h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

how many women on the tour could that apply to!
Venus, Serena, Amelie Mauresmo?

Well, I forgot to add that Xavier thought that she was quite attractive

hey, I'm not nearly six foot, and I have a single handed backhand

can't be any of those three then, can it?

No, it's not. Xavier said that she was definitely a woman

Perhaps a fourth clue is needed... maybe from either Safin or Gambill...

so are we chasing a Capriati?

*wonders what dirt Safin and Gambill will have on her*

Clue will be coming up later... once I've thought of it

Couldn't find Safin, so Gambill will have to do

Jan-Michael Gambill says that he was out for early morning practice with Marat Safin on the Clay Pigeon Court at 4:45am (who knows why they want to do early morning practice beats me). He says that he saw some people wandering around the courts, no less than two, no more than four. He didn't know about anyone else going for early morning practice, but he could see that one person was wearing a baseball cap back-to-front on their head, and one was definitely a woman, though definitely not one of the Williams sisters, attractive but not Kournikova, as this person seemed like she could play tennis. The third figure was harder to identify, but seemed like a clay-courter by the way it kept hanging back. There might have been a fourth, but he's not sure. They seemed to be dragging something along, possibly something that could have been able to slice off the grass, but they could have been receiving the visiting dolphins and showing them to Hantuchova's Swimming Pool (here are a couple of visuals, just for Swiv):

http://www.nasdaq-100open.com/news/onsite/2001/day2_07.html
http://www.nasdaq-100open.com/news/onsite/2001/day2_08.html

In his opinion, no grass-courter would have done anything like that to a grass court.

Whoops, forgot to change the subject title... post 27 was the Fourth Clue

a Hewitt and a Clijsters?
and a clay courter hanging back (I wish I knew more of them )
Ferrero?
Haas?
Federer - the sort of thing Federer would do to get ahead on grass...

p.s thanx for the visuals - the wetsuits were, irritating

I think you're thinking along the right lines...

Hewitt and Clijsters? Could be a Bonnie and Clyde thing going on there... but it's not Haas or Federer.

Ferrero? Now, there's an idea... perhaps someone needs to be pulled for interrogation...

Did you like the links to the dolphin pools? I thought the dolphins were especially cute

You've got to admit... Safin and Gambill look good in wetsuits

they'd look better out of them

can't work out how Capriati fits in to the little gathering though - 'less it was Xavier not Ferrero...

*hauls Juan Carlos in for questioning*

True... but you can only hope.

The dolphin was the best-looking though

So, Juan Carlos Ferrero for interrogation? Will get down to it

two way mirror please!

Would you like it in statement form like the other clues or scripted?

hmmmm - scripted I think (accent and all pls!)

Will get down to it! The whole interrogation will be up some point later (could be tonight or later this week... depends if Ferrero is up for it).

: Date: Wednesday, 17 July 2002. Interview start time: 3:44pm. Those present are Caper Plip, interrogating Juan Carlos Ferrero.

Well, Juan Carlos, looks like you're in a right scrape now.

: I'm not saying anything without lawyer.

: I'll see if John McEnroe is free...

: Erm... I think I'll be fine without lawyer.

: Right. Now that's out of the way. So, Mr. Ferrero, your current occupation is written down as... (glances at paper in front of her) as... let's see... a clay court specialist. So, you fancy yourself as a bit of a wiz on clay then?

: No no no, I like hard courts too.

: That's a bit of an understatement. Being the runner-up at Roland Garros, a premier clay court tournament, I'd imagine that you like clay surfaces a lot.

: In Spain, there are so many clay courts. It is so difficult not to play on clay. I was brought up on clay.

: What about Wimbledon? Your thoughts on who will win next year?

: I hope me, but will have to try so hard.

: (checks player file) This was your second appearance at Wimbledon. Went out in the second round this year... third round the year before. Found yourself in the deep end, did you?

: What do you mean?

