h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Wesker] Sealing blast doors and re-routing power from damaged areas. I'm... I'm sure something's wrong here... I can't help but feel that something has happened here, yet I don't know what...

“No time to think, Mr. Wesker. Just focus on the task at hand.”
The enormous blast shields rise up, enfolding the command deck in thick sheets of obsidian armor. Emergency systems reroute and normal lighting returns to some stations.

“I’m picking up another vessel out there, captain – and it’s big.”
“As big as the Khar Siid?”
“Nearly.”
“As big as the meteorite?”
“Quite.” Wesker says. The helm officer seems to shiver, and his voice grows cold. “They’re Minion.”

“Hoo-boy.”

*A flash of energy appears in front of the Navigator's post. It fades, revealing a strange individual.
It was once female, but is now covered head to toe in wires and cybernetics. The few patches of skin that are visible are a sickening grey. Her voice is un-natural, and where Wesker's has only a slight metallic quality, hers sounds entirely cybernetic, taking any suggestion of gender from her voice. There is a large metal spider attached to her brest. The Greek letter Epsilon is inscribed upon it.*
[Matrix Epsilon] Ah, Alpha. We meet at last...
[Wesker] What! Who are... No... You're...
[Wesker & Epsilon] Matrix.
[Epsilon] Yes, Master created us after your faliure. This time, though, we were kept and raised within our own safe world. Infused to Servitors and those weak of will. We are superior to you in every way.
[Wesker] So... I knew it. I heard you. I thought it was a dream...
*Epsilon shook her head.*
[Epsilon] No, but there is much you should know...

<sorry about the '&#8221s'. I was using Microsoft Word to screen my entries before pasting. There's a problem with dashes.>

"Mr. Wesker? Is there anything I should know?"

-just then the sample is retrieved from Quicksilver's fighter and the Science Station powers up.-

"Lizzy! You're up! (turning to the screen) And how can I help you?"

[Wesker] Well, sir... From what I understand, she's a Matrix. That thing on her chest is a SCARAB unit, like mine... Except-
[Epsilon] Except, Alpha, mine is detachable, so I can release my simbient should I wish to.
[Wesker] Don't call me Alpha! My name's Wesker!
*Epsilon laughs, a strange metallic noise...*
[Epsilon] Very well... Wesker. There is much you should know. This ship was destroyed by Wesker in an attempt to kill the entity. It wouldn't have worked, but someone has restored you. Someone named "The Storyline Benders". I have been sent to accompany you in the hope we can study them-
[Wesker] You mean "Annihilate".
[Epsilon] -Study, Wesker. Study them in the hope we will learn more about them. I am also to ensure that Khar Siid is not destroyed... Yet. Master has need for this vessel in time.
[Wesker] You can go take your precious "Master" and-
*Quicksilver walks in.*
[Quicksilver] Hey all! ... Hey... Nice to see ya' little lady, how 'bout I help debug you?
*Epsilon smiles seductively.*
[Epsilon] Are you sure about that...
[Quicksilver] You know... Oh frag! You're Minion aren't you!?
*Epsilon applauds.*

The captain has been sitting silently out of the exchange for a while until now, when suddenly he speaks:
"Computer, run Datascreen One!"

The screen halves, one side still displaying the strangely attractive mecababe, the other a computer simulation of the bridge - Wesker, Captain, Lizzy, Quick, etc, still in their positions and apparently still for real.

"We need privacy. Now. I've been listening to your intercepted transmission, Mr. Wesker." he says. "Good thing you knew their codes."

"--are to proceed on board Khar Siid to examine Matrix Alpha, and if possible, recover him and restore his program. Remember, Matrix Epsilon, Khar Siid is /not/ to be intefered with! Understood?--"

He cuts transmission. On the simulated bridge, the Captain has produced cream pies and started throwing them. He catches Quicksilver full in the face, Wesker smack on the back, and Lizzy on the kisser.

"Everybody, suit up. I have a plan."

*Wesker looks round at the Captain, then back to Epsilon.*
[Wesker] So you're staying? Fine. But this is for Bridge Crew only, so get out!
*Epsilon nods.*
[Epsilon] Of course. I completely understand...
*She looks at the captain.*
[Epsilon] I think I'll explore your ship, it seems... interesting...
*She walks out.*
[Wesker] And stay out! Your plan, Captain?
[Quicksilver] Yeah, Cap, what's the plan?

The captain watches the screens, notes the comm filter that had replaced the real-time bridge view, giving a communications blackout without alerting the enemy vessel.

"Subject isolated," Wesker said. "She's now locked in an armored hall with an Orcish Heavy Weapons Squad on either end. I have hotkeyed the command to vent drive plasma into that area. Further orders, sir?"

He nodded. "Mr. Quicksilver, are you ready?"

"Ready as ever," the gun-toting pilot said as he strapped himself to the flight seat. The rest of the crew were similarly fastened down, armored shells falling over each of their stations until they could only talk by voice-link. "Preparing to make an emergency hyperspace jump."

"Good," the captain said. "We need a breather. Mr. Wesker, are the antimatter torpedoes ready?"

A curt nod. "Yessir."

"Okay. Target the Minion ship. Set torpedoes to leave a plasma trail. Then shut down all ship's systems save passive sensors.

Then on my mark, reactivate the core, and at that moment, Mr. Quicksilver, jump."

"Launch torpedoes!"

