h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I have to get rewrite all these complaints to make them look like compliments.

Oh thats easy to do. Just change the name they're complaining about and steal somebody's compliments and change their name to yours.

Yeah, but the only compliments here are to Jack from Cal.

Oh. That could lead to a bit of awkwardness.

Wouldn't it just!

Although Jack does have a nice butt.

I work out.

Wait a minute, whats going on here?

Godben... is here to ... address the complaints against him.

And I'm... here to ... steal all of your valuables...

I have valuables?? Where! I mean, apart from my nice butt which is very valuable but highly un-steal-able

I could steal it if I put my mind to it!

Oh yeah??


......


I mean actually I'm quite impressed, how would you go about that?

It would take some subterfuge and perhaps a chainsaw and formaldahyde. Or I could just hit you in the head with a sock full of spare change and kidnap you, butt included. *ker smackity*

*sways* Hmmmmmm?? *sways* ........ I think I had too much coffee..... *sways*.... why is a raven.... like a writing desk?

Cause edgar allen poe both wrote on one. Now collapse so I can kidnap you.

..........ok *sways and collapses*

*KIDNAPPING ACTION!* Right. Now all I have to do is demand a ransom and people will surely line up around the block to give me free money.

*theres is an odd sound in the walls. Its possible the people who, long long ago, randomly kidnapped jack and no-one bothered to stop even when they burnt GB's "stash" have returned in an odd plot loop that Jack just invented when he remembered that unfinished plot hole*

*Sits down and plays his PSP.*

... Soooooooo... Godben? Are you willing to give me lots of money to free your beloved leader?

I'll give you a fiver for his butt.