h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*follows map*

*finds canteen and taxes *

ahhhh, better

*Guides the ship into the asteroid belt, expertly avoiding the Dark Matter. Spots something out in the distance.*
[Wesker] Sir, we seem to have found a Starship Graveyard... I believe we should raise shields and arm weapons until we are safely out of reach.
[Quicksilver] What!? You want us to /leave/ this place!? Look, Starship Graveyards are full of archeotechs-
[Wesker] -And pirates-
[Quicksilver] *Ignoring Wesker* -that could be of immense value to the ship, not to mention the Federation.
[Wesker] *sighs* The Federation is gone. Earth is lost, and the colonies are scattered all to hell. We are all that's left: Khar Siid; a ship on the edge of darkness, and unless you would rather us become Khar Siid; a great big piece of Archeotech for a bunch of Pirates to come loot after blasting us into space debris, I suggest we ignore it.
[Quicksilver] Frag you, Wesker, you worthless little fu... Cap, what do you say?

[lizzy] i vote yes if they have Earl Grey

"May I presume this Earl Gray is a pirate friend of yours, Lizzy, who can give us safe passage? In any case, Mr. Wesker, I must agree with Quicksilver. There could be much that is of value there, and I intend to salvage it."

(Standing up now, the captain's station coming alive with sensor feeds of the drifting debris field.)

"Go to yellow alert, all fighter crews on standby. Full power to shields and sensors, there's no sense in trying to hide. I want you to advance slowly, Mr. Wesker, at a speed wich you can quickly decelerate from and throw into reverse."

[Wesker] Roger that sir... Captain! Energy signature! It's penetrated our shields! ... Intruder in Shuttlebay 1! Move out!

[lizzy]

*draws weapon*

grrrrrr

"Augie, be ready to evacuate that area. We're going extreme quarantine, blast doors are ready to seal it and blow it out with drive plasma if we have to. But I don't think we'll need to go that far."

Don't you think you're overreacting a mite?
But I hate teleporters! There was a time, when I though I was all alone in the locker room...

[Quicksilver] Don't worry Cap, he's a friend of mine...

Fine. We'll see how he makes out. But know this, Mr. Quicksilver - he's your charge from now till he proves himself. You'll have to answer for it if anything goes wrong.

Update: See Captain's Dining for script

Reminder: Check the Bulletin Board regularly

::materlizes in::
so this looks like where most of the gang hangs out...
::shoots his cheap little bbgun in the air wanting to make everyone go quiet but obviously not haveing any effect::

Okay, so this stuff for the plot... Is that yet to happen, or has it already happened?

It begins now.


BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
<Sensor alert.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Wesker...

[Wesker] What the... Passive Scanner array has something... Computer, lock and run level 1 scan on object...
*Waits.*
[Wesker] Hmm... I seem to have a large thermal anomaly on sensors...
[Quicksilver] You should cut down on the curries...

The captain has been twirling a Bhuddist prayer wheel with one hand. Stop-start, stop-start, spinning. Wafting his prayers to heaven-

"What do the other scanner arrays say, Mr. Wesker? Is it a natural phenomenon?"

The Captain watches, tensing, as the sensors brin clearer and clearer reports of whatever was out there. PIng, PIng, PIng, proxmity alerts - he had a sudden image of a huge, enormous, all-encompassing lump of gargantuan mass and power, steadily bearing down on the suddenly frail-lookign Khar Siid.

so what ya want me to do capt?

(turning to Bobo) stand by to repel boarders - the old fashioned way!

oye oye captain
::heads for the rebel boarders::

did you mean repel or rebel?