h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Wesker] It's not Mr Wesker. It isn't even Wesker. My name is Matrix.
I was created as an unstopable virus. One that could assimilate anything and everything it touched, including biological tissue. Wesker, a VIPER, found me and tried to destroy me. I was damaged, but managed to assimilate him, but I couldn't control his mind, I was too badly damaged... He waged war on me from within, corrupting me. Destroying me. Eventually I won, killed him, but I still had his mind. It gave me a knowledge of just what I was; a danger to everyone around me. I knew the Minions would come looking for me as I am unique, irreplacable, deadly...
I joined JACKAL as a means of escape. I learned from them how to survive outside of the law. I discoved Lunar Gear, a giant, self aware super computer that could control an entire battleship. I assimilated it's Control Core, took the Tengu guards who were wired into it, and fled on a stolen destroyer to here... And now they found me. They'll kill you all to get to me. They want me so badly they'd destroy everything to get me... I'm sorry...

(the captain takes it all in stride, with a skeptical, midly sardonic expression. He hasn't shifted his stance one bit)

Fine. I didn't really mean to pry ino your background, and I still don't care what exactly you are. But you signed up on this vessel, and as captain I am responsible for you. So ACTION STATIONS! We have no pilot so you're volunteering. Jack into the pilot seat and prepare to heave to!

-I've just learned that Siid systemry has had you pegged for awhile. It's shielded itself and crew from any effects your replicative nature may have.

*slowely pugs in. Seems to have fallen asleep...*
[Wesker] Yes... I feel them... There is a chance... Yes...

There always is. Now maneuver us into higher orbit and prime the weapons systems. We've taken a few wide shots but autorepair systems have taken care of it.

*Ship begins to maneuver into higher orbit.*
[Wesker] Weapons ready... wait... there is...
*Turns, wide eyed to the captain.*
[Wesker] Captain! They've got Hammerhead assault boats! They're trying to board us!

[Wesker] Captain! There's something else. Someone's requesting boarding clearence for Shuttlbay 1... It's VIPER!

they've cleared to board! now wheel about to face the attacking armada. I will unlock some heavy artillery. And what are our fighters doing? Standby Hangar to repair and refit.

All personnel standby to repel boarders! Engineering is being overrun and several other sections are also being breached.

[Wesker] Sir! External Comms are just picking up white noise. Either they're blocking our communications or...

*presses a big red button*

RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

oooooo, impressive

[Wesker] Oh dear... Captain! We've got problems! They've begun to breech down the hall!
*A deafening explosion is heard outside the Bridge*
[Wesker] Looks like they got me after all...

It's not over yet, sir. Defend yourself!
(The doors blow inward as the boarder move to take the bridge. The room is full of flying debris and concusion blasts. Everyone ducks under his post and the Captain is the first to rise.)

Nice move, Lizzy. Immature, but Red Alert is appropriate. Now. (draws a katana and slashes at the first intruder. Heavy-hand-to-hand enses as the captain stands toe-to-toe with as many enemies as can get at him.)

(Ducking a blow) Reinforcements to Bridge!

*leaps into fray*

*hacks and slashes*

while we're busy here, how about a status report, Wesker? Do you believe we can contact more groups for help? How about Wind Force Twelve?

[Wesker] I don't know... Wait. Let me try something...
*Walks through the searing plasma fire, taking several hits that should have vapourised him. Looking like a corpse, he touches the nearest Minion... As soon as he touches it, wires spring out of his arm and drive into the cyborg's torso. Slowly, with an inhuman screech the Minion is absorbed into Wesker. As it happens, Wesker's wounds begin to heal. Within a few moments, the Minion is gone, and Wesker is completely healed. His face looks gaunt, however, and his eyes are colder.*
[Wesker] *Grabs the fallen plasma-cannon.* Come for me, beasts of steel!

[lizzy] ooooooo *looks unnerved*

The Captain is a roaring force, a whirling dervish of blades and blood. The weapon slides through enemy armor and flesh like they didn't exist. He leaps over a console, gets cover between him and the others. As they crowd to get at him he cuts twice. Up, down, diagonally. The steel slashes brightly, and the console splits in three pieces and the Minions stare. They haven't bled yet...

Suddenly..

A great screaming shadow, roiling over the surface of their skin like a malignant tattoo, a cancerous black mass expands from the surface of the wounds inward... They scream as the microscopic nanites consume flesh and metal and convert them to their basic elements ad rearrange them into more of the black mass. The Captain powers on, and we see the intricate inlaid black lines imbedded in the blade that are always clean even when the silver surface is covered in blood.

[to Wesker] Impressive. So you can protect yourself, after all. What's the tactical overview? Update!

Just a point: Minions are robots, so there's no flesh and blood.

[Wesker] This breech is sealed, and Fester seems to have succeeded also. We still don't have contact with...
*The bridge is flooded with green light as a Plasma explosion occurs outside.*
[Wesker] What the... their command craft... It's destroyed! They'll soon begin to retreat!

[lizzy] that's a good thing, right?

[Wesker] Most definately.