[Epsilon] You're wasting your time you know. Those weapons won't...
*The crew and Epsilon watch the Minions Jump out of the Graveyard, leaving the Meteor a safe distance from the ship.*
[Wesker] Main power is back up!
[Quicksilver] Jump Systems primed! We are go in 10...9...8...7...6...
*The Meteor turns, sensing the energy buildup.*
[Quicksilver] 5...4...
[Wesker] Slight hull pressure anomaly. Compensating...
[Quicksilver] Ready... Steady... GO!!!
*The Jump Generators activate, ripping Khar Siid into the other-world of Warp Space.*

>BOOM!< A muffled impact nearly interrupts Quicksilver's piloting. Wesker quickly assesses: "A bit of space debris, sir. Intercepted us at high velocity and punched through the hull to the Hangar. No casualties. Damage control systems maintaining."

The captain acknowledges the news without much thought.

"Ready... Steady... GO!!!"

A shudder passes through the vessel. A deep rumbling begins in the bottom of each crewman's stomachs and reverberates through the walls and ceilings. Suddenly, in a stomach-twisting WHOOSH! Thousands of stars converge in a point before Siid, growing bigger and brighter till it engulfs the ship for a full second - and then recedes faster than they can register, and space is once again normal.

Wesker notes telemetry.

"We've jumped a full light-week from the battle, sir. Repair systems commencing. Shall I investigate the piece of debris that came along with us?"

"Send in Grishnak's team."

[Epsilon] It seems I'm along for the ride...
[Wesker] Wait... Your voice...
*The crew notice Epsilon's voice has become human. It would be appealing, if it weren't for who it is coming from...*
[Epsilon] I thought you'd prefer my symbiant's voice. Captain, it looks as if I will be staying with you for a while... Could you arrange quarters?
[Wesker] The Brig, perhaps?
[Epsilon]... Yes. I do not require anything except a place for my Symbiant to rest and a power outlet.
[Wesker] She's got emotions, but no knowledge of sarcasm...

"An excellent suggestion," the Captain spoke, not taking his eyes off Siid's repair progress. "I see Wesker is still among us. Quicksilver is taking him to Sickbay."

He waved a hand. "Grishnak, can you please escort Miss Epsilon here to the Brig? Tell Bobo he's got an inmate.

*Wesker casually scans over the monitors at his station. One catches his eye, and he stares at it in a mixture of fear and wonder.*
[Wekser] Captain... Look...
*The monitor shows Epsilon's cell. It shows the Scarab system detach, and vanish from the camera's sight, leaving a young girl, curled up naked in the cell.*
[Wesker] The Scarab can detach!? That's impossible! There's no way it could do that!

[The Captain] "You don't know, Matrix. You've been away from the collective long enough for them to learn some new tricks. You might want an upgrade."

The Captain pivots his chair to another bank of consoles.

[The Captain] "Repairs completed and new tech emplaced. Good. The doctor reports that Major Danko's condition is stable, regenerating in a tank right now. Good."

[Wesker] "But what shall we do about Epsilon?"

[The Captain] "No worries. Notice, Wes, that there are no air ducts here big enough for a human to crawl through. That's a standard security measure for Khar Siid. So why then are the cages in the Brig different? Because I made them so.

He pushes a button, and a ship subsystem activates in Wesker's station.

[The Captain] "My own innovation... the Cage system is completely independent from the rest of the vessel, sealed with its own life-support systems and power. The cages themselves are moveable, resting in armored shells. Harder to destroy than a single gate.

Mr. Wesker, prepare to move the cage away from the false vent system. It'll contain the Scarab for as long as it takes to jettison it into space. Mr. Quicksilver, ready with your weapons. Vaporize the duralium box the moment you see it."

He leans back on his chair. Ain't he smug?

[The Captain] "And that's why I'm the captain - glub!"

Everyone saw the Combat Dome descend over the Command Chair, and the sudden rush of sprinklers within. The Dome lifts, and a soaked Captain Glub slumps in his chair.

[The Captain] "And that's why you're the Ship, Siid. Point well taken."

*Looks nervously.*

[Eric]This ship can do that? I'm impressed, odd feature for an AI though.

[Wesker] You didn't plan on this! It's-
*One of the consoles activates itself. A voice speaks through the speaker system. It is totally metallic, without gender or emotion.*
[Epsilon] INTERESTING. YOUR SHIP IS IMPRESSIVE, CAPTAIN. I APOLOGISE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, BUT MY SYMBIOT WISHED TO REST. I DO NOT WASTE TIME EASILY, SO I DECIDED TO EXPLORE BY MYSELF. REMEMBER, CAPTAIN, I SWORE NOT TO HARM YOUR VESSEL...
[Wesker] She's a smart little creature, isn't she?
[Quicksilver] You guys do know there's a naked chick in the Brig, don't you? You think it's a good plan to leave her there like that? Especially if she wakes up...

The Captain got out of his command chair.

"I'm the Captain of this vessel, and as such it is my duty to verify whether there are any naked chicks aboard. Mr. Wesker, take a team and deal with the thing in engineering. Mr. Quicksilver, watch my bridge."

[Wesker] I'm going to check the girl first. It might give me some clue as to how Epsilon works...
*Wesker leaves, Quicksilver casually flicks on the comm-system.*
[Quicksilver] Tengu team? We've got a rogue cyber-thingy in Engineering... No, it isn't my fault this time... Just sort it will you? Thanks.