with my insecuritites would do me fine!..

Hi JustMe!
Glad you found your way here to the Temple of .



I'm sorry to hear that your has been a bit battered recently, but I'm glad to hear that you've got any bitterness out of your system. Apart from Fear, being bitter and resentful is the biggest barrier to receiving love that there is. And it's *so* easy to fall into! I think that it's a process that has to be gone through sometimes as a sort of learning process. Just as long as we come out the other side!


Maybe the fact that you feel that you can still be a bit cynical about being with someone else is a sign that you're not ready to be, for one reason or another?

One of my clients said to me yesterday that he's only just realised that like attracts like.... which has made him realise that he really isn't ready yet to be in a relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who is in the same state of mind that he currently finds himself in.

So what is your idea of the 'ideal' partner? (or one that is less than ideal, but is at least passable... )

Hi again Fynn .Yes I found my way here through the link you left in my Womens Health thread a few months ago(i wasnt here for a LONG time).

Well my ideal would be Tobey Maguire ..but unforunately thats just not got happen..
So id settle for some who as i said before can cope with all my little insecurities and eccentricities,appreciates my sense of humour (not always easy!)and has a similar one themselves..errrr..thinking now! (cant say ive ever really thought about this!)..has similar tastes to me (ie stuff in common),likes kids, etc etc...i spoke to an strolger once who said ideally id need a cancer.

And yes youre right..im not ready for a relationship..i know that..have got to the point where sometimes i think i might like one though.The counselling has worked wonders for me..i had big issues left over from year ago that needed working through as well as other stuff. Im still seeing her regularly...but ive go to the point where ive started to see how irrational some of the beliefs ive had
abou myself and the world actually are!..n how much of my pown probs have probably been caused by no one but me ! so i guess thats a good start!

oooh god do i need typing lessons!...lol

Forgive me for not remembering, JustMe!
I have a brain like the proverbial sieve!

I think its good to have a clear idea as to what you are looking for in a prospective partner, then you are more likely to recognise them when they do step your way.
It also makes you realise when you are attatching yourself to someone way less than ideal!


It's good to hear that you've found counselling so beneficial.

I resisted having counselling for some heavy issues for years, despite working with counsellors and referring other people to them. When I finally did go, I found it such a relief to just talk to someone not involved in the whole sorry mess and unburden myself from some of my limiting belief patterns.

It sounds like you've had a very important realisation that the person that creates most of the problems for us in Life is none other than ourselves. Did you find it as liberating as I did I wonder??


Oh, and good luck with finding Toby Maguire...

i know..im
strange..lol am always getting ripped by my friends for my taste..lol

I have found it pretty liberating yes.Ive always been plagued with really poor self esteem thanks to having a pretty rotton dad who delighted in tellling me everyday from the age of 13 or so how i was useless,would be a failure and was far too ugly to ever be loved!..coupled with a fair bit of bullying at school for being the quiet ,overweight kid with the lisp!. Of course i see know that the reason things my dad said seem to have come true my whole life (right up till now) is because ive probably made them a lot of the time by believing they would if that make sense!I also identified quite a few self sabotaging behaviours etc with the counsellor too.I can question and stand up to a lot of my negative beliefs about myself now (like being "worthless""ugly" and "unlovable")..but they havent gone totally.Im finally starting to like and appreciate myself the way i am...which im quite proud of! Im recommend seeing a counsellor to anybody!

Hi JustMe!

And so you *should* be proud of liking (and dare I say loving?) yourself...if you're not going to, how can anyone else?

We are all lovable beings to *at least* one other person in the world, so why should we not love ourselves??
It all boils down to self-esteem, or the idea that to love oneself is to be arrogant or tiresome in some other way.


Maybe we should make the decision to find something every day about our lives and ourselves that we like and love - there is little enough love in the world right now, so maybe if we can love ourselves and have love in our hearts, then there will be enough left over to spill out into this world that's holding it's breath and waiting for war.....
You never know, maybe we can all make a difference.
=

Hi Marvin!

Hi Leopardskinfynn - Keeper of Information...patron saint of star crossed lovers...

Wretched Valentine weekend...
Oh, well...

Hi Fynn

Hi Marvin

Think im still quite a way away from loving myself yet! And yeas it would be great to see a LOT more love in the world..i dont even watch the news anymore (havent for a LONG time) as i just end up getting so upsey at all the awful things i cant do anything about!..soppy i know but true!

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" John Lennon

Hmm, Valentine weekend.


I've never been a fan of this day - I can appreciate that we all could do with a bit of a celebration of in the depths of winter (now that the festive season is well and truly over with), but it all just seems so artificial and strained...
Why do we need a special day to share our love?? Do we measure someone's love for us by the tacky card that they send or the useless bit of tat that is bought and wrapped up in lewd, crude or downright tacky paper?

Give me spontaneity and originality anyday.

Means more when someone actually thinks about what YOUD like n its a surprise than just card n chocs once a year cos theyre supposed to doesnt it!...lol