h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"For every true Bob x, there must be an equal and opposite Bob y."
Dr. Deckchair Funderlink. "The Force of Bob" 1962.

If this is the case, and I think that it is obvious that Dr Funderlink's findings are indisputable, then, as well as one true Bob, there must be one false Bob also.

I no longer feel safe in my special cupboard.

sadly I fear we may be doomed, only nighthoover can save us now! Thanks for enlightenment!

Does nighthoover glow in the dark?
Otherwise, I fear we will never find him..
Not, that is, without the assistance of Dr. Funderlink's second law of suction..

Hmm, I I speak with no authority whatsoever, but, as far as our knowledge of nighthoover extends; none whatsoever, I think I would be correct in deducing, that, at the current time, and in the absence of information to the contry, that, nighthoover probably doesn't glow in the dark, or even at all I have a suspecion that this could be bad, very bad

What if we get a team of woodland creatures to sing to him, you know, calling his name..

Or if we hire some B rated TV personalities to throw moondust around, hoping that some might reveal a nighthooverish shillhouette.

Boy, am I glad I don't have to write shillhoutte too much in every day dealings.

Perhaps if we got the low down on nighthoover's hobbies and interests. Obviously, there's hoovering at night, though I don't know if that qualifies as a hobby- seems a bit wierd to me. Activity like that could get you ex-communicated in Mexico City.

However, if he does hoover at night, then he'll need a light on, so I suggest, tapping into the national grid and seeing where the electricity flow goes.

If only Funderlink was here now, he would be able to help us.

And indeed such help is what we need; especially in light of the recent people declairing themselfs to be nighthoover I just think they like playing with my mind though that is pressuming that i do* have a mind oh yes, we help must need

People have been declaring themselves to be then nighthoover?
What kind of insane world is this we live in?
Perhaps Rolf could help?
Or Carol Vorderman?

Well, if Rolf cannot help (he may have comittments he cannot just break), then I guess Carol Vorderman, or even Franky Vourne would be suitable substitutes, have you seen the "cancil" thread recently? It goes through periods of madness and speculation as each new nighthoover appears; and recently there has been a flurry of new people claiming to be nighthoover, and by my last count, using the advance search feature I've spotted at least 9 nighthoover's! Only one of which of course we can say with any degree of certanty is the true nighthoover, as the "u" numbers betray the lies of the imposters, though there is speculation as to weather or not one may indeed be the true prophet, testing our loyality through this method, or maybe nighthoover just forgot their password Oh, waht with this, and the worry of nighthoover, and the anti-Bopb I find it hard to concentrate on this nude statuette I bought yesterday its really very beautiful, and really not the kind of thing I'd normally buy, well it will be a talking point at dinner party's, if I ever have any I ought to get ready to brave whatever the weahter holds for me today and wondle up to college for another installment of boardum and snoring practise in lecture halls deesigned to prevent breathing at all costs, oh the joy oh the bliss, do they think they are taking the michael cane

We cannot bear to see Our high priest so distressed.

Shall We organize an Inquisition, and vacuum the heretics?

If I had a pound for every heretic that came knocking on my door, I'd have two pounds fifty by now. I say, leave em be. They are like small bits of paper in the suction hose of life. They make a bit of noise for a while and then they are gone, dissappeared into the Vortex - the Great Central Dustbag - a point of infinite space between somewhere and nowhere that only needs emptying twice a week.

I hear the church of Dyson is having a cake sale on Saturday. Lets ignore it. Maybe it will go away.

Father Timon of Athens is having a raffle for a new attatchment that will allow churchgoers to clean skirtingboards as well as floor tiles. Now that is a wonderfull idea. I wish I had thought of that. Perhaps more Zen Meditation Hoovering sessions.

Ahh the peace of a good brush up and a clean square of carpet.

The only sancitude I get is at night, when my hoover comes out and the suction commences.... And don't talk to me about those believers of the faulsehoods from the Church of Dyson, they had the nerve to knowck on my door last night, tried to sell me one of those horrible magizines of lies and damm lies; "the watchvaccume", why don't they all go away, and fancy, pledging their alligiance to some old guy in a forign county, I don't know what is the universe coming to....
On a good note; I got the Zp159 XG5 bag-attaching cradle through in teh post last week, I think I fogot to mention in the joy of the hooverability it places on my nighthooverlyness and nighthooverable intentions and deeds, a wonder to be seen, I don't know how I managed without it.
: Did you see that* letter in teh Gardian last week? ; The nereve of the man, just cause he believes in the dyson faulsegod then it seems to him he has the right to harp on in such a way, and you do know?; They don't even hoover, well, vaccume in their case, at night! for hooversake man, these people haven't got a clue, I think it may be time for a ritious and just religious war?

Or, if not a religious war, then a damned good raffle.

First prize, a square foot
(foot, note: none of these new fangled "meters" and Hoover knows what else for us! Give them an inch...)
of prime Axminster carpet.

You can take it to bed with you on those long winter nights and feel the caress of its tufts against your cheek, though only, of course if you have a doctor in attendance.

Anyway, that should "get it up 'em" as we used to say in the Crimea.

Sound loverly perhaps the bizzare should include such a thing

Hi there!