: I mean a clay court specialist playing on a surface completely different to the surface he is used to. Grass is a totally different game to the clay of Roland Garros. Isn't it?

: Well, I suppose...

: ...in fact, a clay court specialist would have to work pretty damn hard to adapt to grass, Juan Carlos. Clay-courters win grass-court tournaments once in a blue moon. Don't they?

: Maybe... I don't know...

: ...I mean, everyone knows how Guga refuses to play on grass because he knows that he'll lose. How about you?

: I try, I try to play. But me, I have injury during Roland Garros and so I don't play so solid. I like fast courts as well as clay sometime.

: Only sometimes?

: I am a clay court specialist. I play on clay.

: Fair enough. But tell me, what were you doing on the evening of Sunday 7 July 2002?

: It was the Annual Players' Cabaret at the Club. I go to bed early. I have to play the day after. I thought you knew I leave early.

: Oh yes. It was after the drag queen act, if I remember. A few people left after that. Marat, Daniela Hantuchova, yourself, Guga, Xavier, some others. Though I don't recall everyone having to play the day after.

: Really? I thought I was in the book.

(CP pulls up the Court Bookings Book from under the table)

: Let's see... 8 July 2002. Here we are. Marat Safin and Jan-Michael Gambill are written in for early morning practice on the Clay Pigeon Court... Lleyton and Kim... Andy Roddick and Xavier... definitely no Juan Carlos Ferrero written here. How do you explain that?

: There must be a mistake. I was going to practice on the clay.

: Then why is your name not in the book? Actually, I'm going to cut straight to the point. You woke up sometime between 4:00am and 4:30am and tampered with the CCTV camera outside the New Balls Barracks. You sneaked past the Clay Pigeon Court, thinking that nobody had seen you. You took some kind of slicing machine, cut off the grass on the Patrick Rafter Centre Court and lay down a clay-type soil, then replaced the grass on top. You said you liked playing on clay, and the thought of losing another match on grass was unbearable. You were tipped to win Roland Garros, and your poor performance against Albert Costa lost you the Grand Slam. So, with a loss on clay then a little tamper with the soil content could bend the grass matches to your advantage! What do you say to that?

: That's not true. You have no solid proof to your advantage.

: That's what it seems like to me. I would explain yourself, Mr. Ferrero.

: I tell you, I was asleep...

: No, you weren't! I know you were walking about at 4:00am on 8 July! What are you hiding? Tell me what you were doing!

: I was waiting to receive the dolphins.

: Oh really? Who asked you to? It certainly was not me.

: I don't know. I get an unsigned message telling me to receive dolphins, so I go to the gates and wait for dolphins to arrive.

: Right past the grass courts. I don't believe you were waiting for dolphins. The evidence weighs heavily in your direction. But there's something not quite right. I know for a fact that you like fast courts.

: How?

: It says so in the 2001 ATP Calendar on the month with your picture.

: Oh.

: It was an *exceedingly* good picture.

(Silence. Caper Plip hastily puts away the Court Bookings Book)

But, you like fast courts. Grass is a fast surface to play on. What would be the point in changing to a slower surface? You couldn't have brought yourself to do the actual act. It doesn't make sense. But I do know that you were wandering around in the early hours, leaving the door to the New Balls Barracks wide open. And it would have taken more than one person to do the entire thing, with a pretty large object. I think you were an accessory in the act, with some minor role. I don't think you even know that you were helping out. However, I think that's enough for today.

: No more questions?

: Actually, just two. Who do you think is an attractive female tennis player here?

: Kournikova, but she is not really a tennis player. Capriati, Clijsters and Hantuchova are who comes to mind.

: Right. And is Guga ever going play at SW19?

: Maybe. Maybe not. He does not like grass much, I think.

: Thank you. Interview terminated at 4:06pm.

don't think I can quite cope with investigations now, I just want to take him home and help him recover from his ordeal, if that's allright.